“Don’t be silly. You are eminently qualified to lead the expedition. Think of the sense of achievement.”
“Not a bloody chance.”
“Please say you’ll consider it. I’ve brought the map with me. I’m eager to begin the planning of an exploration.”
Slowly, he shook his head. “I’m not the man you want.”
“Come now, Benedict. I’m shocked you’re dismissing the notion out of hand. We’ve never worked together, side by side. The experience would be…mutually beneficial.”
“Mutually beneficial, eh?” His hazel eyes darkened, nearly as green as the forest. “Have you convinced yourself that I am a changed man? Do you think to reform me?”
“I do not believe in reforming a man. Besides, I’m quite well content with you. Just as you are.”
“Just as I am?” He seemed to ponder the words. “Would you continue to hold that belief if I told you I was embarking on another expedition—a venture that promises to be extremely lucrative?”
Her heartbeat thudded in her ears. Something in his expression set her off-kilter. It seemed he’d donned a mask, one that she could not see through to the truth.
“Benedict, whatever do you mean?”
“Tomorrow morning, I am leaving on a steamer. After a stop in Rome, my ultimate destination will be Cairo.”
“My, this is so very sudden. And so soon after your injury?” She strived for composure, even as she struggled to understand the implication of his calmly spoken revelation. “I was not aware you were fully healed.”
He gave a shrug. “My physician might well disagree with my decision, but it’s not as if I’ll be jarring the wound on horseback. An Italian count dispatched a representative to inquire about my services. I have agreed to his terms and will set out within the next fortnight to acquire an artifact of interest.”
“Say you’ll reconsider—say you’ll come with me.” Emotion seared her throat, and she choked it back. “Everything has changed.”
He prowled toward her. His arms caged her with her back to the shelves. “God above, Alexandra, I wish I could agree with you. The idea of staying in London—of staying with you—is a powerful temptation. But I cannot lie to you, darling. Nothing has changed.”
“Of course it has,” she said, searching his face for some clue to what was in his heart. “You…and I—we’re not the same people we were only a few weeks ago.”
“You’re a beautiful woman. Any man would be honored to have you at his side. But I cannot delude myself that I am the man for you.”
Ducking his head, he brushed a kiss over her lips. His breath warmed her skin as he lowered his mouth to her throat, the gentlest of caresses.
“And if I do not want another man—if I want you, Benedict?”
A muscle in his jaw tensed and released as he appeared to fight an inner battle. “I won’t lead you on. It would be unfair to the both of us.”
“Lead me on?” She pulled in a breath. “It’s nothing like that. It never has been.”
“This won’t work—you and I are not meant to be.”
“How can you kiss me like you do?” she whispered against his lips. “How can you love me like you do…and say we are not meant to be together?”
“Darling, I’ve always wanted you.” He kissed her again, a tender caress that spoke of passion and dreams unfulfilled. “But I am not a man in any position to take a wife. Not now. Perhaps not ever. And I refuse to treat you a like a mistress. It’s best that we go our separate ways.”
“You know I share your desire,” she whispered. “I want you now. And always.”
Claiming her mouth, his arms captured her in a passionate embrace. He drew her to his long, lean body. The heat of his skin permeated his linen shirt, infused her with a delicious warmth. His tongue parted her lips, and she drank in every sensation. Tasting him. Relishing the flavor of his mouth. Immersing herself in the delicious warmth of his muscle and flesh.
“I want you, Alexandra. I would never deny that.” His arms fell to his sides, and he stepped away. “But that changes nothing. Not a damned thing.”
Her heart stuttered. She stared up at him, making no effort to hide the shock and pain that coursed through her.
“You are not making sense. How can you say you want me, but push me away? How can you believe that all will go on as before? Do you think that we can truly separate our lives after what we’ve experienced?”
He took her hands in his. The slightly coarse texture of his skin against hers was oddly pleasant, even as his words cut deep as a dagger’s blade.
