“I know.” He hangs his head a bit. I need him to take care of himself. At what point in the relationship would it be weird if I packed him a lunch? First, I’ll need to figure out how to make something other than a PB&J, but I’d be willing to try. Maybe something that includes a vegetable.Ugh. Nathan’s brainwashing me.
“Promise me you’ll have real food tomorrow?”
“I promise. Now, are we eating tonight or just talking about food?” His stomach growls loudly to help make his point.
“Give me a few more minutes to finish up.” I hope.
“Do you mind if I clean up a bit in your bathroom? I’m gross after a day in the office.”
“Sure, help yourself.” It will give me a few minutes to pull things together and pretend I can be domestic.
As soon as I’m back at the stove, my phone rings.My dad.I consider ignoring it and calling him back once Nathan’s gone for the night, but I always worry it’s an emergency. If I ignore an urgent call and something happens, I’ll never forgive myself. I set my phone on the counter and put it on speaker so I could keep working. “Hey, Dad. What’s up?”
“You know, the usual. I’m checking in to see how my son is holding up. You tired of the city yet?”
“Not yet.” Not ever. “How are things?”
“Pretty good. Your sister visits me every other day, which is nice.” I roll my eyes. She lives less than ten minutes away from him.
“I hope you aren’t giving her too much trouble.” Or any of the people at the facility. God forbid I have to return to move him out.
“When do you think you’ll be back?” I wince at the suggestion. I haven’t so much as thought about driving home to visit in the last couple of months.
“It’ll probably be a while. I’m still settling in and don’t have much time to take off work yet.” Plus, I don’t want to give up my weekends with Nathan.
“Oh, well, you always got plenty of time off at your old job.” That’s because I’d saved up over many years of work.
“I’ll have more time once I’ve been here longer.” None of which I intended to use to go home.
“You know, they still have plenty of positions here. I saw your old boss at the store the other day, and she said they’d be happy to have you back.”
“I’m not coming back.” I don’t know when I grew a backbone, but I didn’t want to keep having this discussion.
“They won’t have positions for you on hold forever.”
“I know, Dad.” I clench my jaw. Couldn’t they be happy for me?
“I worry about you. You changed so much when you went to college. I worry this time away is going to hurt you even more.” I know they think I’m gay because of the influence of a liberal university and too much time in the city. No one’s willing to admit that this is who I am. It has to be someone’s fault. “I wish you’d find some better influences.” Nathan was always high onthe list of evil influences. It didn’t matter that he graduated in the top 10% of his class or got a scholarship to a prestigious school. He’d always be the gay kid whose parents let him watch too much violent television.
“I’m happy here. I think that’s what should matter the most.” He grunts in response. “Look, I’m lucky Nathan’s helping me get my bearings.” He isn’t ready to hear that Nathan and I are dating. Or maybe I’m not ready to tell them.
“As long as that’s all he’s doing.”
I wince as my mind flashes through a series of memories of the two of us in bed together, legs tangled and sweat dripping off our bodies. That’s definitely not all that Nathan is doing. “Dad, I have to go.”
“Think it over. I know you kids all have those dating apps now, but I’m sure there are plenty of niceChristianwomen on them, too.” I highly doubt that, but I find myself nodding my head. It’s my standard reaction, even when he can’t see me. I tried arguing for many years before realizing it had no effect. I catch a glance of Nathan rounding the corner. He doesn’t deserve to hear this conversation. I reach for my phone to end the call.
“Dad, I have to go. I have dinner plans.”
“Just don’t let that boy be a bad influence on you anymore.” I hang up before I can respond. I feel like I’m fifteen again, scared I’ll get thrown out of the house if they discover the truth.
Except now I have my place—well, my own rented place—a good job, and a wonderful boyfriend who’s also my best friend. They don’t have the power over me anymore. I repeat the last part a few times. Eventually, I’ll start believing it, right?
NATHAN
I cringe listeningto Mr. Addington talk about me. It’s not a secret Colt’s parents didn’t love Colt hanging around me as much as he did. I don’t think either of his parents appreciated how close we were. They didn’t like it when we were young, and they liked it even less once people knew I was gay. They never expressly forbade him from seeing me, though.
I probably shouldn’t be listening, but I can’t help it. Colt hangs up the phone, and his shoulders hunch forward. I want to wrap him up in my arms and protect him from all the judgmental pricks in the world. Do I tell him I overheard? I decide I need to offer him some comfort for no other reason. “Sounds like your dad hasn’t changed much.”
