“I am so not taking that bet,” Jessica retorted. Ellie blushed.
Should she want a time limit already in there? Would it be easier to renegotiate at the end of a month? Two months? A year?
The idea of a year made her feel a little panicked. A year was such a long time. A month seemed so short. But what if things started to get weird after just a month and a half and she was still locked in for two more weeks? She’d feel honor bound to just get through it, which didn’t sound appealing at all. Michael would be the same way, and she hated the idea of him spending time with her just because he said he would.
An open time frame for a contract sounded better. It could end when it needed to. No need to trap herself, even in just a club relationship.
“You look kind of panicky, hun, are you okay?” Leigh asked, reaching out to gently touch Ellie’s knee. “We can change the subject.”
“No, it’s okay… I’m okay,” Ellie said, although now that Leigh had said something she realized her chest was feeling kind of tight. She hated how sometimes her body just reacted without any real reason. “I’m just…” She let out a long sigh. In the back of her head she could hear Dr. Amy’s voice again, encouraging her to open up. To let people in a little. “Anything to do with relationships makes me nervous.”
“So it’s not Michael, specifically?” Angel asked, leaning on the armrest towards Ellie, her hazel eyes sharpening with interest.
“No, definitely not. I feel safer with him than with anyone.”
“When was your last relationship?” Jessica asked.
“High school.” Ellie’s teeth snapped shut as she practically bit off the last word. She didn’t like to think about it. Didn’t like to think abouthim.
On her knee, Leigh’s fingers tightened in a supportive way, just as Angel reached out to put her hand over Ellie’s, which was when Ellie realized she’d clenched her hand into a fist.
“It’s okay, Ell. We… well, we all kind of figured out something really bad happened to you. You don’t have to talk about it,” Angel said softly, her voice full of compassion and understanding. “You’ve taken my class. We all know there are way too many women out there who have had something happen to them.”
Leigh shivered. Ellie only knew because she felt it. Her eyes were downcast on her own lap, the familiar feelings of shame and humiliation rising up. It was one thing to think people might have guessed, another to realize they actually knew.
“I was attacked in the parking lot here,” Leigh said softly. “If Kate hadn’t come to my rescue, I know I would have been hurt. Maybe raped.”
“My prom date in high school shoved me up against the wall at the after party we were at when I told him no,” Kate said, her voice faraway. Ellie peeked to see the gorgeous blonde staring off into the distance. “Grabbed my boob and almost tore my dress. I started screaming and my friends came running. He apologized later, said it was just because he was drunk, but I never spent any time with him again after that.” Her voice hardened at the end.
“I only ever played Seven Minutes in Heaven once, when I was fourteen,” Lexie said. “The guy shoved his hands down my pants and touched me. I bit him and kicked him in the balls.” She sounded so proud of herself that the sad tension, which had been growing in the room, broke and everyone started laughing. Even Ellie. She looked up to see Lexie shrugging, although her cheeks were pink and her smile wasn’t entirely genuine.
“A guy tried to follow me from a party back to my dorm when I was in college. He kept catcalling me and asking me why I was being a bitch by ignoring him. I kept walking faster, but having to chase me just made him angrier,” Angel said, giving Ellie’s hand - which was no longer a fist - a little squeeze. “I was lucky, I found a campus security guard on the way and she chased him off. She’s the one who told me about the self-defense course the campus offered.”
The words bubbled up inside Ellie and it felt like her chest hurt from all the years she’d spent pushing them down, holding them in. Her gaze dropped back down to her knees where Leigh’s hand was still resting. Where she could see Angel’s hand gripping hers out of the corner of her eye.
“My high school boyfriend raped me at a party,” she said, choking off the words as a sob rose in her throat. Her shoulders hunched forward, waiting for the blow. The questions.The disbelief. The judgment. The usual reactions.
Angel’s hand gripped her harder.
“Oh honey….” Kate’s voice was so much closer and Ellie looked up in surprise as the light around her dimmed and she was suddenly in the center of a protective circle of support and love. They were all around her, someone perched on her right, Angel leaning in from the left, hands on her shoulders, her legs. Tears rose. Hope, almost too painful to bear, slid through her.
“We were both drunk, but I didn’t want it… Ididn’t. I said so. I’d told him maybe we could, before the party, but when he started pushing meI said no.” Her voice hitched as the tears slid down her cheeks. They swam in her eyes, making it impossible to see.
“We believe you,” someone murmured. She didn’t know who, but it didn’t matter, because everyone else was immediately saying it too, their voices full of concern without an ounce of doubt or disbelief.
Not one of them asked if she hadn’t been clear. Not one of them asked why she’d told him ‘maybe’ if she was going to change her mind later. Not one of them tried to get her to ‘see his side.’ They just surrounded her with complete and total support and love.
They were onherside.
Ellie dissolved into sobs as she leaned against someone’s arm, both her hands clutching others, and what felt like years of resentment, anger, self-doubt, and self-recrimination flowed out of her.
Chapter 8
“So a club contract, huh?” Angel asked, plopping down on the couch next to Michael and peering at the laptop he was using.
Michael sighed inwardly. This was what he got for coming over to Patrick’s to work on Marquis stuff. He’d called out sick, not really caring whether or not he’d get a good reference from the job. They didn’t really need him at this point anyway, he was just sitting around doing nothing, so he might as well be at home working on something for his future. He hadn’t realizedAngel and Lexie would be there as well and, while some of their observations were welcome, they kept dropping hints which he recognized as avenues to open a discussion about him and Ellie.
Apparently Angel had now lost her patience with the hints and his luck had run out, because Patrick had gone into the kitchen to help Lexie make lunch. No chance of ignoring her by talking about business with Patrick anymore, unfortunately.
