“I’m sorry, Mom. I know you’re disappointed.” Good grief, I literally had to be threatened with bodily harm before going against my parents. How messed up is that?
“Weston’s perfect for you. I’m worried you’ll be single all your life and not give me any grandbabies.”
Why is my mom so obsessed with my being with Weston? Don’t my feelings matter at all? I feel myself shrinking back into the box of acceptable parameters that once felt so safe and now only feels stifling.
I’m just so desperate for her to truly listen to me. “I’m not getting back together with Weston. I’m dating someone new.” Oh God, why did I say that? I’m already super worried about Jake and me—we just have so many forces against us. Mentioning him to my mom may spell the end for us.
But then I know why I said it. I don’t want to keep our relationship in the dark anymore. Something has to change—I can’tremain in this limbo much longer. My heart won’t be able to take it.
“New? Who?” My mom sounds flabbergasted. If I weren’t so stressed out by everything, the irony of her question might be funny—she literallyjustsuggested I was going to be a spinster.
“His name is Jake Whitlock, and he’s really wonderful.” Why does she refuse to listen to me? He makes me sohappy. But I’m sure she hears the seed of desperation in my voice.
“What does this Jake do?” My mom sounds suspicious. Of course, this is the next question she asks.
“He’s a nurse at the hospital I work at.” I brace myself for impact.
“What?” she shrieks. “A nurse? A man as a nurse? At the same hospital? How will that look, a male nurse with a female doctor? That’s just so embarrassing. What will we tell people?”
It feels like an invisible hand is clenched around my heart. Not only do I have a vicious ex still hanging around, but my parents also wish I were still with him. And now I have a new boyfriend who doesn’t measure up to their standards. While this wasn’t unexpected, I’m still gutted by my mom’s response to Jake. Before I told her about him, I could still live in my fantasy world where Jake and I would end up together. Of course I knew better.
I’ve always known.
A dull throb pulses behind my eyes. “Mom, dating him is not a big deal. I'm having fun—it's just a way to pass the time. He’s incredibly talented—he sings and plays piano.”
I cringe at my words. Why am I downplaying how I feel? Jake’s so much more than just some random guy I’m dating.
“So he intends to provide for you by singing?”
I bristle at her cutting comment. While my relationship with Jake is splintering before my eyes, that doesn’t mean I want other people to put down the man I care about. “First of all, no one needs to provide for me. I can do that myself. Plus, we just started dating. Please don’t start naming our unborn children yet.”
But the pressure in my head keeps mounting, and I desperately wish my mom would stop talking.
“Lucy, I’m so worried about you. Maybe you shouldn’t have gone to school so far away. I can’t deal with this on top of Peter.”
It always comes back to Peter. Anguish fills my heart. This is why I can’t make decisions—this is why I can never go against my parents’ wishes.
“I promise to help out more with Peter, okay? Just try not to worry so much.”
“As long as you're with that nurse, I’m going to worry.”
My head feels like it’s going to explode—this played out exactly like I knew it would. I want to claw out of my skin, escape myself and this devastating situation I find myself in. “Can we talk about this later?”
Sometimes my mom can act like a five-year-old. She looks sullen. “Fine, Lucy. But this conversation isn’t over.”
“Goodbye,Mom.”
“Bye.”
Heart racing and head pounding, I shut my laptop. All I want to do is float in a sensory deprivation tank for a few hours to clear my mind.
Instead, I hear a small noise and gasp when I see Jake standing there.
“Jake, you scared me,” I exclaim, my hand over my heart.
“Do you really think we aren’t a big deal?” Jake asks quietly, but the anguish in his voice hits me square in the chest all the same.
The stress that’s built up over the last time Jake was here, the confrontation with Weston, and then this conversation with my mom makes my head feel like it’s going to combust, and I feel so overwhelmed I want to scream. “I mean…we just got together.”
