I understand that need and determination more than he will ever realize. I feel the exact same way about Cara - and Dane.
Fuck what have I done? If the roles were reversed and Zane knew information like this about either of them but didn’t tell me I’m not sure I would ever forgive him. I close my eyes and press my hands against them.
“Do we have a problem here, Tori?” Dane asks as he walks into the room like a protective older brother.
Jax raises his eyebrow at me. Challenging. Daring.
I love my brother. He really is a fucking badass, but something tells me that the McCabe brothers are not the people I want him to fuck with. I have the strangest feeling, whoever they really are, they are the type of people who could destroy him in more ways than one.
I let out a very long sigh. “It’s fine. Can you handle Max for me?”
Jax asks me again what happened at the party. His brother stays sitting on the sofa, but it’s obvious he wants to know as well. He is glaring at me waiting for me to start talking.
“I can’t tell you, Jax,” I practically plead. “Zoey begged me not to.”
A torrid of emotions runs through me. Fear that I’ve made things so much worse. Guilt for keeping what I know to myself. Sadness at the pain that Zoey is going through. Jax too. Shit, everyone that cares for her is probably worried sick.
Jax rubs his hands down his face in an exasperated and frustrated move. He is struggling to keep it together. “Tori, what did she tell you? She won’t talk to me, Zane, or Rory. She’s not eating again. She’s having nightmares again. She is having panic attacks. Again. I can’t do anything about it if I don’t know what’s going on.”
A tear rolls down my cheek. I’ve gone through some rough shit in my life. My drug addicted mother abandoned me when I was seven. I never met my father. According to Dane, I didn’t miss much.
Foster home after foster home because I was a – rambunctious child. I stayed in trouble at school. I had a hard time getting along with the other kids. Finally, one day, I just ran away. I managed to survive for two whole weeks on my own when Pete found me.
I still don’t know how he managed to become my foster dad, but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. He worked with the schools until they figured out that I was a lot smarter than my grades showed, but the work wasn’t challenging me. He put me into special programs to keep my mind engaged. By the time I graduated, I could’ve gone to my choice of colleges, but college wasn’t for me.
They also figured out that I had ADHD. Not only was my mind not being engaged enough, I had too much pent-up energy. That’s when he started taking me to his gym with him. He started training me in boxing and kick boxing. I not only loved it. I excelled in it. I thought for a while that’s what I wanted to do with my life, but I soon figured out the purity of it was lost once money became involved.
According to Zane, his and Zoey’s life growing up was pretty great compared to mine. Then everything that happened to her last year seemingly wiped every good thing out of their lives. Honestly, I’m not sure how I would handle it if the situation were reversed.
What she suffered isn’t fair or right. Especially not for someone like her. Despite all the walls she’s had around her since I met her, you can’t help but notice Zoey’s soul. It’s pure and good. You can see in her eyes how special she is, and my heart is aching knowing that I’m making things so much worse by keeping her secret.
A secret I can’t keep any longer. I just hope Jax and Zane will forgive me for keeping it and Zoey will forgive me for sharing it.
Zane
I keep trying to remind myself that I don’t know Tori well. I keep trying to put myself in her shoes. Torn between two people she wants to know better.
But no matter how hard I try I keep getting more and more pissed. She could have lied to me about her name. She could have lied to me about her life. Fuck, she could have lied to me about just about anything. I would have been fine. She could have kept her secrets until she was ready to share because we all have fucking secrets.
But lying to me about Zoey? No. Not lying. She never lied. She just didn’t tell me.
It was obvious she knew something. She barely responded to my texts. She didn’t answer my calls. She definitely evaded when I asked her point blank about the party.
We handled the issue. My sister doesn’t have to be scared anymore. But she is still traumatized. She is still changed. Jax says she still has nightmares nearly every night.
I’ve been reassured by her therapist that she is getting better. That the memory will always be there, but that she will get better. The goal isn’t to get the old Zoey back. According to the therapist, the old Zoey may never return. The goal now is to get a better Zoey back.
As I stand here in this chapel in Vegas with her and Jax, I can’t help but smile. They have been through pure hell, but they are so stupidly in love and happy. I want that for them. They deserve it, and I couldn’t be happier that they are together.
But seeing Tori is harder than I thought it would be.
She texted me after Jax went to see her, but not until after Jax told me everything. I haven’t intentionally ignored her, but every time I tried to respond, it was with so much anger and resentment that I just never sent them.
The most frustrating thing? I still can’t stop thinking about her. I still want her. But how can I even attempt any sort of relationship with her when I can’t trust her. Or forgive her.
Zoey has tried to reason with Jax and me. Jax hasn’t forgiven her either, but he’s willing to try for Zoey. I want to, also. I’m trying so fucking hard, but looking at her right now, I can’t decide if I want to fuck her or strangle her.
Jax and Zoey say ‘I do’ and kiss. I hug my sister and my best friend, congratulating them while I do it. Then I make a beeline for the bar.
