Helia calling him out shouldn’t have any effect on him, but damn him if her defiance didn’t appeal to him. Still, he bowed to no one, and even though she had just become his queen and his wife, she would not be the exception.
‘Youhavedone well. But no one—not even you, Helia—gets to dictate to me.’
She nodded once and he left, making a bee line for his old bedroom.
The second the door snicked shut he ripped off his ceremonial baldric. It and his sword were tossed aside, before he dropped into the dark leather chair in the corner of the room.
As soon as he was old enough Vasili had removed every hint of the palace from this space. His sanctuary. Now it was modern, with dark wooden floors and walls so blue it felt like being in the crushing depths of the sea. The artwork above his headboard certainly reminded him of water, and this was where he needed to be to centre himself.
Staring out of the window, he ran his finger along his lip and cursed. He was still thinking of that kiss. Of how much he’d wanted to kiss her in the carriage and again in the King’s suite. But he knew it wouldn’t have stopped there, so he’d had to escape.
Because that kiss had been different. It had made him feel instead of just being a physical indulgence. That kiss had made him need Helia, even though he never needed anyone. It had made him want to do anything, be anything, so he could keep kissing her. He had been so ready to give in to their chemistry after their kiss. Had thought that maybe they could have a little fun in this marriage... But it felt like a risk.
She already had a power over him he couldn’t explain. What would happen if he was to have sex with her? Open himself up to her like that? A kiss was a means to an end, but that wasn’t the case with Helia. Did he really want to risk flaying himself like that? Because he knew sex with her would be different. If a kiss could feel divine, sleeping with her would not be just a physical act. He couldn’t allow it.
But the chemistry they had couldn’t be ignored. It buzzed under his skin even now. They needed an outlet for it somehow. A way they could indulge without getting too close.
What about the fact that he wanted the monarchy to end with him, yet he was required to produce heirs with Helia? An heir and a spare—just like him. Perpetuating the same toxicity he had experienced with his own flesh and blood. Children. Innocents who would never have asked for this world.
He didn’t really know what Helia wanted either—only what she’d agreed to. He didn’t know whether she wanted children or not, and this life was certainly not going to give her a choice in the matter.
Concern for his people might have taken the choice of abdication away from him, but that didn’t mean he had to ensure that the throne endured. It would end with him. Yes, he had married, as was required of him, and since this role of second-best ruler was what he’d been born for, he was now King. However, he could choose not to have children. It would be easy enough to control that.
Vasili crossed the room to a table that held a crystal decanter filled with amber liquid. He poured a measure into a glass and took a sip, relishing the burn in his throat.
He was resolute that he would not have any children just to have them forced into the life he lived. No one should have to suffer his fate...the fate of the King who shouldn’t have been. And now he was expected to move into the King’s quarters. He detested the idea but, thanks to tradition, he didn’t have a choice. He would have to deal with the ghosts of that room. A room meant for his father and his brother but never him. Just the same as the role of King.
He would have to share these walls with people who had never seen the value in him. Who had always found him lacking. Bitter, awful people, who hadn’t ever been happy, hadn’t known love—who had held him in such disregard even though all he had ever wanted was to live his own life. Not to be placed aside just in case he was needed.
So he had lived in spite of them. The sex and the parties...they were all part of a life lived as hard as possible. But now that had to be put behind him. Now he had to look out for the people of this kingdom. People who probably wished that it had been him and not Leander on that plane.
He could feel it even within the palace walls. In the words Andreas said and in the silences he held. Perhaps it would have been simpler if ithadbeen him. Nothing would have changed then. It would have meant little for Thalonia.
Vasili drained his glass and placed it on the towering stack of books on his bedside table.
Running his fingers through his hair, he realised these thoughts would get him nowhere. What he needed to do was decide how he would take on this new life. He had made a commitment to Helia.
Simply thinking her name had him wondering what she would be doing now, in that large room by herself. Wondering if she was upset or hurt. God, she was beautiful. She was his queen, and he would have to help her navigate this life, but she would in turn have to understand what their marriage would and wouldn’t be.
Perhaps he should have discussed it with her before their marriage, but he hadn’t known then just how much she could affect him.
That damn kiss!
He needed to talk to her, but he couldn’t do it now. A night away from her was a good idea, but tomorrow they would forge a new path. One that he carved out.
Helia watched the door close in disbelief. She hadn’t really known what to expect after the ceremonies. Of course she had been told whatshouldhappen. That she and Vasili should retire to their rooms with the unspoken expectation that they would consummate their marriage.
While Thalonian royals of eras long past had had separate quarters, that wasn’t a practice followed by modern-day rulers, and certainly wasn’t an option for them. Because they had to sell the image of a strong union which meant sharing a room.
She hadn’t considered that Vasili would leave her standing there in her wedding dress immediately afterwards, as if he couldn’t stand to be in her presence any longer. And it made her feel alone. A feeling she’d thought she was used to.
Helia tried to squash the hurt that needled at her.
What did you expect?Helia quietly chastised herself. Vasili had been honest about not wanting to be married. Just because they were in this together, it did not mean that would change.
Heaving a deep sigh, she bundled the long train of her wedding dress in her arms and walked into the bedroom, hoping to find something there to change into. A stunning white chemise was laid out on the bed. She ran her fingers over the delicate fabric but then snatched them back. She had no reason to wear such a garment.
She turned her back on it and marched into the large bathroom, where she found a thick robe.
