I take a long drink of the beer, and it’s gross, but better than nothing.
“There you are. What are you doing out here?” Henry’s voice asks from behind me, causing my head to turn.
“Couldn’t sleep, so I came out here to think. Were you looking for me?” I ask, feeling a little nauseous at the way my heart skips a beat.
“Yeah, I just . . .” Henry pauses, his cheeks flushing. “I don’t know. What are you thinking about?” he asks, clearly deflecting.
“Something I probably need to talk to you about.”
Am I finally doing this? Shit, maybe being blissfully ignorant is better than knowing.
His face shifts to one of concern as he takes a seat on the edge of the chaise. “What’s up?”
I stall, taking another drink, the bitter taste getting better with every sip before setting it down on the ground. “Actually, never mind. It isn’t important, Henry,” I say, forcing a laugh to play it off, but he isn’t buying it.Shit, why did I open my mouth?
“If it’s something you think you need to talk to me about, then it is important. I’m listening,” he says, offering me a smile that only further jumbles the words in my brain. The woodsy scent of his soap isn’t helping me think rationally, either.
I stand up, needing to move and give myself a little space because I can’t think straight around him. I shake my head, turning away because this is hard—harder than I thought it would be. I am so frustrated because, somehow, I can boldly speak my mind to everyone, except when it comes to Henry. I hate this because I’m not a coward, but what is it about admitting to Henry that I have feelings for him that fucking terrifies me?Well, maybe it’s because there might never be someone else I’ll love the same way as Henry if he rejects me, and loving Henry is as natural for me as breathing oxygen.I’m not ready to find out what it feels like to cut off my oxygen supply. I want to stay in the bubble.
“Thanks, but it’s stupid, I promise. Please, just forget I said anything,” I mumble, my mind racing as I try to think of a way out of this. It’s better to exist in my fantasy world where I have a chance with Henry than to take away my dream of living happily ever after with him.
“Mirabelle.”
But what if he returns my feelings? I can do it. I can be honest with him.
I turn around to face him, my heartbeat echoing in my ears. “Fine. I like you, okay?”
Henry’s eyes widen in surprise, and he just fucking stares at me.Please say something. Please say you like me too. Please say anything.My heart drops as I stare back at him while he stays silent.
Oh my god. I’ve ruined everything.
“It’s fine, Henry. It’s just a stupid crush,” I say, feeling the age difference between us for the first time. At least I didn’t tell him that I love him.
“Mira . . .” he trails off, scratching the back of his neck. This isn’t how I pictured this at all. “I don’t . . .” Henry blinks, staring at me.
I can feel tears threatening to fall, and I blink rapidly, fighting them back. “I get it. You don’t feel the same. Please forget I said anything.”
Henry stands up, taking steps to close the distance between us. “Wait—” Henry reaches his hand out toward me, and I push it away as my feet twist under me, falling straight into the pool. It takes me a second to register that I’ve fallen in the pool, but once I do, I surface, sputtering to get rid of the water that went up my nose.
A hand rests on my shoulder, and I wipe the water out of my eyes, seeing Henry jumped in after me. I shrug away from his touch because, for the first time ever, I don’t want it.
“Are you okay?”
Am I okay? No, I’m not fucking okay.“I’m fine, Henry. I don’t want to be like everyone else in your life that wants something from you. Just go away,please.”
“Hey, don’t do that. I know it’s not like that with you, and I’ve never felt that way. We’re friends, I know you.”
I’ve. Never. Felt. That. Way.
My clothes are sopping wet as I pull myself out of the pool, and the words cut into my soul in a way I don’t think I’ll ever heal from.Henry says we’re friends, but are we?My temper explodes, scattering the broken pieces of my heart. “Then what has it felt like to you? Because it didn’t feel like we were friends when you went all caveman on your best friend while I was dancing with him the other night, or when you told me that my lips were yours to touch, to kiss, and to fuck? What about when you stood in my doorway, calling meincandescentwhile asking me to let you help me feel more confident during sex? What about the time you got up from your seat on the plane in front of your entire team so Quinn couldn’t sit with me? Or when you look at me like I am everything to you? So tell me, Henry. What the fuck has it felt like to you?”
Henry shakes his head, staring up at me. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
That’s all he’s going to say right now?I don’t know? I’m sorry?I bite the inside of my cheek hard, trying to reign in the hurricane of emotions swirling inside me. “I don’t need you to apologize for not feeling the same.”
I really thought . . .
A tear escapes, slipping down my cheek, but it blends in with the rest of my drowned rat look I’m rocking after my little trip to the pool.
