“I’m so glad. I’m really looking forward to working with you. I’ll send you the link for the ethics training and some example IRBs so you can start drafting one for this project. Why don’t we meet up in a week or two to see where you are? I’m sure you’ll have lots of questions as you go through this process, and I don’t want you to get frustrated.”
Hah. Little does she know that this project is the least stressful thing on my plate. It’s true I have a lot on my mind. My mom is firmly on Team Weston, and I don’t know what in the world is going on with Peter.
And what about me and Jake? Every time I’m with him, everything feels perfect. But can I trust myself to know for sure, especially with my track record? Or am I just getting swept up by the romance of it all, the excitement of something new? A wave of dread rolls over me at the possibility that maybe Jake and I aren’t meant to be. He’s an incredible guy that deserves someone who is one-hundred percent sure about him, and with all the pressure on me right now, I’m not positive I can be.
In the blink of an eye, I feel like I’m moving backwards after all the progress I’ve made this week.
The thought of Jake and me not being a sure thing anymore—it’s devastating.
I’m desperate to cling to one thing that I know for sure. School is safe. I’m good at it. That even predates Weston.
This project is the one thing I can control. And for now, that has to be enough.
Chapter thirty-one
Jake
My life has been a rollercoaster lately, and though I feel disoriented most of the time, it’s the best kind of thrill.
If it means more time with Lucy, I’m all for it.
The date with her was incredible. She seemed to belong in my apartment, and I wondered what it would be like if she moved in.
The thought of integrating my life with Lucy’s is…simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating.
Thoughtslike these never popped in my head when I dated Sam—in hindsight, I never felt comfortable with the thought of her in my space. Her moving in with me never crossed my mind.
And then there was the call room. I close my eyes. Skin on skin—no barrier between us. I already felt deeply connected to her, but after that moment? It was like she was woven into my very DNA.
But before I can think any further, my phone pings.
Wyatt: Hey Joker. You around for dinner tonight? My treat.
My brother hasn’t used that moniker in years. Stomach tightening, my first thought is…uh oh. Is he okay?
And then, almost like an afterthought, a sharp pang spreads in my chest seeing my childhood nickname in black and white. I’d been hoping to hear from him after that awful dinner at the Whitlock McMansion, but I haven’t had the guts to reach out to him on my own. Even though I know he was probably just busy, I couldn’t deal with the possibility of further rejection.
Me: Sure. What are you thinking?
Wyatt: Why don’t I just head over to your place at 7? I’ll bring some food.
Of all the people in my family, I’ve missed Wyatt the most. He doesn’t tear me down with criticism like my dad and Sterling. And he exudes more warmth than my stiff, formal mother.He’s the brother that I might actually have a chance at having a relationship with.
Wyatt arrives right at 7pm with some delicious-smelling Chinese takeout from one of our favorite restaurants, Asian Garden. For once, he’s dressed down, with a blue button-down, short-sleeve shirt and jeans. After he drops the bags of food on the table, I hand him a cold Heineken.
“Thanks, Jake,” Wyatt says. He clinks the top of his bottle to mine, and we both take a sip.
“So,” I say, gesturing for him to take a seat at my small dining room table. “I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
Wyatt has the grace to look sheepish. “Yeah, the time got away from me yet again. I’m terrible about keeping in touch.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “I’ve been busy at my new job too.”
“How is that going?”
“Pretty well.” I recount the past few months to my brother. As I talk, I sense my shoulders easing down. I didn’t realize I had been so tense.
When I make it to the end of my spiel, to my surprise, I add, “I met someone.” I don’t think I’ve ever talked about a girl to anyone in my family. It didn’t seem worth it. But Lucy really means a lot to me, and I realize I want Wyatt to actually know me.
