So glad you made it safe. I wish I wasthere too!
Ledger wasn’t lying about the additional meetings. I’ve hardly heard from him all day. His last message was at ten o’clock, letting me know he was at the club.
Any ounce of confidence I had about him being there is gone, so I do what girls do best. I lie on the couch with Allie, scouring the internet for pictures of tonight’s event in hopes of catching a glimpse of Ledger.
“Got some!” Allie yells, shoving her phone in my face. “Look, I told you there was nothing to worry about. Here are like ten pictures of him just standing beside some other men, fully clothed. Unless he’s into men, you’re good to go.”
I think about him telling me he had occasionally messed around with men in the past and shiver.
Well,that'ssomething to unpack.
“Let me see,” I say as I take Allie’s phone from her. We spend the next thirty minutes zooming in on every photo to make sure nothing seems suspicious.
“I’m sure you have nothing to worry about, Sloane. That man is devoted to you with a capital D. Here, let me make you a sleepy-time cocktail or you’ll never fall asleep tonight.”
She’s right. I could have a live stream video of him the whole night, and I would still feel this pit in my stomach.
He’s been to that particular club before. He gave me a whole speech about the possibility of running into someone when we originally planned our trip.
“It’s much less likely than me running into someone at Rendezvous, but if it happens, please don’t let it ruin our fun. Remember, baby, they are the past, but you are my entire future.”
Now all I can think about is him running into someone there and forgetting about me. He’s treated me like the queen of his world for the past couple of months, but that doesn’t negate the twenty years I spent never being enough.
The first thing I do when I wake up is look to see if I have any messages from Ledger. Sure enough, there are several messages describing his evening. I respond, letting him know how much I can’t wait to go with him, then go about my morning.
A good night's sleep really did wonders for my jealousy. Allie was right. Ledger hasn’t ever given me a single reason to doubt his devotion to me.
As the day goes on, my assurance in our relationship ebbs. I have nothing to do but monitor my phone for a message from Ledger while I wait for my mom to pick me up to get ready. I haven’t spent this much time with my parents in months, and even living at home, it’s usually in smaller doses than this. I’m on edge, and I feel like I haven’t had one second of happiness since they arrived.
It’s close to one o’clock in the afternoon when my phone starts to ring. I don’t even check to see who it is in my enthusiasm to answer. “Hello?”
It’s Ledger, and his voice is strained and hoarse. “Good morning, Angel.”
“Morning? It’s one in the afternoon.”
“Damn, you’re right. I can’t believe I slept so late. I guess that’s what I get for staying out until four in the morning. These thirties are hitting me hard.” He chuckles.
I’m trying my best to remain calm. I’ve barely ever stayed out past midnight, and the thought of him out that late, in a sex club no less, doesn’t sit well with me.
“Wow. You must’ve really been enjoying yourself.” And just to add insult to injury, I add, “I guess that explains why you’ve lost your voice.”
“Not at all, baby. I stayed late to see how their shutdown compares to ours. And as for my voice, conducting business conversations in a club is not easy on your vocal cords.”
“Oh,” I say, with way more sass than I intend.
“Sweet girl, I could never have a good time without you.Especiallyin a damn sex club. Why do you think I haven’t been to Rendezvous without you? I would’ve never agreed to go last night if we weren’t supposed to go together.”
I’m feeling every bit of our age difference in how eager I am to jump to conclusions, so I try to reel my attitude in a little. “I’m sorry. It’s probably my period causing me to be so emotional.”
I swear I canhearthe disappointment in his voice. “Now I feel even worse for leaving. You weren't supposed to start until Monday. I should be there to take care of you.”
My instinct is to believe him, to be rational, and let go of any mistrust I have. Then I think about Dean and how I believed him for years, even though he was messing around behind my back. Insecurity floods my brain. I’m about to beg him to leave right now and come home when I’m reminded of the reason we aren’t together in the first place. “Ugh, my mom’s here. I’ll text you when I can, but she hates when I’m on my phone, so you might not hear from me much today.”
We exchange goodbyes, and I prepare myself for the rest of my day, still unable to shake the pit of doom building in my stomach.Fuck it.Nothing to do but put on my best Johnson smile and try to get through this party without screaming, crying, throwing up, or all three.
The party is in full swing. The first hour was spent eating the same boring chicken and green beans while listening to upper management give the same mundane speeches about how amazing their employees are.
Luckily for me, we’re seated at a different table than the Christensen family, so I haven’t had to deal with Dean yet. At this point, I’m just biding my time until I’m forced to interact with him. I haven’t seen or heard from him since the night we broke up, so I don’t have a good gauge on how he will react when my mother inevitably forces us together.
