With the forklifts and saws running across the massive lot right outside the window that overlooks it and the old furniture that’s likely been in this space since Killian’s father ran it—if not before—it’s probably the last place we should be attempting to delve into my forgotten memories.
But after last night, I’m more confident than ever that this is where I need to be.
“It has to be here.”
My gaze drifts to the maps along the wall that go back hundreds of years. Hand-drawn by generations of McBrides who lived and breathed this mountain. They knew it inside and out. Every tree. Every branch. Every leaf. Each river, lake, and stream. All the little nooks and crannies where something—or someone—might hide.
They aren’t just antiquated representations of what this mountain used to look like.
They’re important.
I don’t know why, but something tells me they hold the answers.
And I’m ready to find them, no matter what ugly truths they may contain.
Killian leans in to feather his lips over mine. “I’ll be right here the whole time.”
He slips around to stand behind me. I glance over my shoulder to find him leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest, his back stiff, jaw locked tight in preparation for what might happen.
Shit.
I should have anticipated his uneasiness.
He knows how badly my memories have traumatized me. The fear they bring each time one breaks free from the abyss and lets loose in my head. Killian understands the panic and agony I may suffer if this works. And the thought of having to stand by and watch it is almost too much for him to bear—and we haven’t even started yet.
But with the search party going out tomorrow, we need as much information as we can get, and I’m the only one who has it.
The answers are there.
Locked away somewhere deep in my psyche.
We need to get them out.
I take a deep breath in through my nose and let it slip through my lips the way Killian directed me the other night, remembering how it felt to have his body pressed against my back. His hands resting on my chest and belly, directing each inhale and exhale.
The doctor settles and gives me a smile. “All right, let’s begin. I need everyone else in the room to be quiet, if you have to stay.”
Tony, Connor, and Liam all incline their heads toward him in recognition of his warning, while Raven scowls at him, annoyed that he would even suggest she might leave when he’s about to go digging in my head.
Dr. Bird releases a little sigh. “Fine.” He offers a genuine smile this time, one I’m sure is intended to put me at ease. But it will take a lot more than that to relax this tension from my body. “Willow, I need you to close your eyes, and we’ll begin.”
I can’t help but take one last look over my shoulder at Killian. He offers me a soft smile that he reserves for me, one that shows all his love when no one else is around to witness it. The fact that he’s looking at me like that and smiling that way with all these people in the room gives me the strength to turn away and let my eyes drift closed.
“I’m going to ask you to follow my directions to the best of your ability.” Dr. Bird’s gentle voice guides me. “Picture a safe place, somewhere that you’ve always felt comfortable, some place that feels like home. Somewhere you can relax and forget anything that bothers you.”
Immediately, I’m in the cabin and cocooned in Killian’s arms, curled up in his dad’s old leather recliner.
“Where were you?”
“In our cabin, with Killian in his favorite chair.”
“Good, Willow. What did it smell like?”
I take a deep breath, filling my lungs. “The logs smoldering in the fireplace. Leather, freshly cut wood, summer air. It smells like home. It smells like him.”
It washes over me like a warm breeze, flooding my mind as my body heats, my bouncing knee finally going still.
“Good, Willow. Hold on to that feeling, to that smell. Now, we’re going to focus on your breathing. Slowly breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, concentrating on allowing your lungs to fill fully, and then releasing all the air out of them.”
