Prologue —Purge my love
Present day
The wind whips around us as we stand out on the balcony lifting her golden curls like a whirlwind. It’s fitting, considering I feel like that’s what we’ve been. Barely knew each other three months, but it only took a second for her to get under my skin. That’s been the hardest thing to accept and understand.
I drag a shaking hand down my face. My stomach turns, threatening to spill its contents. My heart races uncontrollably, and sweat begins to coat my body. “You’re what?” I ask, hoping against hope that I heard her wrong. Or maybe it’sa terrible joke.
“I’m pregnant, Maddox,” she tells me nervously, but there’s no denying she’s happy about the fact.
I shake my head, denial on my tongue. “Not possible,” I hiss. “You said it wasn’t possible.”
“I said it was nearly impossible. There was always a chance.”
I shake my head again. Everything around me begins to spin. My knees start to shake.
I can’t be a father. How could anyone expect me to be a dad? I’m barely holding it together.
A child shouldn’t be dealt this kind of hand. He’s doomed to inherit every fucked up thing about me. No one should be subjected to this misery.
And she shouldn’t be cursed to watch a child suffer. Tortured, knowing there’s nothing she can do to stop it. Nothing she can do to help.
“Maddox, you’ll be a great dad,” she tells me as she wraps herself around me.
She’s happy now. She thinks her dreams are coming true. But what happens when she realizes she’s signed up for hell?
She will hate me for this. Hate me for cursing her child with my genes. Hate me for infecting her life.
Absolute terror and rage flow through me. This? This can’t happen. I won’t allow it. I won’t let her go through anymore. Damn sure, not because of me or my evil seed.
“Get rid of it,” I growl through clenched teeth.
I feel every muscle in her body go rigid. She begins to shake her head, refusing to accept my words.
I untangle her arms from me, pushing her away.I squat until we’re at eye level with my hands cupping her face. “Get. Rid. Of. It.”
Her eyes fill with tears. My heart breaks knowing I put them there with my words, but better a little break now than to see her life ruined. “I mean it. Get rid of it. It will be easier than when you lose it. Or worse, when you don’t, and you have to raise the spawn I’ve created.” I grab my hair by the roots, tugging. Everything around me starts to spin.
“Maddox, I’ve never wanted anything more than this. Yes, there is a good chance I’ll miscarry, but I want to take that risk.” Shedropsher hands to her flat stomach. “This baby is a piece of you and me. You’ll be a wonderful dad. You’ll see.”
“I won’t see. I don’t want anything to do with that—that thing.”
“You don’t mean that,” she croaks as the tears spill from her long lashes. “You don’t mean it.”
“I’ve never meant anything more in my life.”
The look in her eyes nearly levels me. And I hate what I know I have to do. Because she’s not going to let go otherwise.
“What did you think? You would come out here and tell me this, and we’d ride off into the sunset? That you’d make this huge announcement, and we’d become a happy little family? You’ve been kidding yourself. I told you that this was not going to last.” My heart splinters and shatters with every lie I tell. “Did you think I was only going to fuck you for the rest of my life? I was never going to fuck only you. I’ve been fucking whoever I want since I started fucking you.”
I hate myself. I hate every lie I tell her. I hate the way her shoulders hunch forward, and she wraps her arms around herself like she’s holding herself together.
“You’re lying,” she whispers. “You wouldn’t do that to me. Not after everything.”
“I’m not. Ask your friends. They can tell you.”
“Why are you doing this? I thought you loved me. I don’t understand.”
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes and digging deep to find my resolve. When I open them, I push down everything but the need to make sure she does what I told her. To make sure she hates me. “I was never going to love you. You were just easy and convenient. I can’t love you when I will always love Zoey.”
