‘When I get out of here, I need to make some changes. It’ll be hard, ending something that’s been so important for so long, but … well, not as hard as this, eh? Not as hard as everything else people have gone through tonight.’
‘No. Not that hard,’ he replies. We are silent for a while, lost in our own thoughts, remembering the horrors we have seen. He did his best to save me from seeing the worst of them, and I am grateful that I ended up in this truly terrible situation with a truly good man.
‘I don’t know a lot about these things,’ he says eventually. ‘But I’d say we have a while to wait before anyone finds us. We have air, and some water, and we need to be patient. There are ways they can look for us when they get here, ways they can find us – they’ll have lifting equipment, and cameras, and thermal imaging, and …’
‘Magic wands?’
‘Yes. Those too. So for now … we need to stay positive. Keep breathing. Take it in turns to stop each other panicking.’
‘You don’t seem to be panicking at all,’ I say. ‘It’s actually embarrassing how calm you are in comparison to me.’
‘That’s just because I’m being all Nordic and chill. Inside I’m absolutely freaking out.’
‘Nordic and chill … Harry thought you might be a serial killer, or have girls locked in your basement.’
His eyebrows raise in a ‘WTF’ way before he calmly replies, ‘I can assure you I’m not. For a start I don’t even have a basement. I live in a two-bedroomed apartment in Stockholm.’
‘What’s it like?’ I ask, genuinely curious. ‘Stockholm? Your place? Your life? We have time to fill, and all this spare oxygen. Go crazy. Tell me your whole life story.’
Chapter 6
We are, finally, discussing Anna. It has taken him a long time to get here, and I am listening intently as he begins.
‘You actually remind me of her a little,’ he says. ‘Anna. Not in the way you look. She was a lion.’
‘A lion?’
‘Yes, you know, how everybody resembles an animal?’
‘I didn’t, no. Silly me.’
Even as he says it, though, I am wondering what he might be. A slender polar bear? A kindly wolf?
‘Well, her father was Nigerian,’ he continues, ‘and her mother was a classic Swedish ice princess. So she had this beautiful dark skin, and brown eyes, and incredible hair – blonde corkscrew curls. So, she was a lion. She was an explosion of a woman, all texture and vivacity. You’re a … fox, I think. Or maybe a hare.’
‘I’ll take that,’ I reply. ‘You could have said I was a walrus or a warthog. So how do I remind you of her?’
‘I think it’s … the warmth. The fact that you actually seem to like people, seem so open, so curious.’
‘And you’re not?’
‘Well, I am curious, always – but there’s also a part of me that is more of a hermit. There always was, even before I met her, even when I was a child. I didn’t lack confidence, either when I was a kid or now – I just … often prefer to be on the edge of things. Anna was the one who’d organise dinner parties, drag us out to concerts, convince me to go dancing at the Christmas markets. She pulled me into her social maelstrom. Except now she’s gone, and a maelstrom leaves quite a gap. Now, I feel like … like I’m invisible. Like I can’t reach out. Like I’ll never feel that kind of connection again …’
I twist myself carefully onto my side, and lay my head on the right side of his chest, the side with intact ribs. I can’t put my arm around him, it would make me scream, so I do the best I can.
‘You’re not invisible,’ I say quietly. ‘I see you.’
I feel him clench slightly, then he sighs, and lays a hand on the back of my head, his fingers splayed across my hair. ‘So, what happened?’ I ask. ‘If you can talk about it. No pressure.’
‘No, that’s okay. I feel strangely comfortable talking to you. I did from the moment I sat down with you, back in the real world. I felt like I could trust you. And now … well, now it’s as though these crazy circumstances have taken us from being virtual strangers to confidantes in a few hours.’
It’s been more than a few hours now – over twelve, at least. I don’t say anything though – neither of us needs reminding of that.
‘I know exactly what you mean. Like we’ve been in fast-forward. I can honestly say that if I had to fall into a deathly underground chasm with anyone, I’m glad it was you.’
‘Thank you. Likewise.’
His voice is strained, and I think he might be crying. I fight the urge to look up and check. I’m sure he wouldn’t want me to see it if he is. Anyway, if I did, then I’d start crying too, and then we’d both be in floods, and we can’t spare the liquid apart from anything else.
