Jake grins, but there’s a sad tinge to his smile. “It almost sounds like you have personal experience with that.”
I sigh, tracing a napkin with my fingers. “Yeah. I spent a lot of my life trying to be perfect for my parents so they wouldn’t have another kid to worry about. Like I told you before, my brother Peter is…troubled…so they have enough on their plate to deal with. I pretty much did what they wanted without protest.”
Talking about this with Jake makes me want to be braver, but I don’t know how to be.
“That sucks that you felt pressured into being a certain way for your parents. I get that on a molecular level.” He pauses for a beat. “And then you went from them to…Weston.”
Jake’s right. I felt caged in by my parents and then just perpetuated that prison with Weston. What iswrongwith me?
“I shouldn’t have said that,” Jake says immediately, an apology in his eyes. “What do I know?”
“No, you’re absolutely right. This is me making the connections that you took about five seconds to make.” Will I ever be really worthy of Jake when I still have so far to go?
Jake sighs. “I think it’s tough for people, me included, to see things clearly when it deals with their own lives.”
Then our food and beers materialize, and I suppress my churning emotions. This is literally the best meal I’ve had since…well, pre-Weston. My stomach isn’t used to this type of food, but I still manage to eat quite a bit. The tastes are glorious in my mouth.
My eyes cut to the man across from me, who is watching me as well. A hint of red creeps up his neck when he realizes I’m looking back. He immediately returns his gaze to his plate.
Jake Whitlock. He’s everything I never knew I wanted. I can admit that now.
But then my heart seizes in my chest. My mind recalls something I should have been thinking of this entire time. The confrontation with Weston, the giddy journey to Bill’s, holding hands with Jake, being called his girlfriend—all of that made me forget.
That look on Jake’s face when he saw Sterling and Sam together at the Centennial—that was real. He’s still not over her, and I can’t discount that no matter how I feel.
Once again, my damned impulsivity is going to be my undoing. I’ve fallen for the guy I’m fake dating.
But he’s still in love with someone else.
And that knowledge swallows me whole.
Chapter eighteen
Jake
Unfortunately, for the remainder of this week, I don’t see Lucy at all because our work schedules don’t match up. By Thursday, after previously getting to see her every day, I’m in the depths of major Lucy withdrawal. I’m tempted to beg my co-workers to swap shifts so that I can align one of them with Lucy’s, but then I risk losing my Saturday night off when I’m playing at TNT.
And she’s going to be there watching meplay.
So until then, I’m reliving every moment of our “fake date,” which may have even turned real by the end. The way Lucy stood up for me to Sterling and Sam still sends a jolt of warmth through me. This woman has shown up for me in a way no one else has and for some reason seems to think the world of me.
For the first time, I feel like maybe, just maybe, I could be worthy in her eyes.
Even if I feel the opposite.
But I’m willing to look past that just for the chance to be with her. As long as she doesn’t believe I’m a failure, what does it matter what I think?
To exemplify how pathetic I am, I literally Google the question: How do you transition from fake dating someone to really dating her? According to love therapist Google, the first step is to acknowledge your feelings. Yup, check. Okay, second, tell her that you want to progress to real dating.
And there’s the rub.
Even though I think she might like me back—the way we held hands in the parking lot at Bill's still sends shivers down my spine—somehow everything changes when it comes time to act on that shaky assumption.
As if I conjured her out of thin air, my cell phone beeps. Lucy’s sent me this hilarious gif of a dancing puffy white dog. The fact that she’s been thinking about me too sends a bolt of energy through my veins.
Me: What is this atrocity? My poor eyes!
Lucy: Are you kidding me? This is the cutest thing ever. Emoji heart eyes 4eva
