“What? Kept me from blowing everything to hell that night? To answer your question, yes, that’s exactly what pushed me over the edge. Zoey wasn’t—I…” I shake my head, having no idea how to finish that sentence. “It shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have fucked Tasha either. But I did,and I can’t take any of it back. But tell me why I would’ve come to you. You have done nothing but lie to me my entire life.”
“I didn’t rape your mother, Maddox,” Paul tells me, looking absolutely sincere. “It’s not an excuse, but I was trashed that night. I don’t remember anything at all, and Trey knew that.” He turns an accusing finger toward my father. “I came to your house wasted when Caterina threw me out. I don’t even know how I made it to the door. I went to the guest room and passed out. I woke up, still fucking drunk with your very underage sister riding my dick. I wouldneverhave gone after her. She was like a damn sister to me too, and you knew it. But I let you blame me because I knew it was easier than blaming her. She was the child, and drunk or not, I should’ve known better somehow. Then I played your family’s game and stayed away from my son because you threatened to ruin my life if I didn’t. And just so you know, I didn’t do that for me. You know who I am, Trey. It would’ve been so much easier just to handleyou. I did it foryour familyand for Maddox. So I want to know why the fuck you would say that shit?”
He shows no signs of lying. I don’t know if it’s the truth, but he damn sure fucking believes every word he just said. Which is so much different than the scenario that has played in my head for the last fifteen years. My skin begins to itch and tingle, and the noises begin to roar.
“I said it because she was a fucking kid. You were the adult and my best friend. You should’ve known better,” my dad yells out.
“What?” I say but it comes out tight and garbled, but they don’t acknowledge me.
“I didn’t know what zip code I was in. It may be a shit excuse, but I was too drunk to give a shit who was riding me. Too pissed at Caterina to care. I didn’t know it was Jewel. Hell, I didn’t even know she was in the house. Do younotremember the next morning? I didn’t even remember coming to your house. I realized after the fact that Jewel was infatuated with me, but it falls on you too. All of you. Jewel had problems. You blamed it on rebellion and drugs, but she had so many more problems than that, and none of you would acknowledge them.”
“How the fuck would you know? She was my sister, not yours.”
“Because Caterina and I were the ones who helped her when you wouldn’t. Even after what she did, she came here, and we tried to help her. Did you know she heard voices, Trey? Just like your father? You know as well as I do that he didn’t fall off the roof. He jumped. But all your family was concerned with was making sure it didn’t cause a scandal.”
I collapse back onto the piano bench as I take everything in. It’s too much. Too much information too fast. It seems it’s the only way I ever find out anything. “Paw Paw Br—,” I shake my head because I don’t remember much,but I remember how much I loved my grandfather. I was five when he died, and after the day I nearly drowned, the memories of him became fuzzy. But I remember he was my best friend. My favorite person in the world. I even remember when he fell off the roof. “He killed himself?”
My dad’s head snaps to me, his face as white as a sheet before he turns back to Paul. Sebastian looks at me curiously, like he doesn’t understand. Paul shoots daggers at my dad, who gives him a subtle shake of his head.
“What? What was that?” I point at him. “What else are you fucking hiding?”
“Nothing, Maddox. We’re not hiding anything.”
“Did he fall,or did he kill himself?” I ask, finally tired of the avoidance. “Because I was there. I remember being on the roof with him. We were playing a game.”
“What the hell?” Bastian jerks back with surprise.
My dad lowers his head sadly. “You weren’t trying to play a game, Maddox. He wanted you to jump with him.I pulled up to get you, and you were on the roof crying. He was floating face down in the pool. You told me he wanted you to fly with him.”
Quinn gasps as Bastian and Paul curse. I just sit there in silence. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. What I do know is that it is getting hard to breathe, and I fucking hate that I can’t process emotions and information like a goddamn normal person.
My grandfatherandmother heard shit that wasn’t there? What the hell does that mean for me?
My hands begin to flex against my legs as I fight the urge to claw at this itch I know isn’t really there. My head starts throbbing with noise that no one else can hear.
And the desire to get high is stronger than ever.
“I’m outta here,” I announce as I practically jump to my feet.
I don’t wait for them to stop me. I ignore the calls for me to wait. I’m out the door before theycan decidewho should come after me. I hope no one does.
Once I’m outside, I walk to the end of the driveway and bend over at the waist as my heart pounds in my chest.
Why? Why is every part of my life lies?
My pawpaw wanted me to jump with him? I don’t remember that. Why don’t I remember? Is it because of when I was hurt as a kid? Or is it because I blocked it out?
“Maddox?” a familiar, feminine voice calls to me.
I turn to find fire engine red hair coming my way. I want to tell her to go away, but the words won’t come.
“What are you doing here?” she asks as she looks over my shoulder toward Delrie’s house. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head as I try to get the voices to quiet and my heart to slow. “Do you want to come over?” she jerks her head over her shoulder to the house next door.
“When did you move here?” I finally rasp out.
“A couple of years ago. Layla rents it to me. Why don’t you come inside?” Her blue eyes shining with worry.
