I stay in the kitchen for a moment, unsure what to do with myself.
Mama and Papa will be home soon, so I make sure everything is cleaned up and head upstairs into my bedroom. I barely feel the cut in my hand because my mind is stuck on the way Adrian’s lips felt on my skin.
Then, I think about him offering to tutor me and everything else that comes with my job. Things will change once the season starts, and I hope that means I’ll enjoy it more. Because if I don’t, I don’t know what I’ll do.
If this isn’t my passion, what is?
The same question repeats itself over and over again as I sit down on my bed and lose myself in my photo editing.
A lot of people don’t realize that a photographer’s job isn’t just taking pictures. There’s a lot of refining them afterward too. Playing with the sharpness or saturation, editing out little things like a random person’s shoe at the bottom of the image, or adjusting the sizing to fit whatever I’ll use the picture for.
These ones I’m working on today are for Nova’s birthday next month. I’m making her a photo album of all of her favorite pictures I’ve ever taken. I’m planning to make it look more like a scrapbook than a photo album because Nova loves those, but I need to get the pictures ready and printed first.
All of my worries leave me as I use my creative outlet in the way it was meant to be used: as an escape from everything unpleasant in my life.
Chapter 18
Adrian
“Comeon,Adrian,fuckingpush through,” Daniel, my performance coach, barks at me, and I grit my teeth as I curl my arms one more time.
The weights seem heavier today, but I know the only heavy thing is the knowledge of the season starting soon. My mind feels like I put a plate of fifty kilos on it. All of the pressure of performing well this season, to finally get that World Championship title I was so close to grasping last year, is fucking exhausting. I want to win this year, Ineedto win, but Gabriel is the reigning champion, and I’m a little worried about Grenzenlos taking back their spot at the top. Last year, they didn’t do as well. Hawke came closer to beating our asses than Grenzenlos did, which I know Robert Fuchs is working on with his team to make sure it never happens again.
To simplify, I am scared shitless I won’t be good enough to win this season.
Add Nevaeh confusing me and my feelings on top of all of that, and I’ve never been more of a mess than I am right now.
This is why I never, ever wanted to romantically like someone. It’sexhausting.
“What’s on your mind?” Daniel asks, forcing my attention back to him instead of lingering on the overwhelming panic in my chest.
“I wanna win. Not just the race. Not just the Constructors’ Championship. I want towin,” I explain, taking the towel he hands me and wiping the sweat off my forehead.
“Oh, do you? I thought you were just competing for shits and giggles,” Daniel replies, so I flip him off and drop backward to let my back lie flat against the bench.
“Thank you for taking me seriously,” I say, but Daniel merely snorts.
“You don’t even take yourself seriously most days. Do you really expect me to?” That gets a genuine laugh out of me.
Silence fills the little gym we’re in until he smacks my left knee to get me to sit up.
“Listen, you are ready for that title, Adrian. You’ve worked harder than ever before during the winter break, and it’s been paying off. I see how determined you are, and you will get your win. If the car doesn’t fail you and you don’t make rookie mistakes, I don’t see why you don’t have the same shot as Gabriel at winning.” Daniel hands me my water bottle, gesturing for me to take a sip as I process his words.
He’s right.
Our car has excelled in all of the tests so far. Unless Grenzenlos somehow found a way to become two-tenths of a second per lap faster than us, which is what we averaged in almost every race last season over them, then Gabriel is the only thing in my way to becoming a World Champion and following in the Romanas’ footsteps. I have to hurry the fuck up too because once Valentina is in a top championship competing car, my chances to win will significantly reduce. That woman isfastand skilled and aggressive in her driving, which is a good thing because she isn’t disrespectful about it either. She sticks to the rules while she kicks ass, and that is the most dangerous of combinations.
“You have an obscene amount of faith in me. Could I have some of it?” I joke, but the dumbass rubs under his armpits and smears his hands over my hair and face as if that would transfer the confidence onto me. “You’re fucking disgusting,” I say as I smack his hands away and burst into laughter, grabbing my towel to wipe it away again.
“Great, if you have the energy to insult me, you have the energy for another set. Pick up the weights. Let’s go,” he instructs, and I curse him out under my breath as I do what I’m told.
Daniel kicks my ass for another hour or so before he lets me go home to rest and reset. The first race of the season is only a little over a week away. I’ve been training and preparing, but it feels like I’m not ready yet. It feels like there are a million things I should be doing, and none of them include constantly thinking about Nevaeh’s laugh or the way her eyes sparkle with mischief before she starts flirting with me. I definitely shouldn’t be thinking about the way her attention dropped to my lips when I had her caged between my arms at her kitchen counter. I shouldn’t be thinking about this woman at all, but how could I not?
I’m seriously asking you.
How can I get her out of my goddamn head?
This is all so new to me, I don’t know how to behave anymore. Do I call her? Do I text her? When do I do either of those things? Whenever I think about her? Well, no, probably not. That would be a little too often at this point.
