Then I watch in agonized silence as Jake collects his things.
When the door shuts behind him, I fall apart.
Chapter thirty-six
Jake
As I leave Lucy’s apartment, for likely the last time, I can’t breathe—my chest is caving in. What the fuck just happened? How did our happy bubble devolve into this mess? In the span of a few days, I went from feeling like I was on the top of the world only to plummet to the depths of despair.
Did we just break up? Did we end before we had even begun?
Lucy just crystallized all of my fears. She realized that she didn’t want this—didn’t want me.
I didn’t measure up. Again.
Maybe she believed we fit before—and that I was enough for her—but she's changed her mind. She’s said as much.
And her mom is embarrassed she’s dating me too.
I knew the entire time…that I was in a dream on the verge of waking.
And now all I want is to fall asleep again.
I only have myself to blame for this mess. Why would a gorgeous woman like Lucy, who could have her pick of any man in the world, choose me? I've never measured up in my father's eyes—why did I believe for even a moment that I would measure up in hers? The reason we’ve been together so far is because we’ve been in our own private world. The sole occasion in which I’ve met her friends was during our fake date, so it doesn’t even count. I’m positive that once it was time for Lucy to truly go public with me in an authentic way, the sheen of our romance would wear off.
The only reason that the fake dates were fine in the public eye were because the stakes were so low. Real feelings were never part of the plan.
But once they were? I wasn’t enough.
I would be absolutely devastated if I were the reason that she couldn’t achieve everything she wanted in life. Lucy is entitled to everything the world can offer, and I’d just hold her back. It’s better that she’s come to this conclusion sooner rather than later, before I inadvertently clipped her wings.
Lucy deserves to fly.
Returning to my apartment, I sit heavily on my couch, rubbing my chest, my heart already torn to shreds. I’m a zombiegoing through the motions, and I just want to rush back to Lucy’s apartment and beg for her to take me back.
But she won’t. She can’t.
She shouldn’t.
The seconds, minutes, and hours of the day creep by. Unsurprisingly, I find myself drawn to my keyboard. The first song that flows from my fingers is “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera, an anthem of empowerment. I played it a lot when I was struggling with the decision to drop out of medical school. I never believed the lyrics, but the idea that I was worthy despite what my father said was comforting nonetheless.
Maybe by playing the song enough, I’ll be able to believe a beautiful lie.
Then my phone emits a ringtone, signifying a call not a text. I glance at it, hoping that it’s Lucy, but instead, it’s Wyatt.
“Hello?” My voice is croaky, and I work to clear my throat.
“Hey, Jake. Sorry it’s so early. But I was hoping you could help me with something.”
“Of course. What is it?”
“I need to… tell our parents.”
I don’t need to ask him what he needs to tell them.
“And I could use a wingman. I know you have your own issues with them and that I’m asking a lot of you. But I could use your support.”
Wyatt’s right. I don’t particularly want to see my parents right now, but I also know there is no way in hell I’m gonna let Wyatt walk into that wolf’s den by himself. “Of course. When?”
