‘Oh yeah, it’s very early days. Pre-days really.’ Lindy was dragging the other chair over so Patrick could sit. ‘I’m working with a pal as a kind of trial run, and obviously I’m trying to get the necessary structures in place. I’ve a bit of experience of not getting things in writing early on in a venture, so I’m just very keen for The Snag List to be watertight on that front.’
‘Of course.’ He slung off his backpack and took his seat, pulling out his laptop. ‘I had a good look through everything you sent me, and I can see what you mean about it not being a standard one-size-fits-all release form, but we can definitely draft an approximation of that and add and subtract clauses et cetera on a case-by-case basis. It’ll mean a bit more money needed for contracts in general, but better paying money into the legals rather than the lawsuits. I’ve sent you over a draft to get us started. Do you need me to tailor this to the specific clients you’re working with right now?’
Forty minutes later and Patrick had said his goodbyes and sent through an invoice in the time it probably took him to exit the building.
‘Oh, he is very prompt with that stuff.’ Finn laughed.
‘His rate is really good, you were right – thanks so much for gifting him to me!’ Lindy smiled. ‘I can’t wait to start the course and I’ll be recruiting actual clients soon. It’s getting real! Eek,tooreal!’
‘I don’t want to be compounding the too-real-ness but, Lindy, I’m getting vibes. Is everything OK? You’ve hardly been saying a word on the family WhatsApp since you moved out here. Is it the house? Adam?’
Lindy felt herself flinch. Oh God, Finn was impossible to hide things from.
‘OK, Lindy, you just flinched at his name. What’s going on? When ye were back home in Drumcondra, you didn’t have to say it for me to know things weren’t brilliant. But I thought you both just had Pandemic Traumatic Spouse Disorder after the lockdowns. I figured that it woulddissipate. Are things worse? Are you two OK?’
Lindy took a deep breath and prepared to lie. She tried to smile in what she hoped was a reassuring fashion. ‘Well—’ she began, but then she cracked. This was Finn: she had to tell her. The idea that Finn would come here and not know immediately that something was wrong had been ludicrous.
‘Lindy.’ Finn came over to hug her and this time Lindy didn’t stop her. ‘Tell me.’
So she did …
‘That effing bastard. Jesus, Lindy, I am so sorry.’
‘I know.’ Lindy had cried all the way through the retelling and now felt wrung out.
Finn looked at a complete loss. ‘I feel so bad for what I said. I actually really do like your trousers.’
Lindy snorted.
‘I do! I like seeing you dressed up, it feels like – I dunno – a good sign or something. And then you tell me all this is going on. How are you keeping everything together?’
‘I’m keeping it together because I have zero other choices.’ Lindy sighed. ‘Like, what can I do? That is a genuine question, by the way, because I can’t picture a way out of this that doesn’t completely ruin Max. Earlier he asked if I was leaving Maxxed Out because it wasn’t good any more and it just killed me. What would he do if I was leaving his dad?’
Finn looked helpless.
‘You probably think I’m pathetic that I haven’t confronted Adam yet—’
‘I absolutely don’t, Lindy, not for a second. Look at me. Two marriages, same man. Did I learn? No. Love is absolutely baffling sometimes. It’s so hard. “Marriage is hard” as a phrase is so overused that nobody even hears the words any more. Marriage. Is. Hard. No two ways. I don’t hold with that whole “if it’s love then it should be easy”. Lies. Fuck that,’ she hissed and Lindy had to laugh.
‘But it definitely was easy at the start – I remember it was.’ Lindy picked up her now-freezing coffee and stirred it for something normal to do. Saying everything out loud to Fionnuala was reigniting the shock and sadness she’d been trying to keep buried.
‘Of course it was easy at the start. In the beginning, you’re all cocooned away in a sex den of pheromones. Then life forces its way in. And it came in on you and Adam very quickly. You had tough things to contend with in pretty quick succession. Adam moving to a new country; Max, the sweetie, charging along; the pregnancy you lost; the business taking off; the mother-goddam-fucking pandemic.’ Finn stopped and silence swelled in the room. A lot had just been said.
Lindy pulled nervously at her bottom lip. ‘What should I do, Finn? I’ve thought and thought and I really don’t want to give up on our family.’
‘People co-parent, Linds. People adjust. You know leaving him would not be giving up on your family.’
‘OK, yes, I know that in theory. I just can’t imagine confronting him. We could lose everything – our business, our home … I can’t imagine being the one to strike that match. Is this enough to do that?’
‘That is up to you, sweetie. Can you get past it? You don’t even know fully what “it” is or was. And if you never ask, will that unknown eat away at you, or can you reconcile yourself to it? I am not judging in any way, by the way. I know I’ve been vocal in the past about you and Adam getting married quick and all that, but I know how complicated life can be, and working through or not working through something like this is so personal. Only you can know.’
‘For fuck’s sake, Finn. The one time I want you to boss me and you’re all Switzerland about it.’
‘OK, leave him.’
‘What?’ Lindy balked, jerking her cup and spilling coffee.
‘Right, freeze.’ Finn seized her shoulders from across the desk. ‘How did it feel when I said that?’
