I thrust into my fist faster as I feel the tingling at the base of my spine. My mind conjures images of running my hands over fantasy Nathan’s chest while I kiss and nip at his neck. I want to know every spot that makes him moan or writhe against me. I picture his head lolling against my shoulder as he moans and whimpers under my touch.
My balls draw up tight, and I only hold on for a couple more strokes before I shoot thick ropes of cum onto the floor tiles. It washes away in the shower stream, and I slump against the wall.
Fuck. I don’t remember the last time I came that hard. The fact that Nathan starred in my fantasies can’t be the only reason. I can come up with a dozen reasons why this time was so good.
I finish my shower, rinsing well before turning off the water. Thank god I’m not seeing Nathan until tomorrow night. I need a chance to get those images out of my head. It’s not the first time I’ve jerked off to fantasies of him, but I quit years ago. Itwas weird to think of a friend like that as a teenager. It certainly wasn’t better as a full-grown adult.
If tonight went well, maybe it’d give me something else to consider. Did I want this guy to work out? If so, that meant my chances with Nathan would be shot. Shit, when did things get so complicated?
Chapter Nine
NATHAN
“What are you staring at?”Tyler cranes his neck to follow my gaze across the room. A smile crosses his face when he spots Colt. “Or should I say, who are you staring at?”
I give my friend a stern look. “Don’t stare at him.” The words leave my mouth, but I can’t take my eyes off the bar. We have plans tomorrow, but who’s he with tonight? Not that it’s any of my business, but they seem comfortable together.
Not just friendly-comfortable, though. The stranger places his hand on Colt’s forearm. After a few seconds, they both laugh. The guy doesn’t move his hand, and Colt doesn’t do anything to move it. My stomach twists into a knot.It’s a date.
“Dude, you’re shooting daggers at them. They’re going to see you.” I can’t take my gaze off them, though. It’s impossible not to notice how their knees bump against each other as they shift in their seats or how they’re both grinning. Colt throws his head back and laughs, the sound permeating the rest of the noise in the bar. The other man moves his hand down and sets in on Colt’s thigh, and my heart pounds in my ears.
“Come on, Nathan. Don’t worry about them.”
“I’m no—” I try to find something to say, but the words won’t come. Everything’s too loud. “I want to make sure Colt’s okay.”
“And you think the twink at the bar is a threat to him?” I glare at Tyler. He’s been my best friend since the start of college. More than anyone, he knows exactly how I feel about Colt. He’s being sarcastic right now, but his eyes are tight with worry.
“Fine, what were we talking about?”
“I told you about the new administrative assistant we hired who keeps messing up the client schedules.”
“Right, she sounds terrible.”
“Well, she’s a he and, as I said, great at everything else. The calendar system is a mental block for him.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Have you heard a single word I’ve said tonight?”
“I’m sorry.” I’m being a terrible friend tonight. This is our time together, and I try to be here and present. “Okay, tell me more. Is he hot?”
Tyler sputtered. “Yeah, he’s gorgeous. That’s why I keep helping him and fixing things myself. I don’t want them to fire him.” He takes a long sip of his beer, and I gaze at the bar again. The guy’s hand is still on Colt’s thigh. How long does it need to stay there? “I’m pretty sure he’s straight, but at least I can look.”
I nod, trying to force my mind to remain present in the conversation. “That’s an improvement over the rest of your office. I’ve been saying for years that you should move to a company where people are a little younger. For a tech company, you tend to lean a bit old school. You’ll never get any seniority.”
“It’s changing. Slowly. The new guy is a few years younger than me. I think the older people are moving on or retiring, and we’re replacing them with some younger folks.”
My body started to relax a little bit. My stomach remained twisted in knots, but at least my heart rate slowed down. I could sit here and converse with Tyler while Colt went on a date withsomeone else. A new normal. Friends. I didn’t care when Tyler went out on a date, so why did I care if Colt did the same?
The guy leans close and whispers something in Colt’s ear. My whole body tenses. I swear they’re moving in slow motion. Their heads pressed close as they chat in their little bubble. “I don’t think I can be here.” I don’t wait for a response. Bile rises in my throat, and the overwhelming urge to be anywhere else overtakes me. I get up from the table and elbow past various guys hanging around the entrance.
As soon as I step outside, I find the bushes and throw up everything in my stomach. Each time I think about the two of them, my stomach tightens again.
“I got you.” Tyler’s soothing voice and hand on my back help a little. He doesn’t say anything else. There’s nothing else to say. Even after a decade, Colt still has the same effect on me. Except now he’s here and dating other men. Will I have a front-row ticket to this over the coming years? I can’t watch him parade his dates in front of me, or worse, all in love. It’s too much.
As the nausea subsides, I stand up and wipe my mouth on the edge of my shirt. “I think I’m going to go home.”
“Come on. I’ll take you.” He grabs my elbow and leads me to his car at the far end of the parking lot. The ride back to my house is quiet. I don’t have anything to say that isn’t already clear. I can pretend Colt’s just a friend, but my body violently says otherwise.
Tyler’s done this with me before, which somehow makes it worse. He doesn’t need to say anything for me to guess what he’s thinking. When I went to college, it took me months to stop constantly thinking about him. Tyler finally put his foot down and insisted I snap out of my imaginary relationship and try having one with someone who wanted me back. Little by little, I managed to engage with the life around me instead of focusing on the one back home. I’d cried myself to sleep at night somany times, wishing I could pick up the phone and hear Colt’s soothing voice instead.
Apparently, I learned nothing from the first time. How did I let this happen? Again. The first time I fell for Colt, we were stupid teenagers with hormones swirling around our bodies. At least, that was my excuse back then. I’m not sure I can blame this round on teenage angst. Colt waltzed back into my life and somehow flipped the switch on my feelings again.
