I really am. I swear.
“Why are you so interested in my sex life or lack thereof?”I get suspicious.
She and Josie both giggle. “Because you look like you’re about to snap,” Josephine answers my question.
“I am a little tense,” I admit. What I don’t admit is that one sexy as hell, single dadmusician is the cause of it and that, yes, sex would probably alleviate that tension for a minute or two. Until I’m pushed into his space again. Into that teeny, tiny bus where I can feel him in the air like an electrical current. There’s simply not enough space on that bus.
“A few good orgasms would help that,” Cami points out. “I have an idea.”
I feel the first flutters of apprehension. Flutters in my bellyat whatever idea this crazy, beautiful woman is concocting in that Lucy Ricardo brain of hers. “I’m afraid to ask, but what’s your idea?”
“You go back to the bus. Put somethingthat’s rock festival sexy, and go out there. Go find youa hottie. Spend the rest of the evening talking or whatever. Bring him to watch one of the shows.Jacob’s Ladder is playing tonight. Go see them. They’ve done a great job opening for the guys. When it’s over, bring him back to the bus and let him fuck your brains out. Or you fuck his out.”
My eyes are probably as wide as saucers. My jaw is sitting on the floor. Josephine tosses her head back in laughter. “Colorful as ever,” she pats Cami’s knee. Cami just grins like the Cheshire cat. “But I do agree with her.”
All I can do is gape at both of them. Cami’s ‘colorful’ suggestion doesn’t surprise me nearly as much as Josephine’s agreement.
“Did Dane really shelter you that much?” Josephine questions.
“Protected? Yes. Sheltered? No,” I tell them both honestly.
“Then why do you look so freaked out?” she prods a little more.
“It’s been a long time since I did something like that,” I tell her without any real details. Cami knows. Cami knows everything because Dane told her. Which iswhy she’s giving me a sympathetic look.
“You have – you know?” Cami says, waving her hand over me, suddenly shy about just saying what she’s thinking.
“Just with Daniel,” I tell them honestly.
“As in your best friend, Daniel?” Cami’s brows shoot up to her hairline.
“Pay up?” Josephine laughs with her hand stretched toward Cami.
“I’ll send it to you,” Cami scowls while I watch, confused.
“What is all that about?”
“I told her you were fucking him, and she told me you were just friends.” Josephine still laughs.
“We are just friends,” I tell them. “But I’m comfortable with him. He has no expectations either. It’s just easy.”
I sigh.Easy is what I need. I can’t handle emotions. Not anymore. And I need someone I’m comfortable with.
Once I left for college, I became very sexually adventurous.I was no longer under my slightly insane older brother’s watchful eye. I just wanted to explore and experiment to discover what I liked.It’s what drew me to Stephano in the first place.
I learned a lot about what I like. I also learned how all of that can be used against you. How trust can be broken.
There’s still a part of me that wants those things I learned I like. There’s anotherpart of me that’s ashamed. If not forthose desires, I would never have been drawn to Stephano, and my life and so many others, wouldn’t have been irrevocably changed.
I feel tears burn the back of my eyes as I think about thepeople hurt by my carelessness. I force it back.
“I’ll go out to the festival,” I tell them. I’ll do anything to change the subject. “I don’t know about finding aguy or anything, but I could use some time to just relax for a bit.”
“Just promise you won’t turn down a hottie,” Cami waggles her brows.
“I can’t bring someone back to the buses,” I tell her with a chuckle.
“Why?”
