I’m lost in my head and have nearly forgotten who I was calling before someone answers.
“Hello?” The voice sounds beleaguered, and I can hear high-pitched children’s voices in the background.
“Um. Hi. Is this Michelle?”
“This is she, speaking. How can I help?” Oof, she sounds so impatient. I fight the urge to hang up on her and block the number. I can feel my hands starting to itch, and I close my eyes tight, willing myself to spit it out.
“Hi, Michelle. It’s Lily. Lily Mendes?” Just like that, I’m that awkward teenager again since that’s who I was the last time I spoke with her.You’re a full-grown woman—use words.“Listen, I’m calling because I received a rather strange text from your brother, and I’m worried about him. I was wondering if you knew anything about what was going on?”
“What kind of strange text?”
“Well, it was something about getting drunk and turning off notifications.” I clear my throat, leaving out the doomed friends-with-benefits part. That’s not something I want to discuss with Michelle. “The thing is, I just have a bad feeling.”
She asks me to hang on, and I hear her asking her girls to give her a minute.
“You still there?”
“Yeah.”
“Lily, your feeling isn’t wrong. This is going to sound insane, and it’s total bullshit, but… he received an emergency suspension notice today. The state medical boards in Colorado, Nebraska, and Wyoming issued formal notifications. He is facing multiple complaints alleging he was intoxicated while working. One complaint states he offered a patient an illicit prescription.”
“What?!?”
“I know, obviously, all lies.” I can hear in her voice that she doesn’t know me well and wants to hear the confirmation that I’m team Josh. Fortunately, I don’t need to manufacture my feelings on that front.
“I can’t believe this is happening to him; he must be devastated.” I think about how much practicing medicine means to him, and I feel the pit of my abdomen bottom out.
“I got him in touch with my roommate from college earlier who’s now a medical malpractice attorney. Her specialization is defense for medical practices. His group should be providing legal help, but they suggested that he hire representation for himself, which means they are posturing to drop him if it gets too hot.” I can hear the bitterness in her voice on his behalf, “That job is everything to him. He won't admit it, but I know he's gutted by this.”
“Oh my God.”He must feel so betrayed.
“Yeah. What are you thinking you can do?”
“Not sure, but I’m an hour into driving up to Estes.”
Michelle stays quiet for a bit. She probably thinks I’m unhinged. “Lily, thank you for doing that. You have no idea how much I wish I could get up there myself right now.” Okay, that’snotwhat I thought she’d say.
“Okay, well, you have made me feel loads better about doing something a little impulsive. It’s not usually my vibe. You know?”
I may be imagining it, but I think I hear a smile in her voice. “Oh, I’m aware. And listen, let me know when you get down there—drive safely, okay? And Lily?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you again for going up there to check on him.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what friends are for, right?”
“Exactly.”
We say our goodbyes as I continue my drive. I realize I don’t even have a change of clothes with me, and I’m going to have to stop and get some basics.
The scenery whizzing by me is endless dry wheat-colored fields and steel-gray skies. I am feeling the weight of my anxiety for Josh as I try to focus on the task of driving down there in one piece. I selected some podcasts I’d been meaning to catch up on to distract myself. As I drive on, sipping tepid coffee, the sky continues to darken, giving the appearance that the world around me is shrinking. I’m trying to listen to the podcasts, but my mind keeps drifting.
I know Josh would never do something like what he’s been accused of. So my question is, who could hate him enough to do this to him? The truth is I can’t know the whole story, and in a way, it isn’t my business, so I try my best not to speculate and focus instead on what I can do to help.
Now that I know what is awaiting me in Estes, I try to come up with some idea of how I may be useful or what I can say. Would he want me to help him get to the bottom of this? Probably not. Maybe just someone to listen? That is likely the best I can offer. The thing is, I haven’t seen Josh challenged by anything serious since we reunited. I suppose the best thing is letting him know I’m his friend, no matter what. Beyond that, I can make myself available for any logistical help he might need.
By the time I get to the mountains, it’s dark, and I’m able to drive myself through the cut-out parts that I know are there. It does help that I can’t see them. Once I pass the parts that usually have me panicked, I say a brief prayer of thanks for my safe arrival. As I continue to journey through the dark, a waning moon gives some intermittent light, obscured in part by clouds. Driving on the main street, the town seems even tinier than usual, as it is only represented by a few scattered lights. Starting to fear Josh’s reaction to my intrusion, I go to a motel first to book a room. Once I retrieve a key and toothbrush from guest services, I bring them back to my car and head over to Josh’s.
