Raul immediately releases his hold so he can roll me to face him. “You two talk. We will be downstairs,” Adrian says, leaning down and kissing Raul. He looks at me, and I’m trying to hide my smile. “Aht. Caught you smiling, Little Dove. Can’t hide from me.”
Adrian kisses me just as passionately, and I relax. “I love you,” I say softly. “I’m sorry, I’m a shit wife.”
“I love you too, you are not a shit wife, and I’m going to fuck you up later for that, but relax for now,” Adrian says, kissing me again.
“I love you, Nia,” Brent says as he kisses me next.
“I love you too,” I say with a sigh. “You better kiss him. His wife died.”
“Brat,” Brent laughs as he gently kisses Raul.
When they leave the room, Raul hugs me to his chest. Our breathing is in sync, and we are relaxed. After a while, I pull back enough to look at him. Before I can speak, he blurts out, “I love you.”
“Me?” I ask.
“You. I love you, Alania. Fiona knew I loved you. I’ve told the guys, and now I’m telling you,” he says. “Losing Fiona hurts. I won’t lie and say I’m okay, because I’m not. I am finding a bit of solace in knowing she didn’t feel anything. She didn’t suffer, ya know? Fiona and I were in agreement that we were better as friends. I care deeply about her… but the thought of losing you… That fucking hurts. When we didn’t know which of you had been shot… Fuck, I’m an asshole.”
Raul rolls to his back and looks up at the ceiling. He is lost in thought, and I am trying to discern his feelings. “Why are you an asshole?” I ask.
“Because I am happy it was her and not you,” Raul says. “It’s not that I don’t care that she died, because I do. It broke my heart to see her like that… To hold her limp body and just know that it would be the last time… Fiona’s death hurts, but I know I’ll survive. Losing you, though… I wouldn’t survive that.”
I roll and lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arm around him. He starts rubbing my back, but this isn’t what I want. I want to comfort him. I roll to my back but pull him with me. He moves with me and lays his head on my chest so I can wrap him in a hug.
It’s silent at first. His body trembles as I rub his back. He rolls more to wrap his arms around me, burying his face in my breasts. He’s trying to hide his pain, but I see it. I know it. I feel it with every breath he takes.
“I love you too, Raul,” I say softly.
Chapter Thirty
Alania
Two Days Later
Today is Fiona’s funeral.Her parents flew in last night, and I thought they’d hate me, but she spoke so highly of me to them that the first thing they did was hug me and tell me they were relieved that I was okay. They made me promise them that I'd stop saying I killed her, and I am going to try. It’s hard because I feel like it’s my fault. Logically, I know he would have done it no matter what I said or did.
The night before last, I held Raul until he cried himself to sleep. Adrian and Brent ended up joining us, and Raul slept on my chest all night. Yesterday, I spent the day in bed again, but Adrian was with me. I explain more of what happened and why I spiraled so hard with the razor. He wants me to start seeing a therapist when everything settles down.
Fiona’s spot on the council was filled by Talia, since Eli is on the council now too. Because we are handling this, we have others helping us at the school. They will all be at the funeral today. I was confused why, but Jax told Adrian that the girls wanted to support me.
I stand in front of the mirror, and I look awful. I still haven’t eaten or slept worth a shit. I need to start putting myself back together, though. If not for me, for Fiona. I am wearing a beautiful white and vibrant pink dress. Fiona made me buy this, so it seemed fitting that I wear it. We told everyone to dress howFionawould dress them. This means the guys will be in simple jeans and T-shirts.
I pull my hair up into a neat bun before putting makeup on. By the time I am finished, I look somewhat presentable. When I leave the bathroom, all three men are staring at me.
“What? Do I look okay? I should change, shouldn’t I? Maybe it’s…” I start to ramble, but Adrian steps closer and grabs my face.
“You look beautiful, Little Dove,” he says before gently kissing me. “It’s good to see you up and moving around.”
“I’m just glad you finally took a shower,” Brent teases.
“How is it that you still tease me like a big brother, but then fuck me like a wild animal?” I ask Brent.
“Blood or not, pretty girl, we were raised as siblings,” he laughs. “I’ll reserve the wild animal fucking for after the funeral.”
“I don’t know. I think Fiona would have loved it if you fucked Alania in the middle of her funeral,” Raul says with a shrug.
“Yes. To honor her,” Brent agrees with a firm nod.
“Bunch of children. I swear,” I laugh and shake my head.
