I try to spend as much time near him as I can. But a couple of days a week, I stay in the city for therapy and other things.
But I come back as soon as I can.
I spend my nights here in the house we’ve all bought. Going along with Maddox’s idea wasn’t a hard decision. We’re brothers. Share and share alike. Even if there have been lines drawn onexactlywhatwe’re willing to share.
I plan on having a house built on the property somewhere soon for the four of us. It gives Heaven time to talk things over with Matt. Dane has similar plans which was a shock considering Cami left small town life for New York years ago. Maybe the fast life just doesn’t holdthe sameappeal for her anymore.
Jake and Angel aren’t sure yet. I think Angel would be all for it if he could get Josephine on board. But that girl is born and bred for city life. Jake feels guilty enough when we’re on tour about leaving his mother and the family business, but I think one day, he’ll let all that go.
“All that practice really shows,” Angel tells him with a smile. “You’ll be outplaying your dad and me in no time. Might have to take you on tour for backup.”
Tyler beams, loving the praise. And Angel isn’t wrong. The kid really is good. “Play with us, Dad,” he tells me as his grin grows wide.
I shake my head but grab the guitar layingnext to me. We play a couple of songs as Angel and I take turns singing. A few minutes later, Jake is with us pulling out his bass as Dane creates some makeshift drumsticks and starts tapping.
Peace.
It’s what I’ve wanted for so long, and even though my heart is heavy that the heart of our group isn’t here right now, I still have it. Peace and calm and— happiness.
“Time to eat boys,” Cara says as they begin to bring out the food.
We set the instruments to the side and help them set the huge outdoor table for our meal. When we begin to set the food from the grill on the table, Cami goes pale. With a hand over her mouth, she runs back inside. Dane grins like a jackass before it turns into laughter.
“You’ve got to be the only asshole on the planet to grin when their girl has morning sickness,” Jake tells him.
“Man, if you had to see that look on her face every month for the last year when the tests said negative,you’d be grinning too. I’m just happy.”
“You should be, big brother,” Cara kisses his cheek. “You were born to be a dad.”
A bit later, we are sitting around the table. One chair is left intentionally vacant. He may not be here, but he’s still a part of us. Over a thousand miles away, and his presence is still felt in all of us.
We laugh and talk for hours, the meal long finished and the sun setting over the horizon. The kids laugh as they chase each other while the babies are nestled in their mother’s laps.
A yearning takes over as I watch Aaron in Cara’s arms and Aubrey in Josephine’s. A yearning that I’ve had foran exceptionally longtime, but never told anyone about.
I missed watching Heaven grow with our baby. I missed the doctor appointments and ultrasounds. When she delivered him, I wasn’t there to hold her hand or wipe the sweat from her face. Never got to hear his first cries or words or see his first steps.
I’ve longed for that for years, and more so in the last few months. Seeing Cara and Josephine pregnant made me want things I didn’t think I would get. Being back with Heaven has made that yearning grow more and more.
When everyone else has gone inside, and it’s just the two of us, I pull her onto my lap with a contented sigh. I don’t think that sound has ever left my mouth, but I like it.
“I want you forever, Heaven. This. You and me and Tyler.Matt too.Will you give me forever?”
“Are you asking me to marry you?” She teases a little.
“If that’s what it takes, pixie. I’ll give you the stars if you promise me.”
“I don’t need the stars. I just need you. You’ve always had my forever and everything that comes after that.”
“What if I told you I want another baby with you?”
She looks at me with eyes full of surprise. “Really? You want that?”
I brush a few stray pieces of hair from her face with a smile. “I want it. I want it all, pixie. Will you give me another baby? Maybe this time a little girl to look just like her mom?”
Her eyes fill with tears, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Rayna Caroline,” she whispers softly.
“I was thinking more likeCeleste. Another word for Heaven.” A tear falls from her long lashes. “What do you say, pixie?”
She wraps her arms around me, pressing her sweet lips to mine. “I say, when do we get started?”
