Years.
Then Michael put his arm around her and…
And everything went to hell because her head was all fucked up.
Because she was embarrassingly, horribly damaged. Yeah, this was why she avoided doing the whole ‘more than playing’ thing. All her new friends staring at her with concern, all of them thinking the same thing - ‘What’s wrong with her?’
Ellie drank the entire shot of whiskey in one gulp. At least, she assumed it was either whiskey or bourbon by the tiny bit of flavor she managed to taste. The burn went all the way down her throat, spreading some warmth through her chest. Her fingers tingled. Unfortunately, it didn’t do anything about all the people still staring at her.
Her shoulders hunched forward, as if to ward them off.
“Master Michael? Master Michael, your room is ready.” Ellie recognized Glory’s voice, coming from behind her. Glory was one of the submissives who paid a discounted membership rate to Stronghold in exchange for shifts taking care of the private rooms, helping out Doms after scenes, and cleaning equipment in the Dungeon.
“We’re not going to need it tonight-” Michael started to say, and Ellie immediately interrupted.
“No! I mean, yes, we still want the room.” She spun in her seat, towards Michael, still holding his hand, so she could see Glory. The blonde submissive looked confused. Looking up at Michael, she could see the concern and hesitation in his face. “Please? It will help, I swear it will.”
Not only would it give her some privacy, but she’d found a play session really could help her regain her lost equilibrium. The pain helped focus her mind on the present rather than the past, and she always felt cleaner afterwards. Calmer. More in control. Sex was easy, especially in Stronghold where she had the final say in everything. She needed that.
If he didn’t play with her tonight, she’d have to go find someone else. Her little… episode… had left her shaken and anxious, and if she didn’t find some way to burn off some energy, she’d have nothing but nightmares tonight and possibly for days to come. It wasn’t just about wanting to do a scene now, sheneededit. And she’d much prefer it be with him, because even now, he made her feel safe.
Even though being held by him had triggered some kind of sensory memory and her episode.
Well, she’d never claimed her head made any sense.
Studying her face, she could tell he was hesitant, and she squeezed his hand. ”Please, Michael.”
Slowly he nodded. “Alright.” Looking up, he glanced around the table. “We’ll see you guys in a bit.”
Ellie barely glanced at the others, hating the conflicted, concerned expressions on their faces. Hating being the center of attention.
As she started to slide off the bar stool, Leigh’s arm tightened around her for just a moment.
“If you needanything, we’re here,” Leigh whispered, before releasing her.
Warmth flooded Ellie, chasing away some of the humiliation. Leigh didn’t sound judgmentalor disapproving, just fiercely protective. She accepted Ellie knew what she was doing, but wanted to make sure Ellie knew Leigh was there for her if she needed. Even though Leigh had known Michael for longer than she’d known Ellie, she was ready to come to Ellie’s defense if needed.
Suddenly, it wasn’t so hard to look at everyone anymore as she realized she didn’t need to be embarrassed. Not about her episode, and not about her need for a scene after it.
Concern is not necessarily a bad thing. It doesn’t mean they’re thinking you’re crazy.
Thanks, Dr. Amy.
Forcing a smile onto her face didn’t take as much effort as she thought it would, and she managed to look at everyone around the table before turning away, her hand still in Michael’s. There was concern on his face too, but he wasn’t looking at her like he thought there was something wrong with her, just like he was worried about her.
There is a difference. Keep remembering that.
This was not a group of people who liked to cast stones. They didn’t judge. They didn’t think they knew better than her. They were just there… just in case.
They were pretty awesome.
Ellie could have really used them earlier in her life.
******
Holding Ellie’s hand in his, Michael was more relieved than ever that the Interrogation Room - the room he’d originally wanted to reserve - had already been completely booked tonight. While she seemed eager for a scene, after seeing her go completely pale, blank, and unresponsive - and not knowing why - he wasn’t up to pushing her as much as he’d originally planned.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked, giving her hand a small squeeze as they headed down the stairs.
