“Keep your eyes open,” he says. “Now, on the count of three.”
Sucking in a gulp of air and holding the breath, I let River command my movements.
“One.”
My muscles stiffen.
“Two.”
A tear rolls down my cheek as my chest burns.
“Three.”
One silenced bullet flies directly into Nolen’s head right as the force sends me backward. Not expecting the kickback from the shot to knock the wind out of me, I lose my balance, but River’s arms tighten bracing me as I stumble.
“Wow, Lux,” Sebastian comments, suddenly at my side. “Not bad.”
My hands come to my heart as it hammers against my lungs and I struggle to take a full breath. This is happening.
“Are you all right?” River angles his head to capture my eyes.
“I think so.”
I finally chance a look at Nolen, handcuffed to the bed, with blood, and what looks to be flesh or brain matter, splattered on the dated flowery wallpaper behind him. After only a moment, I have to look away from the scene, my head burying itself into River’s shoulder. He leans in to press a deep kiss onto my temple and my heart skips a beat.
“Okay, I’m going to call Hayden and the guys to clean up,” Sebastian says, sliding off baseball hat to smooth his hair before putting it backon. “I’m sure you’re going to want to take Lux back to the plane to rest before we leave.”
“Yeah, we should head back.”
I listen to their conversation, but my mind is occupied by what just happened. It reels from how River guided me and the lingering effects of the gentlest kiss which seemed simple, but carried so much more with it.
“Let’s go,” I hear River say as he guides me to the SUV outside. The ride to the airport feels like a blur, and by the time Hayden comes back with Sebastian I'm exhausted.
River and I sit across from each other by the window as Sebastian boards the plane, walks right past us and into the back bedroom and shuts the door. It’s the early morning hours by the time we take off.
“How are you doing?” River asks, leaning forward on bent knees.
“I’m doing better now that we’re headed back.” I wish I had more to say, but I don’t. Not sure if I’m in shock or relaxed, but at this moment my brain is slowly catching up with what my body is feeling.
“You should be proud of yourself.”
His kindness makes me break a smile, but the truth is, I helped kill a man. And not like with Rich where I was a bystander. River might have helped me pull the trigger, butIdid it.
Am I okay with this?
What type of person does it make me that the feelings I get are not remorse, but relief?
“I am, but it doesn’t erase the fact that I took a man’s life,” I confess, looking away from him.
“You shouldn’t feel guilty. Not when he deserved it.”
I hear his words, and they do resonate, but being conflicted internally is something I’m going to have to carry myself. “I know.”
River’s hand comes up to cups my cheek. It’s comforting and it makes me not feel as alone.
“It will get easier. Just remind yourself that you’re taking out the trash in a way that the law would never be able to do. At least, that’s what helps me.”
I’m struck by how casually he mentions it. This is the first time he’s admitted to doing this often, and it does somewhat confirm my suspicions.
