“Of course. Did you pick up the mail?”
“Yes, I’ll sort out mine and bring yours out to you.”
As I continued looking through the envelopes, I was surprised to find a card in what looked like Josh’s handwriting, confirmed by his return address in the left-hand corner. It’s been a month of rare texts and messages, and they are only directly related to the upcoming wedding. Walking around from the kitchen to the den, I bring my grandmother her mail.
“I’ve had a card from Josh apparently.” I looked at both of them to see if they were aware of this development. They both look blankly at me, but then again, I’ve watched them play bridge enough times to know better than to expect them to tell me much with their faces.
“Well, I’m just going to change into lounge wear and read my card then. Oh, I’m headed to the store if you need anything Nona, let me know.”
“Okay.” Rose says, giving nothing away.
“Okay.” I say back.
Once I’m in my room I open the card. The front of the card is a lovely drawing of the Colorado Rockies. The message inside is short.He wants to meet?I change clothes and read the card again. I go out to the kitchen and pour a glass of wine for myself, and take it back to my room. I’ll go to the store tomorrow. I need wine more than I need whatever it was I thought I was going to shop for. I can’t even remember. I purposefully raise my eyebrows at both Georgette and my grandmother without saying a word, but they just smile, all innocent. I sit at my vanity where I’ve left the card and put my hair in a loose braid while I read the card again.
He wants to talk to me. About what? He’s made it clear it’s not about the wedding. He has been careful not to push me to give him another chance, so that’s unlikely…unless. Then, with a sinking feeling I recalled my text to Jenny. I’ve done this to myself, I realize, as my throat burns, followed by my eyes. I wanted to sever the romance between Josh and me, so I brought them together. Now, he’s being a gentleman and wants to meet with me in person before the wedding, so I’m prepared to see them together as a couple.
I slump in my chair, thinking of elegant, gorgeous Jenny Park and Josh together. They make perfect sense. And I made it possible. This is what I wanted, right? So why am I crying?
I try convincing myself in the mirror. “I’m happy for him. For them both.” My eyes look sad and the lump in my throat tells a different story.
Now, what do I do, meet with him? I mean, if I say no, I’m the asshole that set them up and then wished I could take it back. I could just say I’m working right up until the wedding, and there won’t be time. Except he knows I was planning on coming out a week earlier. In the meantime, I can stalk them on social media and get used to the idea. Josh isn’t active on any social media lately, but Jenny sure is.
With a growing sense of dread, I scroll through Jenny’s latest posts. No Josh. They are probably waiting to speak with me first. I drink more wine, hating my choices.
Fine. I’ll have two whole weeks to get used to the idea of Josh and Jenny together, and then I can face them like a grown-up, or at least the approximation of one, and pretend I’m thrilled for them.
No problem.
I’ve survived an entire childhood with Ellen Mendes. I can fake my way through a week of my tortured, broken heart.
I finish my glass of wine, wishing desperately that it would magically refill without having to walk by Nona to get another. I don’t want to talk about the card or why I need a second glass of wine.
I look at my missed messages from today. Tamar has sent me a text; so has Joseph. Everyone has been more solicitous since Passover. Tamar wants to confirm what dress I’m wearing to the rehearsal and the wedding. I send her a picture of my dress. She wants to make sure the sisters are all in the same color scheme. Thankfully, Felicia and Eddie are forgoing formal bridesmaids and groomsmen and are just being walked down the aisle by their parents. They do have Tamar and Joseph signing their ketubah as witnesses. Felicia doesn’t have a color scheme, which has made my control-challenged eldest sister feel unhinged—her word, not mine. She decided we should all wear some version of navy blue or something that compliments navy blue since that is the color of Eddie’s suit, and it will “play well in the pictures.”
Joseph, on the other hand, just sent me a text, “just checking on my little sister!” I’m not sure I’m ever going to get used to these new versions of my siblings. In speaking with Joe, he explained that he was worried he would hurt me by being his usual ‘emotionally clumsy’ self, so he kept his distance from me for a long time. He could tell I was struggling, but never felt like we were the kind of family who could talk about real stuff before now. Everything since Passover has been a revelation. I don’t know if I’ll ever be as close to any of them as I am with Roselyn, but I’m having real conversations with most of them. Well, Daniella and I are just kind of sending funny memes back and forth, but for us, that’s incredible growth.
I call Ros, and her phone answers on the first ring, but it’s not her.
“Yo.”
“David?”
“Hey Lily. Roselyn is washing her face, give her a minute. Or five. How are you?”
“Well, I’ve had worse days.”At least, that is true. But that bar is so low.
“Uh oh. Well, don’t forget a new day has just begun.”
I smile because he’s referencing that for observant Jews like him, the beginning of the day is when the sun goes down. “Meaning, I can start my day over right now, is what you’re saying?”
“Lily, you can start your day over anytime you want. Here’s your sister.” I hear him loudly whisper “rough day” to Roselyn.
“Hi Lily. You just caught us before we were going to upset ourselves by watching the news. Thank you for rescuing us.”
“No problem.”
“I’ll just get to it. I know it’s getting late by you…” I sigh, “so you know how I told Josh he couldn’t have another chance?”
