“Because you’re beautiful,” I said simply. “Because you’re here. Because every time I look at you, I remember all the reasons I would do anything for you.”
Her fingers stilled on her plate. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what? Tell the truth? I thought that’s what you wanted from me.”
“Not when the truth hurts,” she whispered, and for just a moment, I saw past her walls to the raw pain beneath.
I wanted to reach for her, to pull her into my arms and promise that everything would be all right. But I’d made enough false promises in our long history. Instead, I simply nodded and began clearing away the dishes Jasper had brought in his basket.
She moved to the bed and curled her knees to her chest, turning to stare out the window. The shift likely caused by the voices screaming into her mind. I thought maybe she let herself feel everything she’d been holding back because her shoulders started to shake. She stared out the window, and something in my chest fucking shattered. The Remnants swirled around her feet, and over her arms where she’d rolled her sleeves, agitated by whatever battle raged in her mind. I knew that look. Had seen it too many times not to recognize when she was losing herself to the voices.
I moved toward the bed, sitting beside her so she knew I was there, but stopped short of touching her. Close enough to catch her if she fell, far enough that she wouldn’t feel trapped. Her tears fell silently, and I had to grip the edge of the mattress to keep from reaching for her. Minutes stretched into eternities as I sat beside her, staring out the window so I didn’t have to watch her shoulders tremble with the force of emotions she tried desperately to contain. My hands ached to pull her against my chest and shield her from whatever demons plagued her thoughts. But I’d lost that right long ago. So I waited, letting her fight her battles, letting her choose if she wanted to let me in.
“I can’t be what you want me to be,” she finally whispered. “I can’t be anything for anyone anymore.”
I kept my eyes fixed on the window, giving her the illusion of privacy as she wiped at her tears. “I don’t want you to be anything but yourself.”
“But who am I? An Ever? The Huntress? The woman bound to Alastor or the one destined to break the balance of power? There are so many voices in my head telling me who I should be, what I should do, how I should feel.” Her breath hitched. “I want to exist without the weight of everyone’s expectations crushing me.”
My hand moved of its own accord, reaching for her before I caught myself again. I let it fall to the bed beside hers instead, close enough to feel the heat of her skin but not quite touching. “Then exist. Here. Now. No prophecies, no destinies. Just you, exactly as you are. I will sit with you in the madness.”
She was quiet for a long moment, then slowly, deliberately, slid her hand closer until our pinkie fingers touched. The small connection felt like victory and defeat all at once. A concession that meant everything and nothing.
I memorized the feeling of that tiny point of contact, knowing it might be all I’d ever have again. Knowing that soon, I’d have to let her go.
“I wanted to hate you,” she whispered, still staring out the window. “It would be so much easier if I could hate you.”
Her pinkie finger twitched against mine, but she didn’t pull away. The words I needed to say burned in my throat. Three simple words that could shatter everything. But she deserved to hear them, even if she couldn’t believe them. Even if they changed nothing.
But before I could speak, she turned those devastating eyes on me. “How am I supposed to believe you care for me at all? Maybe you’re only in love with the idea of me. With all those past lives, all those memories you’re so desperate to hold onto. Your devotion has nothing to do with who I am now. I’m just another pawn on your board. Another piece to manipulate.”
“You think I don’t know you? That I don’t see exactly who you are? You’re the woman who built a family from broken pieces and loved them fiercely enough to reshape their reality. You’re stubborn and sharp and absolutely fucking terrifying when you’re angry. You steal scarves from forgetful merchants because, even though you’re mad at me, you won’t let a person suffer. You kick gods in the balls when they deserve it.”
She huffed a wet laugh. “That was Quill, to be fair.”
I smiled, leaning in until my forehead pressed against hers. “That was a learned behavior, Paesha darling.”
Her thumb traced absent patterns on my palm. When she spoke again, her voice was barely a whisper. “His face keeps haunting me. The way he looked at me before he released that arrow… I loved him,” she confessed, the words seeming to tear themselves from her throat. “How twisted is that? Of all the lives, all the memories, in this one I loved Ezra. And now I can’tstop seeing his eyes. Did he know? Every time he killed me in other lives, did he know I would love him in this one?”
The pain in her voice cut deeper than any blade. I squeezed her hand gently. “The heart doesn’t choose who it loves, Paesha. I loved him too. He was my brother, my other half in so many ways. Until Sylvie. Until I watched him destroy everything I held dear because of a possibility.”
“She’s the loudest,” she admitted, her free hand pressing against her temple. “Sylvie. She screams above all the others.”
“I would expect nothing less from a demigod who’s waited centuries for vengeance.”
Her eyes met mine, vulnerable in a way I’d rarely seen. “I wish they would be silent, just for a little while. Just long enough to hear my own thoughts.”
“I wish that for you too,” I murmured, reaching up to brush a tear from her cheek. “More than anything, I wish I could give you peace.”
Something in her expression cracked at my words. “I don’t know how to trust this,” she whispered. “How to trust you. But when you look at me like that, like I’m the only real thing in any realm…”
“You are,” I said simply. “You’re the only thing that’s ever felt real to me. The only truth that matters. When everything else fades away, when all the power fails and the realms crumble, you’ll still be the one constant I believe in. Just you, Paesha. Exactly as you are right now.”
Her fingers tightened on mine, and every muscle in my body went rigid with the need to pull her closer. To taste her. To claim her. I had to fight against every primitive instinct screaming at me to take what I wanted. I couldn’t. Not with her. Not anymore.
She’d fucking ruined me for anyone else, stripped away my control until I was nothing but want and need and desperation. There had been no versions of her that compared to this one.To Paesha. To the vixen that was my perfect version. I’d spent lifetimes learning to become everything she might want me to be, and with no effort, she’d become everything I’d ever wanted in her. I watched her lips part, saw her eyes darken as they met mine, and for the first time in my endless existence, I had no fucking clue what to do next.
I wanted to kiss her. Needed it with an intensity that bordered on pain. But this had to be her choice. Everything from here on out had to be her choice, even if it killed me to wait. When she finally leaned in, the last thread of my restraint nearly snapped. The haunted look in her eyes was gone, replaced by something deeper, darker, that made my blood burn.
