Oh God. I just used a finger gun.
I’m drunk.
I excuse myself to use the restroom.
Once in there, I touch up my makeup, relieve myself, wash my hands, and then return the texts that Kat and Lexie have been firing at me for the last hour.
Me: I’m a little drunk. I think. It’s weird, but going okay. The visit not my drunkenness.
Kat: Of course it’s going okay - you’re tres fabulous!
Me: Tres?
Kat: I’m thinking of learning French. That means very.
Lexie: Oh, I’m so happy it’s going well!
Kat: It’s going great, I’ve already learned the word tres.
Lexie: I meant Remi’s family time.
Me: It’s not my family time. It’s just meeting a family. For dinner.
Lexie: Family dinner.
Kat: Have you already had dinner?
Me: No, I think that’s coming soon though. I hope. I need to eat.
Me: Fuck me. They are all such beautiful people. Like literally. The whole family.
Lexie: Just like you!
Me: Ha! Thanks Lex!
Kat: Did you tell him your safe word?
Me: I tried, but he doesn’t think I need it.
Lexie: Oh, you need it.
Me: LEXIE!!
Lexie: No offense. You just aren’t that good in situations like this. People have to get to know you to realize how amazing you are. And you are amazing. Tres amazing!!!
Me: FML. I used a finger gun and I winked.
Radio silence.
Kat: Well, I’m sure you got this, baby girl. Don’t sweat it. You be you.
Lexie: Yeah, what she said. ‘Cause your you is amaze-balls.
I nod my head at the reflection in the bathroom mirror.
I be me.
‘Cause my me is amaze-balls.
