The two funeral directors looked as close to death as Miles had the night before.
Ali rubbed her burning eyes after the men stepped out to gather some forms. Mini and Eleanor would be along shortly and Ali couldn’t wait to hand over responsibility for this thing.
‘Planning a funeral is such a bizarre activity.’ Liv was leafing through the coffin catalogue while Ali agonised over the wording for the obituary.
Ali looked up and tried to make a stab at normality. ‘I have a theory …’
‘Go on.’ Liv sounded intrigued.
‘The lads,’ Ali jerked her head at the door through which Mr Dunville and Mr O’Connor had just exited, ‘d’ya reckon they kind of “corpse-up” so the make-up job on the real corpses looks better by comparison?’
‘Ali!’ Liv looked stern. ‘Although,’ she conceded, ‘it would be a good approach, I suppose. Bit like a reverse of the girls on reception in the cosmetic surgery places.’
They giggled awkwardly.
Then Ali stopped. ‘Wait, should we be laughing?’
‘I know, I know. But they kind of bait you, don’t they.’ Liv held up the catalogue open to a floral arrangement made to look like a Jack Russell terrier.
Ali giggled again in spite of herself. ‘Is that a toupée on its head?’
‘Bizarre.’ Liv grinned.
‘I’ve really missed you,’ Ali said softly. ‘I’ve really missed us. I’m sorry, Liv. I can’t believe I put my Instagram before our friendship. You’re like my sister.’
Liv slung an arm around her and replied, ‘You, thank god, are not like my sister. She’s the worst. I love you too, darl. We’re better than family – you know that, right? – cos we chose each other.’
‘Right in the feels, Liv. I’ve never heard you be so sincere! You should be writing this.’ Ali shoved the pad and pen towards Liv, who studied what she’d come up with so far: the date.
‘Ali, this date isn’t even right!’
‘I checked my phone.’ Ali pulled up the calendar and proffered it to Liv.
‘Nuh-uh, that’s out by, like, two weeks! How are you living like this?’
‘I use the laptop calendar for my appointments. Also, could we be arguing about something more inconsequential right now?’ She took back the phone and started to reset the date.
‘Miles was a loving father and husband … or should we put husband first? Would Mini mind?’ When Ali didn’t respond, Liv looked over, puzzled. ‘Ali, what’s wrong?’
Ali couldn’t speak and her vision was weird. She felt like it was zooming in and out of focus, like that bit inJawswhen yer man sees the shark at the beach for the first time.
‘Ali? Ali?’ Liv was whispering urgently.
‘The phone’s crazy,’ Ali finally managed to say. But even as she said the words she knew that the phone was not crazy. Things were lining up in her mind that very much supported the idea that the phone was not crazy.
‘What? What is it?’ Liv looked panicked.
Ali’s mind continued to skip through the recent past. No sex on Valentine’s because she’d had her period – though that wasn’t the reason she’d given Sam. How long ago was that? According to the phone: too long.
‘Ali?’
‘Phone says I’m pregnant.’ Ali held out the period-tracker app and promptly burst into tears.
At this point, the cadaver-like funeral directors returned.
‘Oh jaysus, it’s terrible when it hits you, isn’t it?’ Mr O’Connor slid the tissues across the table to the sobbing Ali.
‘She’s just … very shocked.’ Liv looked awkward. ‘Will we be much longer here, do you think?’
