“Lily.” He looks a little pained, and I almost feel sorry for him.Almost.
“Yes, Josh.” My smile for him is sincere because this is fun. I mean, having nothing to lose is freeing, as it turns out.
I start to rise from the table when he doesn’t say more. I wonder if I should give him a minute. I mean, he is looking a bit panicked.
“While you figure out whatever you were going to say, I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Can you ask for milk for my tea? Oh, and here—” I hand him my note from this morning—“I wrote you back.
As he takes the note, I wink at him, and he pales, which only widens my grin.Who am I anymore?He handles the paper like it may harbor a contagion.
I go to the bathroom and pull off my hat to see if it worked to flatten my hair to a reasonable-appearing density. It was successful, and I looked decent, I decided. I reapply my lip gloss and head back to the table to find Dr. Joshua Cohen blushing a shade of red I did not know he was capable of.
“Everything okay?” I ask with as innocent an expression as I can muster.
“I don’t know what to say. Lily, have you ever? I mean... Oh, God.” He pulls off his hat and puts his head in one hand while gripping the table with the other. “First of all, I’m not going to check one of these boxes on your note,” he says through his fingers, while still hiding his face.
“Joshua!” I mock whisper-yell at him. “You’d think I’d asked you to donate a kidney to me, or do my taxes, or perform my annual—”
“Lily!” He whisper-snaps at me and looks so affronted I burst out laughing. Eventually, he manages to calm down enough to smile back at me—sort of and briefly.
“It was just an idea. You can say no without being an old lady about it.”
I pretend to pout and shrug while looking him in the eye, trying to project more bravery than I’m feeling now that it’s obvious I’ve unsettled him.
“Josh, allow me to explain myself at least. It’s been a while since I’ve been able to really…” I chew on my lower lip and feel my palms getting itchy. I don’t want to scare him off, but I also don’t want to lie to him.
“Let me put it this way. You know I don’t tolerate most people touching me. But with you, it’s different. When I wrote you, the first night I was here, I think that I was getting physical attraction mixed up with something more…complicated. The thing I want you to consider is I have no way of knowing if anyone else I meet will be as physically compatible with me as you seem to be.”
He says nothing, so I consider my next words carefully. “When our hands touched yesterday,” I am fully blushing now, “I liked it. I more than liked it. I usually have to gear myself up to touch someone in a non-clinical way. But with you? It’s like my body knows it’s okay. Better than okay,” I bite my lower lip and watch as Josh glances at my mouth. And if that doesn’t rev my engines…phew. “And I want more. What if this is a rare opportunity for me to experience something that I’m otherwise missing out on?”
With that, the food is served, and we leave off talking for a while. For his part, Josh is fully absorbed in his breakfast and avoids making eye contact. For now, he seems incapable of answering any of my questions.Maybe I broke him.I set about to eat my breakfast and let him consider everything I’ve said.
The Blizzard (Stay)
Josh, Estes Park, February 2025
Seated across from Lily in the diner, I start eating my omelet without tasting it at all. I have no idea what to say because I’m torn between attraction and common sense. Right now, my only recourse seems to be to continue to put eggs in my mouth. So I just keep shoveling them in. I glance across the table, wondering how I got myself into this situation. She doesn’t seem intoxicated, not to mention it is only eight in the morning—but her behavior is so out of character.Could she be having some kind of manic episode?
Pretty soon, I’m going to run out of food and will have to say something. Two bites are left on my plate, and I’ve no idea what the hell my answer might be. The truth is, Lily has completely taken me by surprise. Not to mention how differently she is dressed this morning. Her hair is up in some kind of braid thing, and she’s wearing this sweater that keeps falling off her shoulder with a very fitted tank top underneath—her ample cleavage on full display. She is leaving little to my imagination, and it’s winding me up.
The crazy thing is—this was what I originally thought I wanted. Bed her and be done, no strings with an option of potential revenge should she become attached. Now everything is complicated by the fact that she is my friend. I care about what happens to her. And there is no way whatever is between us can be uncomplicated, given our history. Not only that, but I have concerns about her lack of experience. She said she hooked up with some guys as a teen, but what does that even mean? How much could she have really gotten up to? Because of her history, I’m not even sure if she knows what she’s insinuating. I mean, what is she even asking me to do for her? And how do I figure it out without insulting her? I look down at my plate, and my heart sinks. I find I have no food left to procrastinate on.
“Hey listen, Lily.”
“Yes, Josh.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“How do you mean?”
I grasp the back of my neck, trying to ground myself.Is she wearing lip gloss? Stop looking at her lips.
“I don’t even know how to start this conversation without possibly insulting or embarrassing you.”
“Josh, with everything we’ve already shared, now is not the time to be shy. Just be straightforward—I’d expect nothing less from you.” She says the words, but some uncertainty flashes in her eyes, I’m sure of it.She’s out of her depth and I need to be careful with her.
“Okay. Do you even understand what you’re asking me?”
At this, she seems momentarily unnerved and blushes. “Wow. If you’re asking if I’ve been with other men…yes, I have. Well, sort of. We had this conversation, remember?” Her bravado falters as her underlying timidity does not disappear, before her expression turns fierce. She drops her voice low as she leans toward me across the table. It takes the willpower of a thousand elephants to keep my eyes up to her face.
