“Vivian, what’s going on? I’m getting phone calls from the other moms at the school, telling me about this mess that happened last night. Of course, your father didn’t tell me anything about this, so I had to receive news about my own daughter from other people. What happened? Your dating Creed Crawford? I didn’t know anything about that,” the look in her eyes held pure confusion. I didn’t have a strict mom. I could come to her, and tell her who I was dating, and she would give her input, letting me know if she felt like they were a good catch, or not. I never told her about Creed though because Creed told me that he wanted to keep what we were doing on the low, so he asked for me not to tell anyone, and I respected it.
“If the moms are telling you stuff that they saw on social media, don’t believe that stuff because what their saying in those comments are a bunch of lies. Nothing happened, mom. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but when you and dad left yesterday, I invited some friends over from school. Creed and I have been talking for a few weeks, but we aren’t dating. Dad came home last night, and he caught us in my bedroom together. We were only kissing. He’s blowing this entire thing out of proportion, mom. Coming up with all kind of lies. Could you please talk to him? It’s like he’s going out of his way to try and destroy Creed. He has so much on the line with his future. He doesn’t need the whole world to think that he did something to me, when he didn’t. I already have it made up in my mind that after I get myself together today, I’m going to get on social media, and I’m going to tell the truth. I’m not going to let Creed be lied on likethis. It isn’t fair,” I shared with her, and as I was talking, she kept her eyes on me and continued to nod her head.
“I don’t know anything personal about the Crawford’s, but I do know that the stuff that I was told this morning, that he’s been accused of, I don’t believe it for one second. I had the pleasure of being around his mother for the past 10+ years. We don’t know each other personally, but we’ve sat in meetings together at your school, we’ve done mother’s day brunches at the school, and back when she really was hands on with the PTA at the school, I’ve saw her in action. She’s the definition of a good mother. Her, and Sevyn are great parents. I’ve seen her boys around campus. They come from good parenting. It’s in the way they carry themselves. I don’t believe for a second what their saying about Creed,” my mom’s words calmed me down, and I was glad that she was seeing this situation through the same lenses as I was.
“What are we going to do mom? Dad is on a mission to destroy him,” I responded. She kept quiet for a little bit, and then she sighed.
“Okay, well I do agree with you getting on social media and clearing the air. Tell the truth. Creed is your friend, so I totally understand that you wouldn’t want him to be punished by the world for something that you know he didn’t do. Do you have screenshots of the messages? Stuff where you invited him over to the house? Maybe something where you have the address, too? You know I don’t watch those cameras, but do you have any camera footage of when he arrived at the house?” she asked, firing off question after question.
“I can take screenshots of our text messages. Don’t be mad at me, but when I planned this whole get together at the house, I made the cameras go offline, so it didn’t pick up any footage. If your choosing to help me with this, you know you’re basicallycrossing dad. Are you planning to do that? It’s going to cause even more problems in your marriage,” I shared.
“I don’t think that nothing can be bigger than the influx of problems that me, and your father already have. You stay out of that. Let me deal with him. I wouldn’t say that I’m going against him, though. I’m standing beside my daughter and doing what’s right. I have children as well. I couldn’t imagine either one of my children being accused of something that they didn’t do. This is heavy. These accusations could ruin his life,” she shared. Her words made me feel much better.
“Before you go, why did dad come home early?” I wanted to know.
“He texted me and told me that he wasn’t going to make the convention because he wasn’t feeling well. According to him, he had a migraine and didn’t have it in him to go through another day full of panels. That’s what he says. Truth be told, if you had the cameras offline, he probably got wind of that, and that’s why he came home. If that’s the case, I didn’t expect him to tell me because you know he likes to think that I’m too worried about being the cool mom, instead of the disciplinarian, so he probably didn’t tell me the real reason because he probably thought that I would text you, and warn you,” she said, and that made sense to me.
We talked for a little while longer. She let me know that she was going to be busy this morning, and afternoon, but she still told me to text her over what I was going to post on social media before I did it. I assured her that I would, and then we hung up. After that, I just flopped down on the bed, putting my arms over my forehead. I was stressed out. It wasn’t even ten yet, and so many things had already happened.
