I’d lost all control.
Fuck. No. Not now.Not like this.
Rough hands hauled me to the sideline, voices a blur on my periphery. My chest heaved, but the air wasn’t enough to calm whatever demon had possessed my faculties.
The pitch tilted sideways as my ears roared.
I’d ruined it.
The game went on without me, Drew’s broad form cutting through the mess, ball in hand as he rose to the challenge created by my absence. Medics hounded me, but I rolled to keep my eyes on him.
He was fierce. Relentless. And when the final whistle screamed, it was Drew the team hoisted onto their shoulders.
And me? A useless heap, choking on my panic.
The moment Drew could break free, he was by my side, brushing the medics away. He didn’t dare gather me to his chest,even though being wrapped in his protection was exactly what I craved.
I buried my face in my hands.
‘I fucked it. I let you all down. Mum’s going to hate me. She told me not to screw this up, and I did. I’m just a fucking idiot.’
‘Jake.’ Drew’s voice cut through my babble. Slicing straight through my spiralling thoughts. His hand pressed firm to the back of my neck. ‘Listen to me. Are you mad because you lost? Or because you’re worried about letting everyone down?’
‘I… Both. I don’t know. I can’t…’ My chest convulsed. Panic raked through me with nasty claws. ‘I let you down. I let everyone down. I can’t…’
Sarah made it to the pitch, dropping to her knees in front of me and gathering my face into her palms. Her eyes were frantic with worry. ‘Look at me.You’re enough. You don’t have to win everything. You don’thaveto be perfect.’
‘I’m not enough for you.’
‘You are,’ she whispered savagely. ‘Youare, Jake. Always. I don’t care about the scouts, or the game, or any of it. I just want you.’
‘She’s right,’ Drew said, his thumb rubbing slow circles on my neck. Each soothed my panicked senses. ‘We don’t need you to be anything other than who you are. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let us help you.’
His words broke me. The dam burst, hot tears running down my face as Sarah pulled me into her arms and Drew held us both steady. The noise of the crowd faded into nothingness.
For the first time in years, I let it all go.
Water splattered against the tiles, mist clouding through the mostly empty changing room. The aftereffects of my panic attack still shook me as I sat on the worn wooden bench. Mud caked my legs as I buried my face in my hands, focusing on the way the dirt clung to my laces.
Every single breath ached.
Sarah crouched in front of me with her warm hands resting on my knees.
‘Jake, you’re okay. Just keep breathing.’ Her soft voice battled through the roaring in my head.
Drew tossed his filthy shirt into the bin before grabbing a clean towel and wetting it. He knelt deftly beside us and worked the rough material over my legs. With each stroke of the towel, he soothed me.
‘Eyes on me,’ he commanded, cutting through my haze with his sharp tongue. Using his dom tone to bring me back to them. ‘You still nailed it out there. Played your fucking arse off. None of us is infallible.’
‘The scouts saw me collapse. They saw me implode in front of everyone. No one wants that on their team. My mum?—’
‘Fuck your mum.’
Drew leaned forward and gripped the back of my neck, the harshness of his touch a contrast with Sarah’s softness.
‘This isn’t about her. This is about you. You’ve been killing yourself trying to be perfect for everyone else. You don’t need to do that anymore.’
Sarah ran a hand up to cup my jaw, kneeling higher to brush her lips over mine. Tears clung to her dark lashes tiny dew drops. ‘Listen to him. You don’t have to be perfect for me. I don’t need medals, I don’t need scouts. I just need you. You’re enough. Always.’
