“I’m not finished with you yet, Lenny. Sit down,” he says, and I roll my eyes at his horrible nickname for my already horrible name. He’s been using it since we were kids and now even Lizzie adopted it.
“You can be very happy you’re older than me and that I hold a shit ton of respect for you, otherwise I would leave right now and ignore you for the next several weeks,” I say, and Jack lets out a snort.
“Liar. You wouldn’t last two weeks without seeing Elizabeth,” he replies, and I tilt my head to the side.
“I still like Stu,” I point out, and Jack frowns at me. I scowl back.
“Okay you two, enough. Leonard, it’s obvious you are not playing mind games with Chiara, we never thought you were, at least not seriously,” Stu says, but Jack raises his hand to weigh it from side to side and make an ‘ehhhh’ sound. I kick him in the shin under the table.
“Hey, ow. What the fuck?” he complains and rubs his leg. I don’t pay him any attention because his partner catches all of mine again.
“We’re merely a bit concerned because we love both of you so much, and you two haven’t gotten along, ever. Chiara hasn’t had the easiest of lives, and we want to make sure whatever is happening between you, it’s happening with good intentions,” Stu goes on, and I lean back in my chair, crossing my arms in front of my chest.
“Chiara and I are… friends. I think. But nothing more. There is nothing you need to be worried about.” Jack snorts again. “Okay, if you don’t stop, I will do far worse than kick you in the shin,” I warn, and my brother covers his mouth before raising his hands in mock surrender.
“Sorry, I just would have never expected those words to come out of your mouth. It’s surreal, and it sounds like a big, ginormous lie,” he explains, rubbing his right arm as he considers me. His eyes scan my face before he grins to himself. “You’re falling for her, and I bet she has no idea because you’re way too scared to admit it even to yourself,” Jack says, and I get up, ignoring him. I don’t have time for this.
“Leonard,” Stu begs, but I have no intention of staying. I have to get home before Chiara wakes up. She needs to take her antibiotics soon, and I haven’t cooked anything yet. Bernie said she has to take her medicine with food.
“You can’t run from your feelings forever, Lenny. I know you’ve been busy with your career, but you shouldn’t deny yourself the experience of falling in love because you don’t think you’ll have enough time to be a good boyfriend,” Jack says, and I stop dead in my tracks in the door frame of the kitchen.
How the hell does he know that’s what I’m scared of?My heart jumps a little in my chest, but I don’t turn around again. I don’t answer him, nor do I admit he hit the nail right on the fucking head. My fears are not for anyone else. I haven’t shared them with another person, but I don’t plan on doing so either. People like my brother have this optimistic view of life where fears could simply vanish if you found the right person to love. I know better. I know they will never leave me. I know as soon as I enter a serious relationship, I’d find a way to fuck it up. My career combined with my family doesn’t leave room for another person to fill.
Except Chiara already perfectly fits into my life.
Except Chiaraisperfect in every impossible way for me.
Except Jack was so right about everything, it makes my head hurt.
I give Lizzie a kiss on the head before leaving the house and getting back into my expensive Mercedes. Stu was also right. Chiara hasn’t had the easiest of lives, and neither have I, but mine has gotten significantly better when I got older. My childhood was beyond difficult, and I’ve felt horrible about my parents sacrificing everything to make my dream come true for as long as I can remember. I’ve done all I can to repay them, but they’re stubborn and hardly take anything I offer them.
My eyes focus on the road ahead of me as I let my engine roar to live and make my way to the bakery near my flat where Chiara loves to go. I pick up a few things, all lactose-free for her, before making my way back home and praying Starling is fast asleep. Benz is nowhere to be seen when I open the door, probably because she’s right next to Chiara where she’s been for the past few days. I’m convinced my daughter can sense my little demon isn’t feeling well, so I’ve become a second priority. I never thought I’d be so fine with a thought like that, happy even that Benz doesn’t leave her alone.
I step into her bedroom after there is no response to my soft knocking, finding her still fast asleep in bed. A sigh of relief slips past my lips as I walk to my bedroom to put on some comfortable clothes before lying down next to Chiara in her bed where I’ve been sleeping since we returned from Singapore. She shuffles next to me, her hand reaching out to touch mine and her fingers grazing my skin. Her eyelids flutter ever so slightly, letting me know she’s awake enough to realise I’m here.
“I didn’t mean to wake you, Starling, I’m sorry,” I say in a low tone. She adjusts her head on the pillow until she’s looking up at me with the tiniest of smiles on her lips.
“How are Stu, Jack, and Ellie?” she asks, causing my heart to flutter a little. Of course she’d ask about them. Chiara loves them probably as much as I do.
“They’re alright, sweetheart. Go back to sleep,” I say and brush a strand of loose hair from her cheek. Her eyes close at my touch, and, for a moment, time freezes. I freeze. She freezes. Everything does, almost as if life wants to grant me this little bit of… home.
“I’m hungry,” she admits, bringing a smile to my face.
“Yeah?” She nods, and I trail my fingers down her jawline until I reach her chin, grabbing it between my fingers to give it one quick squeeze and then letting go again. I’m having a hard time resisting the pull she has on me. “I’m going to make some food. Any requests?” I ask, and she takes my hand again, all sleepy and cute.
“I’m craving my Nonna’s homemade pizza,” she says, guiding my hand under her cheek. It makes me realise she’s not all the way awake yet.
“Do you know the recipe? I can make it if you tell me how,” I offer, and Chiara sits up in bed, rubbing at her eyes. The loss of her warm skin on mine frustrates me.
“I do know it, but I need to do something with myself. Do you mind if we make it together? I know the kitchen is your sacred place,” she says, and, unlike last time, I don’t hesitate in my answer.
“Of course. This is your home too,” I blurt out, making her glance over her shoulder at me. Her gaze trails over my clothes and then to my pillows.
“How much longer are you going to sleep here?” she asks softly, letting me know she isn’t trying to get rid of me. At least that’s what I’m hoping.
“Until you’ve had enough of me,” I reply and stop breathing, praying she won’t tell me she’s had enough since the first night.
Instead, she merely says, “Okay” and stretches her arms into the air. Cracking sounds fill the room, and I cringe in response. She lets her arms fall, reaching one of her hands backward to rub her back.
