‘No, it wouldn’t,’ Anna said. ‘She’d just up the ante to drive me away.’
‘But we’d be together. I wouldn’t have to be on my own with her.’
‘You mean I’d be your guard dog, your protection. That you wouldn’t be able to do anything without me by your side?’ She shook her head. ‘No, Daniel, that would never work, and I’m not going to come here to be treated the way I was tonight.’
She got up from the sofa and kissed him lightly on the cheek. ‘It’s been a long day and I’m tired. I’m going to bed.’
When she was in bed, she listened for him coming up but was glad when she didn’t hear his footsteps. She longed for the oblivion of sleep, but she lay in bed, watching shadows through her tears as she cried silently. In the past she’d felt lost and alone, but she’d never felt as lonely as she did tonight. In the silence, she admitted to herself that this was the end. No matter what Daniel said about loving her, no matter how much she loved him, their relationship couldn’t survive while he was still a puppet at the end of Lucinda’s string. Daniel wasn’t about to make the break. It would have to be down to her.
She slept fitfully during the night, later finding that Daniel was sleeping next to her. She edged herself away from him when she realised he was there. She didn’t want to risk touching him or waking him, because if she did she knew she would want to make love to him and that would be her undoing.
She woke for the last time just as the light of dawn was streaking through the curtains. She got up as quietly as she could, tiptoeing around the bedroom as she collected her things before getting dressed in the bathroom. Downstairs she called for a taxi and took out the notepad she carried around in her bag. She paused before writing. How could she tell him that she was leaving and she wasn’t coming back? In the end she wrote it the simplest way she could.
I’m sorry, Daniel, although I love you, I can’t do this anymore. Thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me. I will alwaysappreciate the chance you’ve given me. Give Ben a kiss goodbye. I’ll miss you both. Xx
She was waiting outside when the taxi arrived at the gates, glad that it didn’t have to draw up outside the house. Although Daniel was a heavy sleeper in the morning, she didn’t want to risk waking him. She didn’t think she’d have the willpower to walk away if he was there.
She said a breezy hello to the driver, but then was silent as he drove her to the station. Her throat was thick with unshed tears and she was glad he was the silent type. She didn’t think she’d be able to speak. Tears gathered behind her eyes but she refused to let them spill over. She would only allow herself to cry when she was behind the closed door of her childhood bedroom. Back to safety, back to where she belonged. As she boarded the train, she tried to ignore the ache in her stomach, the hollow feeling — the space that Daniel had left inside her.
She dozed on and off throughout the journey, relieved to be getting off the train at Euston. Back on familiar ground, she headed home. She put the key in the lock and listened as she opened the door. Thankfully all she could hear was silence — she was grateful that no one seemed to be there. She couldn’t face anyone right now. She tiptoed up to her bedroom, undressed and climbed into bed. She was so exhausted that she fell into a deep sleep, but even on the verge between wakefulness and sleep, she knew that the tears would come. They were just lying in wait.
Chapter Thirty
When Daniel woke, the sun was already streaming through the curtains. He lay on his back, allowing the events of last night to return to him. With a groan he remembered his conversation with Anna when they’d arrived home. He rolled over to reach out to her, but her side of the bed was flat and empty. She was always an early riser — he hoped her absence just meant she was downstairs.
* * *
Daniel drove towards Lucinda’s house, his hands gripping the wheel with fury. Anna hadn’t been downstairs in the kitchen as he’d hoped. Instead, a lone piece of paper had greeted him with her final words of goodbye. At first he’d been dismayed that she’d left, then angry that she’d slunk away without even facing him. As he re-ran the conversation in his head from the previous night, though, he realised she’d been saying her goodbyes then. If only he’d seen it, maybe he could have talked her round. His emotions had swung back from anger to dismay. He’d thought he’d found real love with Anna, his soulmate, someone with whom he could share everything, his hopes, his dreams, his thoughts, his body. But there had always been Lucinda. And Anna had been right when she’d asked why she should have to risk humiliation at the hands of his ex-wife and her friends, just because Lucinda didn’t want him to find happiness with her.
After reading the note he’d grabbed his phone and rang Anna, but his call went to voicemail. He texted her but there was no reply. She obviously didn’t want to speak to him. And that was when the fury began to grow. Fury at Lucinda that, although it had hurt him when she’d moved on with Axel, and he hated the thought of another man playing father to his son, he’d steppedaside and treated her relationship with respect. Why couldn’t she give him the same?
Anna’s words rang in his head — that Lucinda wanted him to react — and she was right. But what Anna didn’t know, what he’d never been able to share with her, was that there were reasons he’d always treated Lucinda with kid gloves. Reasons why he needed to keep the status quo to preserve the relationship between her and him and Ben. And Lucinda had known that, and now she had pushed things too far. She had pushed him too far, because his life was empty without Anna in it.
Gravel sprayed from the sides of his tyres as he pulled to an abrupt stop in front of Lucinda’s house. He stormed down the driveway, before banging on her front door and simultaneously ringing on the doorbell.
‘Hold your horses! Where’s the fire?’
‘Well, I hope you’re happy now.’ He hurled the words at her the moment she opened the door.
‘Daniel, what—’
‘You’ve got what you wanted. So I hope you’re pleased with yourself.’
‘Daniel, what on earth are you talking about?’
‘Last night!’
‘Oh.’ Her eyes widened. ‘Yes, I’m sorry about last night. Verity had too much to drink and got carried away. She should never have thrown a drink over Anna.’
‘And why would she do that?’ Daniel asked. ‘She doesn’t even know her. So why would she have a go unless she’d been egged on? By you!’
‘Daniel! I don’t know how you can say that. I was with you at the time, if you remember.’
‘But you weren’t with me before, were you? When you were all getting sloshed together. Were you feeding them vitriol? Just like you did before the ball, so that no one would speak to Anna,and then afterwards, when they wrote those snide comments on Instagram.’
Lucinda gripped the door as though she was about to slam it in his face. ‘Maybe that’s because Anna clearly doesn’t fit in. Nothing to do with me!’
‘She doesn’t fit in because you and your friends haven’t given her a chance. I don’t care if you don’t like her. You don’t have to. But I do, and now, because of you, because of how you’ve treated her, Anna doesn’t feel comfortable being here anymore. So if your aim was to drive her away, then congratulations! You’ve done it. She’s gone!’
