When I walked in and saw that bastard on top of her, heard her screams, I lost my mind.No one was going to stop me from killing him. I don’t regretit. I regret not making him suffer. I regret that I can’t bring him back and do it again. But I absolutely do not regret putting an end to him.
He tried to take everythingthat matters from me because Lyra and Cara are all that fucking matter to me.I’ve lived without money.I’ve even lived without the music. I don’t ever want to live without them.My girls.
I sit in the SUV, Cara in my lap, my arms tightly around her, and think.She’s been through so damn much. She really is so broken and damagedthat most of the time,she can’t express her own feelings. She shuts everything and everyone offemotionally, so she doesn’t have to feel.Because feeling is too much.
I’ve tried hard to be what she needs. I’ve tried to let her see how much I love her with actions and words. To show her that I’m not giving up on her. That she’s not too broken for me. For me, she’s perfect. For me, she’s everything.
She finally started to let me in. A little more every day, she would open up herspirit and soul to me. Every day I cherished everything she offered. I’ve been honored that she’s chosen to give me this giftand swore I would never take it for granted.
Now all of this has happened. Because of Lyra’s mother,no less.
There’s no way she can be the same after this, but I’m faced with the unknown. Will she regress to the way she was? Keeping me at arm’s length? Will she leave? I can’t fucking live without her. I won’t let her go without a fight, but chasing her to the ends of the earth won’t be easy with a toddler.
I’ll do it,though. I will follow her to hell if I have to. But what if I chase her, and she never lets me back in?
I carry her through the hotel’s back entrance, Maddox and Henry following behind. Liam is in the suite sitting on the sofa when we walk in. He takes in Cara in my arms, his brows falling between his eyes.
“She okay?” he asks, but I don’t say anything.
I continue walking until we’re in the bathroom.I set her on the counter, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She lookstoward me, but she’s not looking at me. She’s looking through me, and my heart cracks just a little more.
I pull her clothes off. Slowly, I remove the dirty, torn garments, gauging her reaction as I do.
She has no reaction. She doesn’t react when I remove her shirtor jeans. She doesn’t blink as I remove her underwear.
Part of me is starting to panic at her catatonic state. I’m afraid she’s had a breakdown. I’m afraid she’s shutting down completely.
I turn on the shower, adjusting the temperature.Lifting her from the counter, I step into the showerand sit on the bench inside. I don’t try to get her to stand. I’m not sure she could if I did. I just hold her in my lap, washing away the dirt and grimefrom her body.
I see bruises on her cheek. Fingerprints circle her arms. A largeblack mark is forming on her shoulder.
I see more fingerprints on her hips and thighs. Closing my eyes, I pray I got to her in time. I pray they didn’ttakethatfrom her. She won’t make it back to me if they did. I know she won’t.
I hold her under the hot spray with my face buried in her hair.Tears I won’t let her see slide down my face. All of this is my fault. She has come face to face with the person who’s haunted her nightmares for a long time because of me.Because of my daughter and her mother.
She stayed with the bastard. She stayed with him so Peyton could get away with Lyra. She stayed because she knewNovak was more concerned with her than with a toddler.
She sacrificed herself formydaughter.Because she loves her. Because she loves me.
A shudder wracks her body, and I realize she’s probably cold. I shut off the water, carry her to the bathroom to dry her, and dressed her in one of my shirts and a pair of panties.I take her into the bedroom, laying her in the bed.
I want nothing more than to crawl in beside her. To hold her close to me. Breathe her in.But I need Lyra too.
When I begin to walk away, her arm shoots out, grabbing mine. Her wide brown eyes look at me with panic in their depths. It’s the firstreaction I’ve gotten out of her since the car ride here.“Don’t leave me,” her voice cracks.
I walk back to her quickly, placing a kiss onher forehead while cupping her cheek. “I’ll be right back. I’m just gettingourgirl,” I tell her, hoping she realizes that I just called Lyra hers too.
Because, goddammit,Lyra is Cara’s. Cara has shownmore motherly love to a little girl that she doesn’t owe anything to than the woman who grew her inside her body for nine months ever has.
Her eyes fill with tears. I don’t know if it’s because of what I said or because she is already starting to panic at the thought of me leaving. It makes it that much harder for me to walk away from her, even just for a second.When she nods, I go as fast as I can.
Maddox and the rest are still in the suite as I walk through.“We need to figure out how to cover that shit up,” Liam says, I’m certain, referring to the bodies back at the abandoned house.
“Already handled,” Maddox informs him without explanation.
“One of these days, you’re going to sit down and tell me about who you really are over a beer,” Liam chuckles.
“Take more than just one.”
