My parents have their own motivations too: they didn’t want to deal with Peter, so they dumped the responsibility on me.
And then there’s Jake. He's always put me first. No matter what.
“And it also matters what the decision is,” Amelia says. “While it’s okay on occasion to let someone else decide where you’re going to dinner or what movie you’re going to watch, it's not so great for big life decisions.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Like what to specialize in, where to go for residency, what to wear or eat, who to hang out with.” I feel like an idiot for staying with Weston for so long. And then after a beat: “Or who I want to be with.”
Amelia squeezes my hand. “Choices can be scary—but someone else making them for you doesn't decrease the chance you'll get hurt. If you're going to risk your heart, isn't it better ifyoudecide to make that leap?”
She pauses. “I think the next question is…what do you want to do now?”
WhatdoI want? I’m sick of drifting through life and giving away my free will. I’ve just been waiting for everything to fall in place with little to no input from me. And because I’ve been paralyzed by my past, I’ve been too scared to risk my heart on Jake.
And I think part of me was worried that maybe Jake was the reason for everything good happening in my life—that I wouldn’t be able to do anything myself. But he's never made any decisions for me. It was me that did all of those things.
Jake only provided a quiet safe place where I could think clearly and realize what I truly wanted.
And what I want is him.
Taking a deep breath, I look at Amelia with new resolve. “I think…that it’s time for me to put myself out there. Jake’s worth it. Heck, I’m worth it.”
Amelia grins. “Atta girl.”
Shortly after Amelia leaves, I receive a text…from Jake.
My eyes widen as I read his message; Trix has dug up information on Weston.
After only a moment’s hesitation, I text back. And just like that, I’m going to see him tomorrow.
My heart swells with tenderness for Jake. He really meant it when he said he would be there for me no matter what; he’s still helping me even though I hurt him. And it took courage for himto reach out to me despite not knowing what sort of reception he’d receive.
Now it’s my turn to be just as vulnerable. To show him everything that’s in my heart: how much he means to me, how much I care about him, how I was an idiot to drive him away.
But how?
I don’t have the answer yet. But I have a head full of clarity, a heart full of hope, and one hell of a man who’s worth the risk.
Chapter forty
Lucy
When I get to Bill’s the next afternoon, Trix is typing furiously on her laptop and Ian is scanning through his phone beside her, but Jake instantly glances up at me.
It’s only been days, but it feels like longer. My heart stumbles the moment I see him—messy hair, guarded smile, the ache in his eyes mirroring mine. I want to touch him, but I can't. At least not yet.
Trix stops typing. “Hey, Lucy.”
Ian gives me a wave.
But I have eyes only forJake.
“Hey, guys. Thanks so much for doing this. I really appreciate your help,” I say, trying to remain calm when I’m anything but. What is Jake thinking? Does he miss me as much as I miss him? Is it possible he could forgive me for what I said to him?
“So, you want to know about Weston Ashcroft,” Trix says, closing her laptop. Ian puts his phone to the side, and I slide in next to Jake, the heat from him addictively enticing. I want to touch him so badly, but I try to concentrate. I feel his gaze raking over me, and I barely refrain from pressing my leg into his.
“Weston is a complete douchebag, which is likely a surprise to no one,” Trix continues. “In high school, he beat up his girlfriend, and the subsequent lawsuit was dropped abruptly for no apparent reason. But then I found a payout of $100,000 to the family—an 'anonymous' donation.”
My eyebrows go up. Weston has a history of physical assault, after all. I shiver at the growing awareness that I escaped him by the skin of my teeth. While I had my suspicions, it’s different hearing cold, hard facts about his brutal past.
