Not knowing how to reply, Jay lapsed once more into silence.
‘Maybe your nan’s right,’ Mary said. ‘Maybe this has gone on long enough.’
‘Maybe, but I can’t forget what he did or that you backed him up.’
‘Steve bitterly regrets what happened that day. And so do I.’
‘Really? You stood by him over your son, though.’
‘I didn’t stand by him. Not as such. I didn’t really know what had happened at the time and then I was caught between the pair of you.’
‘He hit me, Mum.’
‘I know and, like I said, he still regrets it. He shouldn’t have done it, Jay, but you weren’t entirely innocent in all of it.’
‘Oh, so you’re still taking his side, then?’
Mary protested. ‘No! I don’t want to take sides at all. But it wasn’t as straightforward as you make out. You were a very angry young man and you did some terrible things too.’
‘Because my dad had died and thenhecame in riding roughshod over Dad’s memories and over us all.’
Mary sighed deeply. ‘I’ll never stop loving your dad, but after he died, Steve, well, he helped me get through the grief. It was a difficult time for us all.’
Jay shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I just can’t forgive him.’
‘I’m not asking you to,’ she said in almost a whisper. ‘And neither is he. We’re both very sorry for what happened and I’d like to be able to move on from that. Being cut off from you all these years has hurt more than I can say and I’d like to have some part in your life, even if it’s just the odd text or phone call.’
Jay sighed. ‘Maybe. I’ll think about it.’
‘Thank you.’ She leaned across the table and squeezed his hand. Jay didn’t know whether he wanted to pull away from her or lean in for a hug. Instead he did nothing and remained still, not daring to move either way.
‘Well, I’ve said my bit. I’ll leave you to it,’ she said as she got up to go.
* * *
Jay and Emma left soon after that too. Jay didn’t know what to say to her. Emma’s first meeting with his nan had been going so well and he’d loved how the two women had got on together. He’d even imagined regular Sunday lunches and toyed with the idea of inviting his nan to their flat so that he could cook for her for a change. Not that she’d enjoy it — she was far toomuch of a control freak. When she’d given him the recipe book, he’d thought his heart would burst. Then his mother had walked through the door and ruined everything.
‘Cup of tea?’ Emma asked quietly when they got back to the flat.
‘I’d prefer a beer. There’s some in the fridge.’ Jay sat down on the sofa. He knew his silence was hard on Emma and she didn’t deserve that. She’d been pulled into the firing line and he felt he owed her an explanation. He’d never told her exactly what had caused the rift between him and his mum. Never opened up to her. And whenever she’d questioned him about his family, he’d changed the subject. But if he loved her, surely he’d be able to tell her anything? As he listened to her moving around in the kitchen, he thought about their relationship. Was he being unfair on her? Because he was afraid she’d think less of him if she knew? But was it worth the risk? To try to be free of it all. Maybe it was time to bite the bullet.
Emma handed him a beer, and put down a cup of tea for herself on the coffee table. Then she sat down on the opposite sofa.
‘What? Don’t you want to sit next to me?’
‘I wasn’t sure you’d want me to,’ she said hesitantly.
‘I’m not surprised. I’m such a moody sod, aren’t I?’
‘I wouldn’t say that. It’s been a difficult day for you.’
He looked at her, lost for words that she was so understanding. ‘I just wasn’t expecting it. Nan truly dropped me in it.’
‘She was just trying to make things right.’
‘See, I told you you’d get on well with her. You’re already taking her side.’ But he said it with a smile to try to lighten the mood.
‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’
