My name on her lips electrifies me. A vision pops into my head—Maddie beneath me in bed, whispering my name. I forget where I am for a moment as the image lingers and my muscles tense. Jamie’s voice snaps me out of it.
“What about the pool?”
I groan. “You’re not bringing that up again.”
“Oh, I am,” he shoots back. “It’s classic.”
I frown. “Fine. I was trying to impress someone. Thought I could dive off one of those Olympic platforms and look cool. Turns out, I wasn’t wearing the right swim trunks… and had to get out of the pool sans attire.”
This time, I’m the one at the center of the laughter, and even I have to chuckle. Maddie’s laugh stands out to me—loud and full, making the embarrassment worth it. I glimpse her long legs through the slit in her dress when she crosses them. The bright pink color of the dress is a pretty contrast against the light tan of her skin. My heartbeat picks up.
“Did you?” She bites her lip, waiting for my answer.
“Did I what?” My throat turns to dust.
“Impress her.”
Her voice is soft, and she’s no longer smiling. Her eyes pierce through me.
I clear my throat. “I never saw her again.” I pause. “Turns out I don’t do casual well.”
I can’t pull my gaze from her lips.
“What do you do well?”
I stop breathing.
“Whoa, it’s getting a little hot over here,” Margaret says, giggling. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her giggle. The entire crew is looking at us like they know something we don’t.
Maddie and I take another sip of our beers, taking down the temperature.
The night carries on.
Liam’s tale of his first kiss leaves everyone in stitches, and the topic of first kisses sticks.
“All right, Maddie, it’s your turn,” Hannah says. “Tell us about your first kiss.”
Maddie’s cheeks flush, and she looks at her hands. “There’s not much to tell.”
“Come on…” Hannah presses. “Everyone’s sharing.”
Maddie shrugs, uncomfortable. “I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I dated a little, but nothing ever felt… right for more than a few dates and some fun. Sorry to say, no kisses worth mentioning.”
“Why not?” Jamie asks, curious.
Maddie’s gaze shifts to the fire, her expression softening. “I guess I was always in love with the idea of love and never saw it in just one person. Then I had to focus on other things, like school, caring for Mom, work… Nathan’s death.” Her voice falters. “The men I dated only wanted casual.” She glances at me. “And I guess that’s all I wanted too.”
She doesn’t say she’s afraid—afraid of letting another person in, then losing them. Like Nathan. Like her mom. I reach over and squeeze her hand. I recognize the pain. But I’d endure my own grief a thousand times over rather than trade away a single moment I had with Adeline. Suspecting someone as selfless as Maddie might fear love—makes me ache.
Hannah brightens, trying to lift the weight of the moment. “Well, it’s their loss. Those guys should have fought for you. You’re a catch, Maddie.”
Maddie brushes it off, but sadness lingers in her eyes. “Thanks.”
When the attention shifts back over to me, I hesitate, then shrug, taking a long sip of my beer. “Not much to tell. You all know who my first kiss was. I married my high school sweetheart, and it’s now been four years since I buried her. Adeline was an amazing woman. I was lucky for the years we had.”
My voice catches. I don’t admit my biggest regret—never giving Adeline what she wanted most in this world—a family. I thought we had time. But I was wrong. And selfish.
Maddie’s gaze lingers on me, silent and thoughtful.
