Feige had quieted by now, whether from Hollis’s comforting or because the fear had snuffed itself out, Matherdidn’t know, but he was grateful.
One of the soldiers seemed to come to the conclusion that winning this fight didn’t deserve his energy, because he waved William off. “We won’t be so kind next time, General.”
William dropped his head in a bow. “Thank you.”
The soldier clicked his lips in disgust before turning away, pushing into the crowd. His comrade followed, both of them throwing victorious sneers back at Mather. They had won something. A different battle, one that left Mather gaping as William turned to him.
Before he could get a word in, William heaved him out of Greer’s grasp and bent his head to hiss in Mather’s ear. “The Cordellans are our only allies until the queen gains others. If she can’t, if Cordell is all we have, we cannot antagonize them.”
“They would have hurt Feige,” Mather spat back. “They would have—”
“You don’t know that.”
“I didn’t want to find out! Would you have let them make her screammore?”
Behind William, the Winterians departed back to their tasks, chased off by orders from Greer. Only Alysson remained, her eyes flicking from them to the cottage where she smiled, the same comfort Mather had seen so often before. A smile that let him know he would be okay, becausehow could anyone look at him like that if his life was destined for misery?
Feige stood in front of the cottage now, her hands wringing against her stomach in quick, tight jabs. She didn’t have her daggers anymore, and she stared at the snow packed along the road with eyes that weren’t seeing. Mather took a step forward, but Hollis, hovering just behind her but not touching her, shook his head sharply.
“Feige?” Mather tried.
She flinched. Tears welled in her eyes when she locked on him.
“I didn’t want to be defenseless again,” was all she whispered.
Mather’s heart cracked.
Hollis led Feige away. The rest of the Thaw lingered still, watching, hesitating, trying not to seem like they were still waiting for someone to break.
Mather had a sinking feeling he would be that someone.
“What if we never have other options?” Mather swung to William. “What if Meira comes back and our most powerful ally is still Cordell? What if Noam opens that damn magic chasm and becomes even more powerful?What then?”
William’s jaw hardened. “We will not be in that position.”
“We’re already in that position! You did this to us once before, in Bithai. Angra had sent his army after us, andNoam had agreed to sell me, and you just stood there, because even though we had come so far, all you saw left to do was give up. We’ve comeso far, so many times, but that seems to have only made you even more fearful. What are you afraid will happen? We’ve already lost everything, and we survived. We can survive without Cordell! We can fight them!”
“Just because we could fight Cordell doesn’t mean we should. There are other options—paths that do not risk our people’s lives.” William shot forward, exhaustion vanishing in one last burst of certainty. “We did lose everything, and it took decades to get it back. We will not risk it again. We have it now; we will embrace it. Our kingdom, our lives, our families.”
Mather’s jaw dropped open. The way William said the wordfamilieslike it was just another task, easily accomplished, made Mather look behind him, to Phil, Trace, Kiefer, and Eli. Ahead, William and Alysson waited. A definitive division.
“We were all each other had for sixteen years,” Mather started, turning back to William. “All of us. Finn and Greer and Henn, Dendera, everyone who died too. And I never once felt like we wanted to be together. But wedidn’twant to be together—we didn’t want to set up a permanent family somewhere else, because it might’ve made it impossible to get our real families back. But—we’re supposed tobe a family now? Just that easy?”
Alysson pushed closer. “Mather, we all loved one another—”
“I know we did,” he cut her off, anger making his voice snap, and he wasn’t sure he knew what he wanted out of this. No, he knew what he wanted, he could feel the question hovering on his lips, burning his mouth, filling him up, and bleeding him out all at once.
William just stared at him, didn’t respond, didn’t react, and Mather straightened, sucking in breaths and trying to calm his nerves. He couldn’t though, couldn’t stop what he had started, and the question burst out of him in a roar of need.
“Why do I feel more connected to six orphans than I ever have to my own parents?”
Alysson shook her head, not entirely understanding him, but hurting all the same. William just gaped, confusion making his muscles hard. Mather didn’t want to hear their answers, didn’t want to know, so he spun around, aiming to fling himself after Hollis and Feige.
William grabbed his arm. “Son, don’t turn away from me—”
“I am not your son!” The words tore out of Mather so painfully that blood should have pooled in his mouth. “I want to be—you have no idea how much I want to be. But I’m not, William, and I don’t know why. Tell me why I neverfelt,stilldon’t feel, like I’m anything more than a Winterian soldier to you.”
William’s jaw tightened, his eyes glazed. “You are a Winterian soldier,” he muttered. His voice shook ever so slightly, like he couldn’t hold it in, like maybe, just maybe, this broke him too. “We are all first and foremost Winterians. We need to accept our lives as they arenow. You are our son. Winter needs Cordell. That’s it.”
