‘If he chucks you under the bus, I’ll kill him.’ Jim was rage-eating the Bourbon Creams and glaring at the TV.
‘What are you doing blocking my driveway?’ Dan was stabbing at the keypad, apparently trying to hurry the gates up. ‘Slow news day or what?’
‘Your wife’s comments have caused huge upset – are you saying you don’t care about that? Do you not care about your wife, Mr Devine?’ Teresa thrust the microphone into his face.
‘Don’t care about my wife?’ Dan echoed thoughtfully and Shelly held her breath. Oh god, no, Dan, please, no. She knew she wouldn’t be keeping up the pretence of a marriage anymore but she couldn’t bear this being how everyone found out. It was too humiliating on top of everything else. She covered her eyes and rocked slightly while Dan’s question seemed to hang in the ether for an age.
‘Of course I care about my wife.’ Dan grasped the microphone and stared into the camera. ‘She is taking some much-needed time right now. She’ll speak about this matter when she’s ready. And it won’t be to you vultures.’
Dan put the car in drive, held on to the mic, snatching it right out of Teresa’s hand, and threw it into the bushes. The camera panned to Teresa’s shocked face and then back to the gates closing as Dan swung up the driveway, giving the finger out the sunroof as he went.
‘Well, that was decent of him,’ Sandra muttered.
Shelly exhaled. Thank god. She stood and went to the window that overlooked the side of the house. She pulled the curtain back. Dan had parked and was watching something on his phone. It could only be the leaked footage. Shelly bit her lip. Would he come in to her?
He shoved the phone into his suit pocket and massaged his temples, then gathered his coat and laptop and got out of the car. He turned and headed straight for the garden; as he passed close to the window, he started, having spotted Shelly. They stood staring at each other, separated by so much more than glass. As the gentle bickering of her parents receded behind her in the cosy room, Shelly felt the anger of the previous weeks drain away. Since the one and only counselling session, she knew in her heart they could no longer be together, and her head had told her this would be OK. Eventually.
Dan looked defeated somehow too. She mouthed ‘thank you’ and he shrugged, his mouth set in a line of resignation. She mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ and that seemed to crack him. He smiled, if a little grimly, and nodded slowly. She pulled out her phone to text him.
Don’t forget mediation on Friday morning. And, Dan, I really am sorry. XX
She watched him read it and nod slightly. He looked up at her. ‘I’m sorry too’ – his lips echoed hers and Shelly smiled gratefully. He turned and continued towards the garden, but then stopped and turned once more. He tapped on his phone for a moment and then held it up. The video of her rant was playing and she squirmed, but he grinned and made the universal ‘you’re bananas’ gesture before shaking his head and heading on to the Seomra. Shelly smiled with the relief that he wasn’t holding it against her. She closed the curtain back over and returned to her parents, who were having a heated debate about the biscuits.
‘The Bourbons are a good crisis biscuit,’ Sandra was insisting.
‘Shhh,’ Jim shouted over her. ‘They’re playing it again.’
The anchor was introducing the footage with a warning that some of the content might be upsetting, particularly to expectant mothers. ‘There is strong language and violent imagery. Discretion is advised, especially for younger viewers. We’ve been advised by our source that Ms Devine is referring to motherhood in these clips.’
‘’S just crap.’ The clip began with Shelly standing, looking exasperated, in the clearing of the forest.
‘I was saying all her BS about motherhood being this big spiritual thing was crap! Not that motherhood was crap,’ Shelly wailed, all serenity brought about by her reconciliation with Dan evaporating instantly.
‘Shhh, Shelly.’ Jim leaned forward.
‘Some mornings you’re so tired.’ The camera shook as whoever was filming adjusted the angle. It was low to the ground, as though the person was filming in secret. ‘You just feel like a wrung-out old J-cloth. There’s actual poo in your hair and you wish you could just get rid of the baby.’
The clip appeared to jump and then resumed.
‘I did not want to kill my baby, I just wanted a bit of peace.’ The camera swung round to capture some of the assembled women and zoomed in on a sobbing Joanna. Shelly squinted, trying to work out who must’ve had the camera. The only person she really remembered in the circle had been Ali, who was visible in shot just behind her. Polly had been there, of course. And others whose names she couldn’t remember. It was impossible to tell who it had been.
‘You don’t know what it’s like. They’re sucked on to you round the clock and they don’t do anything but scream and shit. I don’t think I even loved my baby at first. I just felt this huge sense of obligation to her. And then I felt so guilty all the time because I didn’t have the joy. And I was supposed to have the joy and didn’t everyone else have the joy. That’s why I’m telling you this. Forget about the joy.’
Shelly crumbled and Sandra rushed over to hug her.
‘Mam, I didn’t mean it the way they’re making it sound.’
‘Of course you didn’t, luvvie.’ Her mother rocked her, and even in her current state, Shelly was amazed how comforting that could be at thirty-four with a daughter of your own.
‘I said loads of other stuff about how being a mother is hard but so, so worth it.’ Shelly started to shake. Her phone was buzzing endlessly beside her and she couldn’t bear to think what was being said about her.
‘We’ve got fellow social media star Hazel Thomas in studio now to share her thoughts on the debacle.’ The anchor introduced a heavily made-up Holistic Hazel who was clearly fighting to contain her glee at the situation. She beamed at the camera and then rearranged her features into an expression of solemn concern.
Shelly groaned.
‘Hazel, thanks so much for joining us. Can you tell us what the ramifications of this leaked footage will be for a social media star of Shelly’s stature? Especially given the Glossies, Ireland’s most important social media event of the year, are just days away.’
Hazel opened her mouth and Shelly’s whole body tensed.
