And what's even more absurd to me is that I still hunger for more.
For once, I’m not scared to try new things; Jake brings out my adventurous side. Is this really a new me, or a version of myself that I buried years ago?
Jake's shift ends soon after our time in the call room, and the vacuum he leaves behind is vast. Thankfully, the ER is busy tonight. If it weren’t, I’d be left alone with this strange feeling in my chest—this restless excitement.
Like I’m ready for something more. Whatever thatlooks like.
As I enter my apartment after my shift ends, exhausted, my phone pings with a text from Jake. Seeing his name light up the screen brings an immediate smile to my face.
Jake: I miss you, beautiful. Apparently, a few hours is way too long to be apart.
Me: I miss you too.
Jake: Would you be interested in hanging out with my friends?
I’m not sure why this hits me so hard. This man is opening up his world to me, and he shows it in every word and action. I never wonder what he’s thinking or feeling—I trust he’ll tell me one way or another.
I giggle to myself. Maybe even in song.
Me: Yes, please!
Jake: You available Saturday night?
Me: Definitely. What are we doing?
Jake: It’s a surprise.
For a second, I wonder if I should be apprehensive about this “surprise.” But then again, this is Jake. He’s never given me reason to worry yet. And I’m dying to meet his friends, particularly the elusive Trix.
As I take a steaming shower, I imagine Jake’s hands all over my body. I’m flushing more from the heat of my thoughts than the shower.
I don’t usually touch myself—maybe this has to do with how tense I’ve been for the past two years. Closing my eyes, I reach between my legs. I let myself sink into the memory of Jake's hands, his mouth, his voice. For the first time in years, I'm not ashamed of wanting. I let out an involuntary moan, as I flick my sensitive nub back and forth faster and faster, picturing Jake sinking deeply into me. My body starts to shake as my orgasm starts to climb.
“Ohhhhh,” I grit out as my thighs clench around my hand, plunging me over the precipice. Shuddering, I lean against the wall of the shower, letting my heart rate slow, while the hot water continues to sluice over my body.
I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed the release. Of course I love doing this with Jake more, but at the same time? There’s something extremely empowering about the fact I can get myself off.
After I towel off and pull on some sweats, I feel languid and relaxed. I debate texting Jake again—maybe see if he wants to come over.
But then my computer rings, alerting me to a Zoom call.
It’s my mom.
My shoulders immediately hunch up and my neck feels tight. I really, really don’t want to answer.
Of course it’s her. I’ve been dodging her calls so I wouldn’t have to tell her I broke up with Weston. For months now, I’veonly texted her about Peter and how he’s doing. I’ve completely sidestepped any comments about Weston.
I just couldn’t bear for her to be disappointed in me again.
But whether I like it or not, it’s time.
I click “accept.”
“Hello?” my mom immediately answers, her weary face appearing on my screen.
“Hi, Mom,” I say, and try to sound upbeat.
“I haven’t talked to you for a while, Lucy-ah.”
