Michael’s fingers dug into Ellie’s soft curves as he turned to answer Adam, letting her know she wasn’t off the hook.
“We can help set up,” Michael said. “And clean up. Who’s going to officiate?”
“Sam,” Adam said, naming one of Angel’s old roommates. Ellie had heard about them but never met any of them. Michael had though, and he jerked in surprise.
“Sam?”
Adam sighed, but his lips curved up in a reluctant grin. “He’s apparently a Dudeist and got his certification to be a qualified Dudeist officiant.”
“Dudeist?” Maria asked sounding confused.
“As in the Dude,” Jake said, as if that cleared everything up, and it did for some of them. Maria still looked confused and she wasn’t the only one - Jessica and Hilary also had wrinkled brows. “The Dude. The Big Lebowski.”
“Oh honey, we are definitely having another movie night,” Rick said, shaking his head at his girlfriend. “NoStar Warsand now no Dude? Your cultural education has been sadly neglected.”
Maria snorted. “I’m not the one who had never seenClue.”
“You’d never seenClue?!” Sharon was horrified as she looked at Rick, her hands raising upwards as her voice went high and squeaky. “Flames… Flames, on the side of my face.”
The meeting wrapped up as it became clear it was devolving into a hangout. Michael took Ellie back to his place, tied her to the bed, and made very slow, gentle love to her. Which actually did quite a bit to satisfy her inner masochist, because she was a begging, pleading mess by the time he actually let her cum. It wasn’t kinky really, there wasn’t any pain, but his slow pace, his teasing fingers, the constant edging… and the fact that it was the kinkiest thing they’d done in weeks, despite the missionary position, gave her the biggest orgasm she’d had in weeks too.
Laying in Michael’s arms, she felt… good. Right. His even breathing as he slept made her feel happy to be cuddled up against him. Happy to know she was going to wake up and be beside him.
Yeah, sometimes things still felt a little surreal. Sometimes she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop. But now she talked about it. To Dr. Amy. To Michael. To her friends. Even more reassuring had been hearing that Michael and her friends felt the same way sometimes. Like things in their lives were going so well they couldn’t possibly be real… right up until they had a small fight or did something silly like squirt ketchup over their white shirt during a lunch meeting (poor Jessica), to remind them that no, it was definitely all real.
Although, Sharon didn’t have that problem. She wasn’t broken up about her breakup with Brian, but she wasn’t really happy about it. Ellie felt bad listening to her friend’s sadness about being surrounded by happy couples, because Sharon was amazing and she deserved all the happiness in the world… but as soon as Ellie started feeling actual guilt because she was happy and Sharon wasn’t, she made note of it and reminded herself she deserved to be happy too, and it was okay for her happiness to come at a different time than Sharon’s.
And she really was happy, other than being super sexually frustrated. Her moments of slight panic and anxiety were becoming fewer and farther between, and she wasn’t letting them get in her way anymore. She kept trying. The more she tried, the more the little voices in her head which picked at her, telling her she was unworthy, telling her she was messed up, faded away.
She could really do this.
Running her hand over Michael’s sleeping chest, she whispered the words she hadn’t dared say out loud to him.
“I love you, Michael.”
******
“Tonight’s gonna be a good, good night,” Michael sang cheerfully as he pulled into Andrew’s driveway. A good,goodnight.
Ellie was ready.
He was pretty sure she thought he’d been asleep last night when she whispered her little confession - and he had been right on the verge of sleep - but he’d been awake enough to hear her. As long as he hadn’t dreamed it, which he’d almost feared he had. But he’d held himself still and waited until she’d fallen asleep before pinching himself, just to make sure.
Awake.
Which meant Ellie loved him. Was even willing to say it, even though she’d thought he was asleep when she had done so. But the more important thing was that she’d confessed it to herself. They’d talked about a lot of things with Dr. Amy during the session he’d attended, and Michael had quickly come to understand a lot of Ellie’s anxieties could only be resolved by her. Which was incredibly frustrating for a Dom who just wanted to fix everything, but the best thing he could do to help was be supportive and patient while she worked on readjusting her attitude and responses. She’d also asked him to point out when he noticed her withdrawing. She might need some space or a minute to decide what she wanted to do, but it did seem to help her to have it pointed out. And then they’d talk aboutwhyshe’d felt the need to withdraw at that moment.
The first few times she’d talked about it, she’d seemed almost scared to, like she was afraid he was going to hear what she was saying and run screaming into the night. The more he’d listened, the more he’d just let her talk her way through it, the more comfortable she’d become. Especially after he’d become more open with her.
Told her some of his own worries. His own fears.
Like how he didn’t want to push her too quickly. How he worried about accidentally triggering another panic attack. That he was concerned she only wanted him for sex. That confession had sent her into a fit of adorable giggles when he’d forlornly confessed it, practically pouting at her with overly wide eyes. He’d only been half kidding. She’d immediately spouted off a long list of his most attractive qualities, which he’d enjoyed listening to.
Putting his car in park, Michael headed around the side of the house to the entrance to Andrew’s basement apartment. Last week, Andrew and Kate had put in an offer on a house just a street away and had it accepted, so now they were just waiting to close, which was happening next week. Till then, Andrew’s residence was still the basement apartment of his dad’s house.
The door opened before Michael even raised his hand to knock, and Andrew grinned at him. An almost goofy grin on a half-naked man. Andrew’s jeans were slung low around his hips, but his entire upper body was completely bare. “Hey man.”
“Hey,” Michael responded, eyeing Andrew slightly. His grin was a little too goofy for Michael to feel entirely secure when he didn’t know why Andrew was grinning.
