Then he leans in, his mouth moving to my neck, pressing slow, deliberate kisses along my skin.When he nips gently below my collarbone, a soft moan escapes me, and I instinctively tilt my head back, giving him full access.His lips graze my neck, sending chills down my spine.
Finally, he wraps both arms around my waist and captures my lips with his.I respond instantly, kissing him back with a hunger I didn’t know I had.Our mouths move together, desperate and consuming, like he’s been waiting his whole life to kiss me, and I’m completely lost in it.He backs me up gently against the wall, pressing me there as his fingers drift to the waistband of my pants.I don’t stop him, but he pauses, catching himself, his forehead resting against mine as he pulls back just slightly, his hand still resting calmly on the waistband of my pants.
He’s breathing hard, his thumb tracing soft, soothing circles just above my belt, and I can feel his hesitation.
“Why do I want you this bad?”he whispers, his warm breath grazing my lips.“What’s so special about you that I can’t get you out of my head?”
I open my eyes to find him already looking at me, his gaze intense, conflicted.He gently lifts his hand from my waist and cups my cheek, his thumb brushing softly against my skin.I lean into his touch, feeling the weight of his uncertainty.
"You're a boy, and I'm a boy," he murmurs, his voice breaking slightly."This…this is messed up."
With a sigh, he pulls away, his expression unreadable.I want to reach out, to stop him, to say something, but I stay frozen, watching him as he retreats down the hallway.I hear his bedroom door open and close, and then silence settles over the apartment.
I stand there, completely dumbfounded, my heart pounding as I try to make sense of what just happened.The warmth of his touch still lingers on my skin, and I feel like the ground has shifted beneath me.I don’t know whether I want to scream or laugh, but I do know one thing: I’m a mess.
“Why do I want you this bad?”
His voice won’t leave me alone—low, rough, like even he didn’t understand it.The words echo inside me, crashing around in the silence he left behind.
And still, he walked away.Left me standing here in the dim light, drowning in questions he clearly never meant to answer.
I press a hand to my chest, trying to calm my racing heartbeat.Every nerve in my body feels like it’s on fire.I want to chase after him and demand an explanation, but something holds me back.Maybe it’s fear—fear that if I push too hard, he’ll shut down completely.Or maybe it’s the realization that he’s grappling with his own confusion, just as I am.
I sink onto the couch, replaying everything that just happened, my fingertips still tingling where he touched me.I lean my head back, closing my eyes, willing myself to breathe and think clearly.But all I can think about is him.His touch, his words, his uncertainty.And the way he looked at me—as if I was something he couldn’t have, yet couldn’t resist.
What does this even mean for us?I don’t know if this is a one-time thing, a mistake he’ll regret in the morning, or the beginning of something more complicated than I’m ready for.
But right now, all I can do is sit here, trying to steady myself, and wait—wait to see if he’ll come back or if he’ll pretend this never happened.
Because as messed up as it is, I know I want him just as much.
26
Between Love And Denial
FOX’S POV
Whatthehellishappening to me?
Why can’t I stop thinking about him?Why can’t I just shake this weird pull toward Cameron?I thought if I ignored him, and kept my distance, maybe this would all blow over.But it’s only getting worse.
I fall back onto my bed, the memory of our kiss racing through my mind.I’m still buzzing, my skin hot, every nerve-ending tingling.And to make matters worse, I'm hard as a rock.If anyone had told me I’d be this hung up on a guy—on my own roommate—I would have laughed in their face.But here I am, obsessing over Cameron in a way I’ve never felt for any girl.
This isn’t just some fleeting attraction.It’s something else, something I don’t know how to handle.I should talk to someone.But who?Most of my friends would either laugh it off or get weirded out.The rest think anything gay is “gross,” and I’m not about to deal with that.
But maybe…Blaze?We’ve known each other since we were kids.If there’s anyone who wouldn’t judge, it’s him.And, come to think of it, I’m almost positive that was Blaze’s car I saw, the one that dropped Cameron off.
I grab my phone, tempted to message him, but stop myself.Why were they even together?Where did they go?A strange, unfamiliar twist of jealousy churns in my stomach.I don’t like seeing Cameron with other guys—especially not Blaze.Cameron and I are just roommates, but their friendship seems… too close sometimes.Almost too comfortable.And I hate to admit it, but it’s driving me insane.
I toss my phone aside, turning off my bedside lamp without even bothering to change.Tomorrow’s practice can’t come fast enough.
“Nice catch, Wilder!”Coach Beckett calls, blowing his whistle.
I roll my eyes as Ethan shoots me one of his typical glares.We gather on the field as Coach gives his closing speech.We’ve got a game coming up against another college, and Coach Beckett’s been pushing us hard in practice.Losing isn’t an option; it’s a huge deal for the team—and the school.
“Wilder, good hustle out there.Keep it up,” Coach says with a nod.
“Thanks, Coach.”
