“Exhausted,” he admits with a sigh.
We get into the other room, throw our clothes on without waking the girl sleeping soundly on the bed and make our way downstairs. I walk straight to the minibar, pouring myself three fingers of Johnny, chugging it back quickly, then doing it again.
“Why didn’t you tell Heaven about Rayna, Ryder? About your mom?” Maddox asks me, as he digs into his pocket. He retrieves what he wants, pouring the contents on the bar, dividing up into four lines. He does his first, then passes me the straw.
I shake my head, getting me a cocked brow in question. I shake the whisky at him. “I’m set with this.”
“You gonna answer me, at least? Why didn’t you tell her?”
“Because, Maddox, I didn’t want to think about that. With her I didn’t. I didn’t want to talk about myfucked-upchildhood. The poor little rich boy’s mommy didn’t love him. I didn’t want to poison her with that. I didn’t want her to feel sorry for me.”
“You should have told her, Ryder. If she had known, she might have realized—”
“Realized what, Maddox? That I wanted our baby? That even if I hadn’t, I would never have wanted that? Shouldn’t she have known?” She should’ve known. Iknowsomewhere inside of her she did know. I don’t understand why it was so easy for her to believe it.
Our relationship, it was unique. She understood me. When I was with her, I felt at peace. Not calm. I am never calm. But with her the energy that flowed through me made me feel alive. My spirit was wild, free, and full. I never told her, but I was so in love with that girl, I couldn’t see anything else.
“I’m not taking her side, Ry. She shouldn’t have done what she did. I’m just saying, maybe if she’d known, she’d have been more likely to believe her heart over her head. Over the seemingly irrefutable proof in her hands.”
I shake my head. I don’t say anything because the anger is growing. She should’ve believed her heart anyway. Regardless, though, she has had a long time to find me. To tell me the truth, but she chose not to.
She chose, every day for years, to keep me in the dark. To let the divide between us grow. To let more time, I could’ve had with my son, slip away.
No. There are no excuses. Nothing will gain her forgiveness. Redemption isn’t in the cards for her.
But vengeance is.
Ryder
Heroin
I grew up in a world of wealth and privilege. My grandfather’s empire ensured a life of luxury was always afforded to me. There was no material thing out of my reach.
I also learned money doesn’t make you happy. It doesn’t make you a good person. It won’t buy you peace and contentment. And it sure as hell does not make someone a fit parent.
But it does have its uses. Especially when you call your attorney at two in the morning with demands that would get most people laughed at then ceremoniously hung up on. It’s useful when you want results yesterday, not next week.
Money and a reputation can take you a long damn way.
I’m more than aware of that fact as I climb out of Maddox’s SUV onto Heaven’s driveway. It’s just going on three, but I have every intention of standing here until she arrives.
I take a moment to look at the place. It’s an older house in need of some repair. The exterior paint is peeling, a window has a piece of wood over it, and the roof has a blue tarp stretched across it.
The lawn is clean and trimmed but could use some work. The flower beds could use a bit of weeding. The hedges need a trim.
I walk around, exploring some more. I spot a blue bicycle set under the carport, along with a scooter, a skateboard, and various other smaller outdoor toys. My chest squeezes, knowing those belong to Tyler.
Tyler Christopher.
Named after my father and grandfather just like I always wanted.
It’s so damn bittersweet.
I keep walking to the fence that runs behind the house. I push the small gate, finding it open, and step through. A sandbox shaped like a turtle sits in the far corner. A small, slightly rusted swing set sits in the middle of the small space looking well used. It is the model of the working-class family just trying to survive.
He didn’t have tojustsurvive. Neither of them did. Her roof didn’t have to be covered in boards and tarp. She didn’t have to do god knows what with men to make ends meet. Because I know that’s what she was doing.
I’m certain last night was her first time at that kind of party, but I wonder what else she’s done to take care of my son. The thought of anyone touching her like that makes me want to rip everything apart.