I was going to get myself together, so that I could get online, and defend Creed. I was putting my relationship with my father on the line by crossing him, but I had to do what I had to do.I didn’t want Creed to think that I was just another white girl that was set out to intentionally destroy another black, innocent man.
Chapter Four
SORAYA ‘YAYA’ CRAWFORD
Sitting through this funeral was hard as hell for me. It triggered the fuck out of me, actually. It made me think about the time when I had to walk to the front of the church, and see my precious baby girl, lying in her casket. Resting in a casket that shouldn’t even have to be that small. I remember my screams. I remember having to be held up by Law, my mom, and my sister. I remember passing out, and when I came to, I was in the lobby of the church, with fans blowing over me, trying to cool me down. Pretty much every emotion that I felt that day mimicked what Marissa’s mom felt this afternoon. She’d lost her only child, and she was taking it hard.
Earlier, when the funeral started, we were standing in our row, as the family walked into the church, and Marissa’s mom was the first one to walk out, and she had one of her brothers on either side of her, helping to keep her up on her feet. The second she made it to the casket, and she saw her daughter, she lost it, and that’s when I started crying soft tears of my own. A pair of strong arms held onto me the entire time, allowing me to softly cry it out. Law held onto me the entire time, and he never let me go.
Throughout the service, he’d shed a few tears of his own as well because back when we were kids, Marissa was his girl, and you couldn’t tell either one of them that they weren’t siblings.
I was supposed to go up, and say a few words, but my emotions were all over the place, causing me to not be able to do it.
“You want me to go say something?” Law asked me.
The reflections were currently taking place right now. So far, about two people had gone up, and there were two more people standing over on the side, waiting for their turn to take the mic. The funeral wasn’t that packed, but it also wasn’t empty, either. You could tell that Marissa had love all around her. I wished that more of that love could have been shown to her when she was alive because I remember one of our last talks, and she told me that she always felt so alone. I was in this moment right now, living with my regrets as well. I wished I had come to New York more to see her. Knowing that I didn’t, that’s another reason why my tears, and my heart was so heavy this afternoon. What gave me peace was the one time that I did come see her, and we spent the entire day together. She kept telling me how that day had been the best day of her life.
“I’m going to go say something,” I whispered back, having to be brave. I felt like I had to do this. If it was me in that casket, I knew that Marissa would have gone up there to say something about me, so I had to be strong.
“You sure?” he whispered back.
“Yeah. I’m scared though,” I said.
“I’ll go up there with you. Come on,” he said, tapping me on my thigh.
I stood up, crossed through the pew that we were sitting in, having to cross over a few people. The whole time, Law had his hand on the small of my back, and we walked to the back of thechurch, so that we could come up on the side, and wouldn’t have to walk through the front, interrupting the service.
I was third in line to go up, and say something, and with each person that would go before me, I would become more nervous.
It was finally my turn, and I went up to the front, standing where the podium was, and I cleared my throat before walking up to the mic. As if he was my personal bodyguard, Law was standing behind me. He wasn’t too close to me, but he wasn’t too far, either. He was close enough for me to feel him, and know that he was with me, helping to be my strength in this moment.
My eyes landed on Marissa’s mom, Miley, and I hate that I did that because when I saw the tears that were still falling from her eyes, it made me choke up myself, but I fought like hell to keep my game face on, so that I could get through this two minutes that I’m sure were going to be the hardest two minutes of my life.
“Good afternoon, everyone. My name is Soraya. Everyone either calls me by my first name, or Yaya. Marissa didn’t though. She used to call me spicy stick. That girl gave me that nickname when I was only six years old. Spicy came from her saying that I was mean, and stick because as a kid, I was nothing but skin, and bones,” I started, and when I opened with that, the congregation laughed.
My eyes were on Miley, and she laughed while wiping her tears away because I’m sure that she remembered the nickname that Marissa had given me.
“Marissa had a nickname for everyone. Out of all the years that I’ve known Marissa, I don’t know her to call anyone by their government name,” I went on, and then I paused.
