By the time I’m through the audience, I can’t see her anymore.I stand there for a second to catch my breath. I’m ready to take off running back toward the busesbecause I hope like hell she wouldn’t be foolish enough to go off with this guy to his place when a hand on my shoulder holds me in place.
“Don’t rush in there like a jealous boyfriend, man,” Ryder tells me. “It will only piss her off.”
“I don’t care if it pisses her off. She’s about to make a fucking mistake.” I shrug his hand off a little harder than necessary.
“You’ve got to let her do whatever it is she wants or needs to do, or you’ll only push her away.”
‘Ffuuucckkk,” I yell out in the open space.
“Need to hit something?” Maddox voice chimes.
I turn to find him with twobrunettes tucked under each of his arms. “I don’t think hitting something would be enough,” I growl at him.
He steps away from the girls until he’s directly in front of me. “Then hit me, man. Hit me if you think it will make you feel better. But I can already tell you, it won’t.”
“No, but hitting that douche she just went off with might,” I sneer.
He chuckles. “It might for a minute. Go back to the buses, Jake. Better yet, come back with us.Forget about Cara.”
I grind my teeth. I don’twantto forget about Cara. I don’t think I could if I tried, but I can at least do something to take my mind off her for a bit.If she cango off with some rando knowing how I feel – because I have no doubt she knows, or she wouldn’t be avoiding me – and knowing she might even feel a little bit of the same, then I can get my rocks off too.I nod at Maddox, following him and Ryder back to the bus.
I follow them to the back lounge and take a seat on one of the sofas with my knees spread wide, and my arms draped across the back.It probably looks like I’m calm and relaxed,but that isn’t even close to what I feel. I feel like I’m about to lose my shit.And that’s something I can’t afford to do.
I watch as Ryder and Maddox waste no time getting the girls' clothes off, touching them as they do.The girls turn to begin undressing Maddox and Ryder, but Maddox stops the one at his side. He instead turnsthe girl to face Ryder.
In no time at all, they have Ryder stripped. He kisses one girl’s neck and shoulder while she kisses the other girl. Maddox just stands there and watches for a minute.
All the while, I’m watching live porn,and there isn’t a flicker of interest. Not even a twitch. And isn’t that just about right.
Maddox looks over to where I’m sitting with a smirk. He leans into the taller girl’s ear, whispering something to her. Both of their eyes on me, she smiles and makes her wayto my side of the room.
Maddox then grabs Ryder by the hair, stopping his downward descent on the girl, and orders him to sit on the other sofa.Ryder smirks at him but does as he’stold.Maddox walks to Ryder, kisses him hard then turns back to the girl.Their dynamic is nothing short of fascinating.
Maddox grabs the girl, kisses her just as hard, then he orders her to get between Ryder’s legs. Shedoes what he says without question.
The girl Maddox sent to meclimbs onto my lap, running her hand up my chest. “I make you feel better,” she tells me in a seductive voicewith broken English.
She moves to kiss me, but I turn my head before our lips meet.She doesn’t seem to care,though. She just moves her mouth to my neck. I still feel nothing.
Actually, that’s not true. I actually feel kind of dirty. Which is stupid. I’ve had a thing for Cara for years, but it’s not like I’ve been celibate all that time.
I try to shove it down. Swallow the bile that rises in my throat, but it’s just not helping.When she reaches for my belt, I grab her by the wrist.
“I’m not feeling this,” I tell her, shoving her off.
I’m up off the couch and heading out of the room. Maddox, who was leaning against the wall watching everything in the room, follows me out.
I stand at the door of his bus, allowing the fresh air to fill my lungs.
“Ready to admit it now?” Maddox asks behind me.
“Admit what? That I had a very beautiful, very naked woman in my lap and couldn’t get it up?” I chuckle without mirth.
“Admit that at some point, you’re feelings changed from infatuation and genuine care to more.” I hear the humor in his voice.Why is this funny to him?
Then I realize. “You knew this would happen?” I turn with a finger pointed at him, my teeth clenching hard.
“Had a feeling,” he shrugs. “I’ve known all these years you’ve had a thing for Cara, but I also watched you, on more than one occasion, take a girl home or wherever.When?”
