I’m halfway home when I realize I’m not freaking out, and I should be.
Turns out Elethior absolutely has the power to get me punted off this project, he justhasn’t; and not only that, he flat-out refused the offer in front of me. Add on the fact that we—gag—bonded,and I have no idea why I’m not vibrating out of my skin.
As I unlock the apartment door, I’m in desperate need of spewing this to Orok and figuring out why I feel so… okay with everything.
After Elethior and I returned to the party, the night went well. We mingled as a pair, fielding donor questions with vague reassurances that we’re excited to see what the semester brings. We fed off each other rather instinctively, volleying responses like we’d rehearsed them.
I should belividwith myself. But maybe all that worrying about losing this grant put my hatred into perspective. Maybe I will be able to tackle this project from a place of maturity.
I open the door and almost shout a perkyhoney, I’m homebefore I notice Orok sprawled on the couch, out cold in worn blue sweatpants. He had rawball practice this afternoon, and I know he also had a shift with his call center job where he answers the non-emergency line for an adventure party—he doesn’t take theThere’s a griffon rampaging Center Citycalls, more theI found a nest of pixies in mygarden and they won’t stop hoarding all my jewelrycalls. His laptop and headset are perched on the cushion next to him, and he’s got a folder open on his bare chest and a few books and papers next to his feet on the coffee table.
I quietly unzip my coat, watching him twitch in his sleep.
And he worried about me pushing it too hard this first week.
There aren’t any food plates in the nest around him, so I throw up a quick silence spell around our kitchen and dig out some leftover drunken noodles from—I sniff them—four days ago? Five? They’re probably fine. The noodles are little chewy even after I use a warming spell on them, but I carry two bowls to the couch along with bottles of water.
I watch him for a beat, but he doesn’t appear to be having a nightmare.
“Hey,” I say and kick his knee. “O. You—”
He jackknifes awake.
The folder flies off his chest, one arm winging up in a shield, the other bracing on the back of the couch.
“Orok!” I fumble the bowls and waters but manage to set them on the coffee table, then crouch until his eyes lock on me. “Orok—hey. You’re awake. You’re safe. It’s Seb, O.”
His shoulders heave, arm staying up as consciousness slides over him.
“Seb,” he says, eyes meeting mine.
“Yeah.” I force a smile, heart skittering and aching. “You’re good, okay? You’re safe.”
His arm drops as he does, slumping back against the couch, the heel of one hand digging into his forehead. “Did I—”
“Just scared the shit out of me. My fault, though. I should’ve let you sleep.”
“No.” He scrubs his face and pins me with a look as I rise up out of my crouch. “It’s not your fault. It’sneveryour fault.”
My eyes go involuntarily to his chest and the jagged white scar that sits along the seam of his left shoulder. Seeing it always pierces something deep inside me, my own scar to match his, but internal.
I can still hear the sound he made because of that wound. It wasn’t a scream, wasn’t a shout; something guttural beneath that, the shriek a person makes when they don’t have time to recognize they’re in pain.
Clarity brings my thoughts of Elethior into proper focus.
It doesn’t matter how weird tonight was; nothing’s changed, except for now, I’ll be able to do my project. Elethior’s still Elethior and I only trust that he also wants to work.
There’s no need to dig into the psychology of why tonight didn’t make me freak out.
“Want to talk about whatever dream you had?” I offer, even though I know the answer.
“It wasn’t a dream,” he says. “It was… emotions. It’s not like I have full Hollywood blockbuster nightmares set at Camp Merethyl.”
I hide my shudder by grabbing our dinner and shoving a bowl at him. “That’s a movie no one ever needs to make.”
He forks up a noodle and holds it toward me in a mock toast. It’s shaking. “Hear, hear.”
Mid-bite, he pushes away his laptop, headset, and the folder he launched off his chest so I can plop onto the couch next to him.
