“Of course.” I find that I’m a mix of nervous and amped. In my journey to reclaim myself, this will play a large part.
“Thanks. I’m here with Lucy Chang, who’s talking to me about Weston Ashcroft. When did you first meet him?”
I walk Sophia quickly through my past relationship with Weston, detailing how his rages became progressively worse. How initially, Weston just yelled a lot. But then how this was quickly followed by breaking things, cutting up my clothes, and keying my car. I recall a time when he even kicked a hole in the wall. He didn’thurt me, but it was too close for comfort. I talk about his toxic behavior—putting me down, gaslighting me, isolating me from my friends, making all my decisions for me. I recount the night that I hid in my bathroom as Weston ranted outside and how I called Amelia to rescue me. How he still continued to bully me even after we broke up for the last time. As I list everything that happened, I feel simultaneously ashamed and empowered. I feel shame because I allowed a man to treat me this way for so long, but I feel exhilarated because today, I’m finally standing up to him.
At the end of the interview, Sophia leans back into her chair. “Damn, girl, you went through the wringer with this jerk,” she says, shaking her head. “I’m so glad you got out of that relationship.”
“Me too,” I say.
It could have ended so differently for me. I’m so lucky that it didn’t. An image of Tanya appears in my mind; I hope she’s doing okay. Maybe one day she’ll be able to find the courage to leave her abuser as well.
“Can I tell you something off the record?”
Sophia clicks off the recorder. “Of course!”
I smirk, holding up my right hand and showing her my bruised knuckles. “I punched his nose yesterday. Just a preview to the world of hurt he’s in for.”
Sophia lets out a peal of laughter. “You go, girl! This is just the beginning. Your story will be on the front page,” Sophia promises. “The Ashcrofts are a big name, so this was a major scoop. My bossis a huge proponent of the Me-Too movement, and this is right up her alley.”
“Thank you so much,” I say, feeling lighter than I have in a long time.
And the only person I want to celebrate with is Jake.
“How are you feeling about all of this?” Jake asks me after we say goodbye to Ian and Sophia.
I think about it. “I feel exhausted,” I admit. “But it was good for me to talk so openly about what I went through with Weston—I’ve been avoiding it for so long. I didn’t realize what a burden I was carrying by keeping Weston’s treatment of me secret. Now that the truth is out, it’s not as scary as before.”
Jake nods. I just want to reach out to him.
“For so long, I’ve been passive, a spectator,” I continue. “I wasn’t even directing my own life. But now? I feel like I finally have a voice of my own.”
“You’ve always had your own voice,” Jake says quietly. “You just had to remember it was there.”
He’s right. I’ve just never had a safe space to express myself. But Jake’s given me that space, and because of that, I’ve been able to spread my wings.
“Thank you,” I say, feeling so much, but finding myself unable to express any of it. “Are you playing tonight at TNT?”
Jake nods. “Yeah.” He hesitates, stares into my eyes for a beat, and then continues, “Will I see you there?”
I give him a quick smile. “I’ll try to make it.”
The hope in his eyes makes it incredibly hard to leave him, but there are things I need to do before his shift at TNT.
But after tonight, I plan to never walk away from him again.
Before I can fully commit to my plans for Jake, I need to stand up for myself. If I’m going to truly claim my agency, I have to own my truth.
The first step is to set clear boundaries with my mother. I’m no longer going to force myself into a specific mold to please her. She probably won’t like what I’m going to say and may even react poorly. But there’s nothing I can do about that.
The only person I can control is…me.
I don’t want to talk to her on the phone because I don’t quite trust myself yet to hold steady when confronting her in a space where she can respond.
Small steps.
So I decide to write her an email.
Dear Mom,
