I still want to fuck her. I want my name on her lips like a prayer as she comes in my mouth and on my cock. I want to watch my cock sliding in and out of her mouth, ass, and pussy. I want my hand wrapped around her slim neck as her eyes glaze over with pleasure like she’s never experienced. I want to redden her ass until she begs me to fuck her.
Maybe Maddox is right. Maybe I do need sex addict therapy.
I brush the thought aside quickly. I like sex. Nothing wrong with that. Not like I can’t go without it. I do it all the time.
But now is the time for apologies I suppose. Or at the very least, I need to tell her she shouldn’t be embarrassed or even feel guilty.
I reach for her, gripping her chin, so she will look at me. With my grip, she can’t look away, but she still averts her eyes. That won’t do. I want them on me.
“Look at me, pixie.” I try to make my tone soothing, but it is not something I’m good at. I’m not surprised when it comes out harsher than I intend.
She presses her lips into a thin line. Defiance turns her features hard. She doesn’t want to do what I say. I’m not having it.
I grip her chin a bit harder with a slight jerk. “Look at me now.” This time I don’t keep the warning from my voice. She seems to respond better to that anyway. She proves it by snapping her eyes to mine. I watch her pupils dilate. She likes being commanded. Good to know. For me anyway. “I want to tell you I’m sorry if I pushed you too hard last night.”
“Ryder, I don’t —"
“No. Don’t talk, just listen. I want to tell you I’m sorry, but I won’t because I’m not. And you don’t have a damn thing to be embarrassed or feel guilty about. You feel me?” She bites her lip and tries to look away. I snapather head again. “Do you feel me, Heaven? You didn’t do anything wrong. I sure as hell didn’t. You wanted to watch us, and I wanted to watch you. It’s that simple. Don’t beat yourself up.”
We continue to hold each other’s gaze for several seconds. Her eyes dart back and forth between mine, looking for something. I have no idea what it could be, but she must find it because she finally exhales with a nod.
“Last night won’t leave this place. If you don’t want it to happen again, it won’t. But don’t fool yourself into thinking you don’t want it to. I sure as fuck want it. I want to do more than watch you come. I want to make you come.”
“Ryder, that’s not a good idea.” I watch her throat bob with a long swallow, and my mind instantly hits the gutter once again.
I release her chin with a sigh. I lean back away from her, giving her space. “I don’t know why you think that, but if that’s what you want, then okay.”
She nods slowly. She’s lying to herself. I’ve seen her body’s response just to a simple brush of my fingers. I’ve noticed the lust in her eyes when she looks at Maddox and me.
I mean what I say. If she doesn’t want it to, it won’t happen again, but that won’t stop me from trying to convince her. She just needs to know she’s not some faceless, nameless person in a long list of sex partners.
If it means we have to be friends, I can do that. Hell, I’ve done it with Maddox since I was twelve. I know how to keep things uncomplicated. I just need to prove it to her. And I’m already working on ways to do just that while getting her so hot she can’t resist.
This is going to be fun.
Heaven
Devil
In the weeks following the beach, I thought things would be awkward. If they had left me to my own devices, it would’ve been. I even tried to ignore them, refusing to answer their calls or texts for days.
I was humiliated and ashamed for my behavior that night. I woke up to groans and grunts that I knew I shouldn’t seek out. It was like some kind of magnet dragging me out of my bed and I didn’t stop until I reached the room the noises were coming from. I listened for several minutes to their talking and moaning. It didn’t sound like sweet love making. It sounded like they were at war.
My damn curiosity got the better of me, and I found myself turning the doorknob. When the door opened with a squeak, I wanted to run, but my feet kept moving forward.
I was enthralled with what I saw. Ryder’s hands tied to the headboard above his head. Maddox’s hands wrapped tightly around Ryder’s throat and penis. Maddox sliding in and out of him
I am a total virgin. Until that night, I’d never even touched myself. I’d never watched porn. All the books I read were clean romance and fantasy.
I didn’t think of myself as a prude. I just never understood the big deal.
But what I saw then, I was mesmerized and turned on like I didn’t believe possible.
When Ryder’s eyes first landed on mine, he looked worried. When I closed the door, he smirked. His voice commanded me from across the room. Despite looking to be anything but, he was in total control. Of me anyway.
The fire that burned in my belly watching them still ignites when I draw up the memories. And the pleasure from touching myself at his commands has sent my hands south regularly since that night.
But the shame that I stood there, watching them and getting myself off for them, consumed me the moment the euphoria wore off. Even after Ryder’s talk later, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d done something wrong. I also knew that thetrouble I thought they would be was laughable. There wasn’t a strong enough word for what they were. I had to avoid them at all costs.
