“I was asking about the journal bit, but now I really want to know where your head went.”
“I—uh—I did something, Ry. Probably the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.”
“Well, in a long list of stupid things we’ve done, what could have made it to the top?”
I consider what to tell him. How much to tell him. “I hurt someone I care about.”
Silence greets me until he realizes I’m not going to just continue on my own. “That’s all you’re going to give me? Who’d you hurt? And how? Maddox, you don’t go around hurting people. That’s my thing.”
“I had to, Ry. She doesn’t understand.”
“Are you talking about Zoey?” he asks, suspicion lining his voice.
“No. Not Zoey. It’s—um—you know what? It doesn’t matter. I did what I had to do.”
“Fuck that, Maddox. You’re telling me you’ve met a girl you care something about, and you’ve chased her off? Why would you do that? You haven’t given two shits about a girl and her feelings in over a decade. Why would you do that?”
“You’ve asked the same question twice in a single breath,” I mock, trying to deflect the tension.
“And I’ll ask it again if I need to.”
“Just trust me, Ry. It’s for the best.”
“Maddox, were you falling for this girl? Because you sure as fuck don’t sound like you’re talking about a random piece of ass.”
A low growl slips from me at his comment. He doesn’t mean anything by it. It’s just his way, but the remark rubs wrong, regardless.
“Holy shit. Youarefalling for her. Maddox, so help me, if you fuck this up, I will personally kick your ass like you’ve never had done.”
“Just drop it, Ry. It doesn’t matter now. I did what I needed to.”
“Goddammit, Maddox,” he grunts, and I can already see him gripping his hair in frustration. “Why—”
“I’m glad you called, Ry,” I cut him off because I can’t tell him. Not this. He would probably hate me as much as she does right now. So I change the subject. “I need to tell you that I’m not mad at you. For calling Bastian? I was never mad at you. I know why you did it, and I’m sorry for the worry I’ve caused. I don’t want you to worry about me, Ryder.”
“I’m always going to worry about you. You’re my best friend.”
“Promise me, Ry. Promise me that you’ll stop. That you’ll focus on Heaven and Tyler and music and the guys. I don’t want you to worry about me anymore. Or blame yourself. Or make yourself crazy. I need you to promise me.”
“I can’t do that, Maddox. You know I can’t. Why would you even ask that?”
“I need you to try, Ryder. I need you to focus on your family and yourself, okay? Always remember that I love you, but it’s time you put them first.”
“What the fuck? Why does it sound like you’re trying to tell me goodbye or something?”
“I’ve got to go, Ry.”
“Maddox, don’t hang up on me. Not until you tell me what’s going on with you.”
“I’m tired, Ryder. That’s all. Just tired. I’ve got to go.”
“Maddox, don’t you—”
I end the call and turn my phone off. I know he’ll be calling back. He’s not going to give up that easily. I give him an hour or two before he starts calling Bastian, but I’m not worried.
Like I said, selfishly, I needed to hear his voice. I needed to let him know that I was not angry and loved him.
Because he was right.
