My wedding dress, she thought, her hands growing clammy.
She tried taking deep calming breaths as the full extent of what she was about to embark upon crashed over her. Was she doing the right thing? What if all the whispers were true? She was an orphan who had come from nothing. Would she be an adequate queen? Did she have any right to believe she could be?
Helia turned to fully face her reflection in the mirror, wondering if she had been naïve about the reality of her future. But these doubts were her own to bear. She couldn’t back out now. This was her only way to help all the forgotten people, like herself when she was in the care system. Most kids from the orphanage didn’t grow into powerful adults. They became people just doing what they could to get by. She was one of the lucky ones, and fortune had truly smiled down on her. It would be foolish to think there wouldn’t be a price to pay for it. So she would use whatever royal power she could to help those who meant the most to her.
She was under no illusions. Helia knew this would be one of the hardest challenges she would ever have to navigate. But she stood on the precipice of fulfilling a wish she had held so dear for all these years. A wish that she could make a difference.
And there was another reason why she couldn’t back out. One that felt as vital as breathing. She’d given Vasili her word. He’d given her a chance to back out and she had said she wouldn’t. That promise might mean little to him, but it meant something important to her—because she had made it tohim.
She was well aware that he didn’t want this marriage, but duty had given him no choice. She had to find a way to get him on her side and keep him there, so that she could realise her plans. She would have to learn to be the Queen he needed. Yet another thing to make her feel uneasy...
Helia hadn’t seen Vasili at all in the two weeks that had passed. The lessons had taken up all of her time, and she assumed he had been coming to terms with being king. So there had been silence. She supposed she could have reached out in some way—but so could he. At the end of each day she’d been so tired she’d often fallen asleep as soon as she’d collapsed on her bed. She hadn’t even been allowed back to the library, which had made her miserable. But at least she had the comfort of some books in her room.
She didn’t know what to expect when she walked down the aisle. There had been no dress rehearsals. Andreas and Carissa had simply explained the order of events to her.
Would Vasili be there at the end of the aisle? Or would he choose to go against the wishes of his advisors? What would she do if he wasn’t there? He had admitted that he wanted to leave. She remembered with great clarity the remoteness in him when they had agreed to marry. His reluctance.
It had stung, but she couldn’t hold it against him.
She took a deep breath. Then another. Falling down this spiral would help nothing. She had a duty. If Vasili wasn’t at the altar, she would deal with it then.
A firm knock sounded on the door and she whirled around just as Andreas walked into the room, dressed in a tailcoat.
‘Good, you’re ready.’
Helia was used to his lack of greeting by now, as if he was far too busy to waste even precious seconds.
‘I think you could pass for a queen already.’
‘I think that could almost pass for a compliment,’ she retorted.
Her relationship with Andreas was now in a rather odd place. He was no longer her boss. In fact, once she was Queen she would be much higher up the hierarchy than him. But he still had far more knowledge of this royal world than she did. His disdain for her was certainly still on display, but it couldn’t last for ever. She would learn what she had to in order to deal with all the palace staff—including him.
‘Perhaps.’ He stepped fully into the room and closed the door behind him. ‘How are you feeling?’
‘A little ill,’ she said truthfully.
‘To be expected. Just remember what you’re supposed to do and say, and it will be fine.’
Helia nodded. As pre-wedding pep talks went, Andreas’s attempt was abominable, but she hadn’t really expected comfort from him.
‘The carriage is outside,’ he informed her, before taking a step closer. ‘And my offer to walk you down the aisle still stands.’
‘I appreciate that, but my answer is still no, thank you.’
‘That isn’t our tradition.’
Helia wanted to say that neither was the King marrying someone who wasn’t of noble birth, but she held her tongue. Andreas had made the offer several times. She knew it wasn’t out of kindness but rather wanting the right image. But she had always known that she would have no one to walk her down the aisle if she ever married. Her father had died, and no one else deserved the honour.
Helia had had to rely on herself for a long time, and she wasn’t the only one who did so. The world she came from was filled with people just like her, so she would walk herself. It would be a show of strength and solidarity for them, even though it was another break in tradition.
‘Shall we?’ She gestured to the door.
Andreas held it open and several women stepped into the room, each of them holding up part of the long, lacy train of her dress as they set off through the palace and then helped her into a waiting carriage, pulled by four magnificent white horses. The carriage itself was white, with gilding and hints of lapis lazuli. Pure opulence.
As soon as the door was closed, they set off for the cathedral.
Vasili stood at the altar of the largest cathedral in Seidon. Alone. There were cameras all over the place. As discreet as they tried to be, he still saw them. Media trucks crowded much of the square outside. The royal wedding was being televised throughout the nation. Vasili pretended they didn’t exist. This wedding was a show. He found nothing sacred in it.
