Fear ripples through me as I think of my answer. Fear of what comes next, making dread pool low in my belly.
He’s inches from me. His chest heaving. “Did you ever hear me say those words?”
I remain silent, knowing my answer is about to change everything, and I’m not sure I can handle the grief of it all.
“Answer me!” he yells, making me jump.
“No. But your mom told me what you said. She handed me the check with your signature.”
“You knew,” he growls, but it’s a thinly veiled disguise to hide the fact that he’s falling apart in front of me. My heart hurts seeing him so vulnerable. I know that no one else in this room, save Maddox and Dane, sees it, but it’s there. “You knew I didn’t have anything to do with my mother. Why didn’t you question that? Was it really that easy to believe I would say any of that? Or did you see the dollar signs?”
“I did question it. But she couldn’t have known unless you told her. She was in your apartment.” I look to Dane and Maddox for backup. All I get are looks of disappointment, making my stomach flip. “It was your signature,” my voice breaks.
“You left. You took my money to kill my baby,” he yells as tears fall down his face. Tears that have me dropping to my knees. “It might be your body, but that was my baby inside you. Mine.” He beat his hand against his chest. “You and my mother usedmymoney to killmychild. You didn’t bother finding me. Asking me. You just decided.”
His chest rises and falls rapidly. Veins and tendons bulge in his neck and face. “Two babies my mother has killed because she’s a manipulative psychopath. Two babies and four lives she has ripped away from me.”
“Two?” I whisper.
“Do you know why I never talked about Rayna? Because I was too late. I couldn’t save her from my mother, who literally held her down while her back pocket butcher ripped her baby out of her.”
I throw my hand over my mouth to cover a sob at the thought of that poor girl. At the thought of that being me. Of someone ripping Tyler away from me. But he would never talk about his family. Not about anything.
“I stood at that door beating on it, trying to get to her while she screamed in pain, begging for me to save her. Now you tell me, after something like that, do you think I would’ve told you to get rid of our baby?”
“I didn’t know, Ryder. You never told me,” I sob.
Maddox’s head snaps to Ryder. His eyes narrow. “You never told her?”
He shakes his head. “It didn’t affect us. She never needed to know about myfucked-up mother and all the hell she put me and Rayna through.”
“Sounds like that’s exactly what she needed to know,” Maddox grunts. He turns his attention to me. His eyes are minutely softer than they were a minute ago, but I know what’s coming. I know what he’s about to say. When the words leave his mouth, my head falls in defeat. “Tell him, cupcake.” He tells me, causing another sob to escape me.
I need to tell him, but I know once the words leave my mouth, Ryder will be angrier. He’s going to hurt more. He’s going to be uncontrollable. Not that I can blame him.
“Tell him or I will.” It’s not a threat. It’s a chance. A chance to try to fix things. Even though I know they will never be fixed.
“Tell me what?” Ryder demands looking between the two of us.
I open my eyes, looking into the eyes of a broken man. A man that wears many masks to hide himself from the world. A man that has let those masks fall at his feet even though we’re surrounded by many.
And it’s my fault. There is no one to blame but myself. It’s my fault that I have cried myself to sleep until there were no more tears left. It’s my fault that he’s dark and damaged. It’s my fault that Tyler has lived his entire life without his father.
I knew deep down I knew. But I was scared and stupid and sonaïve.
The air around me feels too thin. Each breath feels like a struggle. My skin begins to prickle, and I start to sweat. My chest squeezes as my stomach flips over and over. The room has started to spin, and my vision has gotten blurry.
“Breathe, pixie.” His warm hands cup my face as his thumbs brush away the tears. But it doesn’t help. It makes it worse becauseittells me after everything he still cares. After I tell him, he will hate me forever.
I look up to see his face. It’s harder than it was those years ago. Back then it was cut from stone. Now, it’s cut from the strongest diamonds. The demons that teetered on the edges swirl deep in those hazel depths. This man is not the one who tried to contain it all for me. This is a man that is unforgiving. This man, I helped create.
When I gather my composure, I stand up, and back away from him. Hurt, masked by anger, flashes in his eyes. “I didn’t step away because you were touching me, Ryder. I stepped away because after I tell you this, you’re not going to want to comfort me.”
“I don’twantto now. I need to.”
I shake my head. “You won’t. Not when I say it.”
His eyes grow harder by the second, preparing for another blow. I’m just not sure if he can withstand it. “Tell me.”
